


If You Can Handle It, Come On In (Tales From the Punk House)

by i_amthecosmos



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Play, Drinking, F/F, Future Liam/Zayn, Genderswap, LOVE and FEELINGS, Minor Violence, Punk Harry, Punk Louis, Rape Culture, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Toys, Sexism, Sexual Tension, Squirting, Trans Character, Trans Liam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:13:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amthecosmos/pseuds/i_amthecosmos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's not room in Louis's punk scene for two girl singers. A genderswapped punk AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Meet Is Not Cute

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by some genderswapped 1D art going around. I liked them quite a bit, but I also thought "Louis would never be in that Breck Girl pose". So that's how this started. First chapter, hope I can keep it up!

Louis was about two whiskeys into the night when she noticed the new girl across the room. “Hey.” She elbowed Mark, nearly making him drop his beer. “Hey, who’s that chick?” _And who does she think she is_ , Louis doesn’t say. The girl was tall and lanky and had a lot of tattoos, but her boots were brand-new and her Misfits T-shirt looked new as well, probably from Hot Topic. Mark hadn’t even said anything and already she didn’t like her. Louis ran a hand through her short spiky hair and glared at her.

“She goes by Harry. Goes up at the uni, think she’s a music student or something. She’s started a new band and Mutt’s introducing her around.” Lou squinted at her and took another drink. Harry brushed a hair out of her green eyes and glanced her way, frowning slightly. Louis looked away, she wasn’t actually looking to start a fight. 

“She better not be crashing here, we don’t have the space.” Not for the likes of this girl, who was blinking big eyes at one of Mutt’s friends, trying to tell a story while he just looked steadily at her tits. Louis glared at him, but he had his hands to himself for now. When she finished her drink, she went into the kitchen for another one. Zayn was in there, getting a cigarette. “Hey man,” she said, and went in for a hug. “Haven’t seen you around, were you in jail?”

Zayn laughed, his eyes crinkling up. “Nah. I just went back home for a few months to work. Had to help the family.” One day Louis was going to ask him what it was like to have a huge family that got along, because he seemed to adore them. She loved her family too, but not in the same way. Zayn took another drag off his cigarette. “I stayed for a few months, and then came back. I love them, but living at home again was too weird. I like my own space.”

So maybe Zayn wasn’t all that different after all. Louis laughed and got them both beers. “Yeah, you need space to create.” She was mocking, but it was the truth. She’d seen what Zayn could do when left alone with blank walls and some spray paint. It was pretty fucking impressive. She was about to ask him if he was working on anything, when she heard a yell from the front room.

“Hey! HEY!” 

Louis nearly dropped her beer, someone was yelling, someone female, and it didn’t sound like it should be ignored. Louis ran back into the living room and saw Harry backed against the wall by another guy, not even the first fucker, and she was trying to push him back. Nobody was doing anything, nobody was helping her at all. The guy just laughed at her and put a hand on her tit. 

Louis ran up and got him on the side of the head with a flung elbow. “Leave her alone you fucking wanker! She said no!” The guy was knocked off balance, and when he glared back at her, she could see from his eyes that it actually hurt. _Good_.

“I’m going to kill you, bitch!” But then Mutt grabbed his arm before he could punch, Mark grabbed the other one, and before she could even go in for another hit Harry punched him right in the mouth. The guy stared, blood dripping from his lip.

“I told you I didn’t want to,” she said, and her voice was low and gravely. Louis could easily imagine her fronting a band. “Leave me alone.” That part was probably unneeded, since Mark and Mutt were dragging him out the door right then. She turned to Louis then. “Thanks.” She was beautiful up close, green eyes and a pouty mouth, her hair shaved on one side and a teal streak in the other. She looked almost like one of those punk soft porn girls on the internet. Louis kicked herself for noticing. 

“Not a problem. Woulda done it for anybody.” She looked at Harry’s hand then and hissed. The middle knuckle was bruised and there was a split in the middle that was welling up with blood. “We need to get that cleaned up, come with me.” She took Harry’s good hand and led her through the kitchen and down the hall to the tiny bathroom, shoving around until she found alcohol behind bottles of tea tree oil and homeopathic potions. “Dizzy doesn’t believe in modern medicine, but I do. Let’s put some alcohol on that.”

“Won’t that hurt?” Louis frowned-this girl would never make it in their scene if she had a problem with pain. She just washed out the cut on her hand, then poured the alcohol. “Ow,” she said, and bit her lip. “Okay,” she said, after a minute. “Band-aids?” 

“Up here.” Louis got her one and put it on for her and she smiled then, eyes pretty under the smudged makeup she was wearing. “All right, and now we get you a beer. You earned it.” She turned away, trying to shield herself from the grateful expression Harry was giving her. It was disturbing. Louis hadn’t really done anything.

The kitchen wasn’t as full as before, a lot of people having gone outside to watch Mutt and Matt eject that fucker, so it was easy to get Harry a beer. “You’ll like these, we made them ourselves.” She handed her one in an old lager bottle they’d stolen from someone’s recycling. “Mutt makes the best beer, I’m still learning.” Harry took out a lighter and took off the cap, drinking half of it in a gulp. 

“It’s good,” she said, and Louis ignored the little butterflies in her stomach.

“Glad it meets approval. I heard you’re in a band.” She smiled at her, looking shy and attractive, and Louis said “Cause you know, I’m the main bitch in a band around here, and it’ll be a shame to have to compete with you.” 

“Why is it a competition? Nearly every band has boys for lead singers, and they don’t consider it competing.” Louis frowned at the new girl, but she was serious, and that made her crazy. If she hadn’t just seen Harry smack a guy bloody, she might want to take a swing herself. Nobody could be allowed to be that naïve. 

“Of course it will be, Harriet or whatever your name is.” That got her a mildly annoyed look and she was glad to have struck a nerve. “When did you decide you wanted to be a punk chick, anyway? I bet life was pretty good at your home.”

“First, call me Harry. I mean, what’s your name, Louise? And everybody knows you as the famous Louis, so don’t give me shit for that.” She was proper angry now, bottom lip pointing out and glaring. “And maybe I like music, you know? I’d rather do this than study political science.” 

“Politics? Yeah, I can see that.” Louis drank the rest of her beer and got another one. “Let me know when you’re ready for a second. You still going to school?” Harry shrugged. “I’ll take that as a no.” Louis rummaged around and found some crisps. “Have some?” She took a handful, turning away from Louis as she crunched them. “Will you be crashing here tonight?” 

“You’re asking a lot of questions. You don’t even like me.” Louis didn't bother to correct her, instead searching around for something else to eat. It was oddly quiet, and she went to change the record on the turntable, sticking her head out of the window. 

“Well, all the boys have decided to sit outside and drink like yobs. I guess we get the place to ourselves. What do you want to hear?” 

“I wish you’d decide to be friendly or to treat me like shit. This going back and forth is confusing.” Harry came over and started to flip through the vinyl they had, finally picking an old 80’s American band called Mission of Burma. _Pretentious twat_ , Louis thought, but she kept it to herself. It was a good record anyway, so she decided to leave Harry to it. 

She took her beer and crisps and went down the hall towards her room. One of the other rooms’ door was open, and she craned her head in to see. “Hey Liam.” Liam looked up from the notes he was scratching and smiled, still looking a bit exasperated. Liam always hated parties.

“Hey Lou,” he said. “Did everyone leave?” She shook her head. “No, I can hear them outside. Idiots.” Louis always wondered why Liam lived in a punk house if he didn’t like noise and parties, but it wasn’t her business. “Was there a fight? It was you, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, but not for long.” She came into his room properly and sat on the edge of his mattress. She and Liam were mates, nothing more, and coming into his room wasn’t an invitation. He took one of the crisps and they sat for a little while in silence. “New girl’s in the living room,” she said, and Liam nodded.

“What’s she like?” 

“I don’t know,” Louis said, shrugging. “Not horrible, but kind of annoying.” _And beautiful_ , but that didn’t need to be said out loud. Liam wouldn’t care, anyway. She’d never seen him go for anyone.

“So like you, then.” Louis snorted and shoved Liam down on the mattress, his laughter echoing off the walls. “Is she staying here? She’ll have to be in your room.”

“I don’t think so. She didn’t answer when I asked. Apparently I was being a bitch.” Liam looked at her with as if to say _No, not you_ , and Louis shoved him again. “Bastard. At least you love me.” She put her arm around him and he stiffened, just at first, but he was careful to keep the touch to his shoulders. Liam didn’t like people just touching him all over. “Am I mad for not wanting to have another girl fronting a band? ‘Cause that’s all anyone will talk about.”

“No, but don’t hold it against her. It’s not her fault anyway.” Louis scowled but Liam kept talking. “She just wants to be in a band, like you. She wants to get pissed up and sing and get a reaction out of people, like you. So it’s not her.”

“I guess not. I still think she’s a stuck up rich kid.” 

“You’ve known her what, ten minutes?” Louis glared at Liam while he fumbled through the darkness of his room to where his notebooks were. “Look at these when you get a chance. I’m trying to get some stuff down for lyrics, and I could use your help.” There was a muffled crash outside and Liam shuddered. “Maybe you should get the idiots inside before the cops come again.”

“Good idea.” Louis kissed Liam’s cheek and pulled herself up. She looked around for Harry and found her with headphones in, listening to something besides what was on in the living room. “Harry.” She started, and took off the headphones, frowning at her. “The boys are getting rowdy, help me get them back inside?” 

“What do you need my help for,” she grumbled, but she stood up and the two of them nagged the boys back inside, Louis plying them with beer and Harry just mentioning the fact that the cops might be out. Between the two of them they got everyone either inside, or heading somewhere else. Louis was glad to see some of them go-she liked parties but she didn’t know everyone, and didn’t want another incident like before.

It was near the end of the night when Lou started staggering to her room. She’d lost Harry at some point, and Mutt as well. The party was winding down and she just wanted to sleep. She opened the door and made it about two steps when she nearly tripped over someone. “Shit!” 

Louis turned on the light and there was Harry, flopped out on her mattress and snoring. “Fucking hell.” Louis locked the door behind them and undressed. When she was in her knickers and t-shirt, she climbed into bed next to Harry. “You better not still have your boots on,” she said, not expecting Harry to be awake enough to hear.

“I-I kicked them off,” Harry said, and then Louis heard a yawn followed by a soft snore. 

“Well. Good.” Louis turned on her side, facing away from Harry. Before she fell asleep, she listened to Harry’s snores and for some reason, they were reassuring. 

When Louis woke up the next day, she was hungover and alone in her room. “Good,” she said to herself, and found a bottle of water, chugging it. She changed her knickers, put on a new shirt and last night’s jeans and bra before leaving the room. 

She saw Harry in the kitchen, going through the cupboards, looking for something. “Help you?” She said, and Harry turned around, looking sleep-rumpled, her hair a beautiful mess of tangles. It was a lot more attractive than it had any right to be, and Louis gritted her teeth. “What do you want, we got cocoa pops, milk, there might be some sausage if you want some.”

“Um,” she said, and Louis rolled her eyes.

“You’re a fucking vegetarian, aren’t you?” 

“Heyyyy,” she said, lower lip pouting out, and fuck this gangly girl in her kitchen was the very picture of a stereotypical rich kid punk. Louis went to the fridge and flung the door open.  
“Vegan or regular veg?” 

“Um. Regular veg, I suppose,” she said, sounding a little surprised. “Um, I could just have the cereal, you don’t have to go to any trouble…” Louis didn’t bother responding.

Louis couldn’t see her-she had her head in the fridge, searching the back. “Dizzy probably has some of his meatless crap around-ah, here. Soy hot dogs. Pretend they’re soy sausage links, what’s the difference?” Harry took them and stared at Louis, looking like she was about to say something. Then she turned around and went to find a pan to fix the soy dogs in, and Louis started to get her cocoa pops. 

Harry left around noon, and Louis spent the rest of the day fucking around on the guitar and trying to write songs with Liam. Dizzy came around later and bitched at her for a solid two minutes before Louis agreed to pay him back for the donated soy dogs. By night, Louis was alone in her room again, curled on her side, and if she thought about dark curly hair and wide green eyes, well, nobody could prove a thing.


	2. Get Closer (Go Away)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis sees Harry at a house party, and maybe starts dating her. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long. I'm finishing a lot of stuff today before I see my show. I hope you like this one. Thanks to magdalyna for the name of Louis's band, it's perfect.

“Wear the other shirt.” Liam raised an eyebrow, appraising the clothes Louis had on.

“Fuck you, this one’s good.” Louis frowned at the mirror at herself. She had on an old pair of jeans, torn at the knees, and a tattered old t-shirt she’d gotten secondhand and had for years. “It’s not a big gig, it’s just so people know we’re still around.” Liam looked her over and she sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll wear the other shirt.” She pulled her shirt off and grabbed the other one, not even bothering to turn away or close the door. Liam had seen it all as far as she was concerned. “I forget how much you like this one.”

“You look good in red,” is all Liam said. Louis just shook her head, smiling fondly. “And now, I have to decide what I’m going to wear. I’ll be in my room.” Liam started to walk away. 

“I don’t get to watch? You don’t want me criticizing your every fashion choice?” Liam looked a bit panicked, and just shook his head as he sped up. Louis heard the door to his room close a few seconds later. Liam could be really strange when it came to privacy. 

“I was just kidding,” Louis called out, but it was too late. Louis played with the neckline of the shirt, and nodded. Liam was right, it did look good. “All right,” she said out loud, and grabbed her eyeliner. She did her eyes quick and dirty, smearing the liner so it looked rough and messy, and then went to find her boots. When the rest of the guys showed up, she smiled. 

“Time to go.”

The house they were playing at was about five miles from their place, but it took thirty minutes to get there because Niall decided they needed a beer and snack run and took forever at the corner shop. “Get the fuck back here, we have to go,” she yelled, leaning out the window, but that just seemed to make Niall take longer. Finally he showed up with beer and crisps for everyone. 

“I don’t know why you did that, we make beer,” Louis grumbled as she grabbed one from Niall.

“’Cause none of you thought to bring any, you idiots,” Niall said cheerfully, and once again she wondered what he was doing in their band. Niall didn’t seem very punk to her, but he played drums well and he made Liam laugh, so there was that. 

“There’s the house,” Liam said a few minutes later, and Louis looked at it. It seemed even more ramshackle than the one they lived in, and Louis decided she liked it. It made her feel comfortable, the way new houses never could. They pulled up and started getting their instruments out of the trailer that was attached to their car. One day they’d probably get ticketed for it-Louis doubted it was legal size for the city. But then they had their stuff and were heading in, a guy with a shaved head and a tooth missing there to greet them.

“Hey, good to see you. Lou, you haven’t been around, why haven’t we seen you?” Louis didn’t meet his eyes.

“Just wasn’t feeling well is all, had a bronchial infection and it took a long time to get well.” She was lying, and she felt Liam touch her arm, letting her know that he supported her even though she wasn’t sure he approved. So honest, Liam. It was almost pathological. 

“But you can still sing, yeah? Come on in, we’ll get you sorted. We’ve got the equipment for all the bands.” Louis nodded because of course she knew that. “And we’ve got two bands on before you. One’s new, we’ll see if you like them.” 

“Sure they’ll be alright,” Louis says as she drinks the beer Niall handed her, looking around. It was a good crowd, lots of people, most of them drunk. Good, they’ll sound better to them. “So who’s in the-oh God.” She could see Harry across the room. “Please tell me the girl with the teal in her hair isn’t playing.”

The guy hosting them just put a hand on her shoulder (she almost slapped it off) and just nodded. “She’s not bad, you know. Maybe you just need to get to know her.”

“We already met,” Louis snapped, and when she looked over again, Harry had seen her and was actually waving. Louis bit her lip, and Niall sidled up to her. 

“I know you don’t think she’s that bad,” he said. “Why don’t you go over there and say hi like a good girl.” Louis swung at his stomach but Niall sidestepped her, laughing. 

“Don’t call me a good girl ever again,” Louis said, and she stomped right past Harry to the kitchen. She needed something stronger than beer. A boy she barely knew saluted her with a vodka bottle and gladly shared. She was on her second shot when she felt, more than saw, Harry by her side. “What do you want?”

“Just to say hello.” Louis looked over and Harry looked a little upset. Perhaps she was being a bit harsh with her. “And that I’m looking forward to seeing you sing.” She frowned a little. “Won’t all that vodka wreck your voice?” 

“It’ll help, actually. My voice is high, this makes it a bit raspier.” Louis gave the bottle back to the guy, who grinned and offered some to Harry. She shook her head, and Louis frowned. “Why not?”

“Because my voice is already raspy,” she said, and for some reason Louis thought that was funny, and she laughed, making Harry laugh, and then they were relaxed and chatting in the kitchen and Louis couldn’t understand why, how they always got to a point of being comfortable with each other. 

“That guy,” Harry said when he was gone. “Is he someone you know well? Um, have you dated him or anything?” Louis stared at her, shocked, because it should be obvious. It took her a minute to get a reply out.

“I don’t even know who he is, probably just a fan. I’m a lesbian, can’t you tell?” Louis looked down at her boots, the torn jeans, and the admittedly very nice red shirt. “I’ve literally never fucked a man in my life. I’ve never wanted to.” She looked over at Harry, who was now a bit pink. “What about you?” 

“I’m bi,” she said, and Louis could see it. It seemed to fit. “I like both, but when I say that people think I’m a slag.” Louis took a beer from the cooler and offered one to Harry. She took it, still looking hesitant. “Do you think that about bi people?” Louis had to pause, to think of a good answer, because sometimes she did think that, but not always. Stan was bi and he was quite a good bloke.

“No, I think that about slags.” That got Harry to laugh. “I admit, it’s hard for me to imagine being attracted to a guy at all. Do you like one better than the other?” She shrugged, and Louis rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t tell me much. Come on, I really want to know.” 

“I don’t really have an answer for you. I’ve dated more men, but it’s just…easier. A lot of lesbians don’t date bi women.” Louis nodded like this was something she didn’t already know, as if eighty percent of the dykes she knew wouldn’t rather date a man than a bi woman. It wasn’t fair, really. “And finding other bi women is a bit of a challenge.” 

“They should have club nights,” Louis nodded, and Harry looked oddly grateful. “Hey, don’t worry. You get on my nerves for a lot of reasons, but that’s not one of them.” Harry rolled her eyes, so Louis figured her attempt at being friendly didn’t work out too well.

“Right, I get on your nerves so much you talk to me in the kitchen for fifteen minutes.” She walked away then, and Louis watched her go. She wondered vaguely what kind of girls Harry liked, then shut that thought down fast. Another beer later and she could hear the first band tuning up, and went back in the living room. 

The band wasn’t bad. They were mostly young guys, about sixteen, with one older bloke she knew on the scene who always seemed to join bands for three months and then move on to something else. He had a short attention span, it seemed. The band played for thirty minutes and then they were done. 

Harry’s band was next, and they were young and nervous, the drummer looking like he was going to throw up. The only one who looked confident was Harry. She didn’t have a guitar, just grabbed the mic with both hands and when her guys were ready, she started singing and Louis couldn’t look away.

Harry wasn’t always that good, her voice could waver off-key, but that didn’t matter because she had personality and stage presence like Louis hadn’t seen in years. She moved with a strange sort of clumsy grace, and Louis could picture her on a stage, in a club, in a bigger club, in an arena. That kind of charm could go places.

Harry was good. She was better than her. Louis closed her eyes, shutting the sight of her out. She hated Harry then, hated her for being so good so soon, when she’d spent years just to get to halfway good enough. She wanted to leave, fuck her band and the set they were going to do, but she still couldn’t walk away. She opened her eyes again, so she could watch. After what seemed to be an eternity, Harry’s band stopped playing. 

The small crowd of drunks cheered enthusiastically, and she saw Harry smile, surprised and pleased, and then Louis could get away, and nearly ran back to the kitchen. She needed more alcohol. 

It was Stan who found her, and who gently pried her hand off the bottle of beer she was about to open, and he walked her back to the room. She was a little unsteady now, drunk, and fuck she was probably going to suck, this was going to be humiliating. Then Liam came to her side and smiled, face gentle and friendly, and she smiled back before grabbing the mic. “We’re Dentata Dam,” she yelled, and Niall counted to four and then they were off. 

Louis had a hard time remembering shows sometimes, and the mix of adrenaline and alcohol this time meant it was all a blur. Before she knew it they were done and she went to help Niall with his drums. It was another half-hour before it really hit her and then: oh no. “Bathroom,” she said, and someone took her arm and led her to it. She just made it before she was puking into the toilet. “Fuck. Sorry.” 

 

“It’s okay,” and Louis froze when she recognized the voice. “You were amazing, by the way.” Louis spit in the toilet and stood on shaky legs to look at Harry. “Um, that was my band’s third performance,” she said, twisting her fingers. “Was it any good or...?” Louis kept staring and Harry dropped her hands. “Sorry, you’ve been sick and I’m bothering you, let me just go, unless you need anything?” 

Louis was quiet for another few seconds, and then she said “I just need some water, or maybe some pop. I can get it, I just drank a little too much.” Harry nodded. 

“You couldn’t tell, your performance was brilliant.” Harry left the bathroom. “I’ll get you a Coke if you want.” Louis nodded and turned the water on in the sink. As she splashed her face, she thought about their show, and wondered if she was as good as Harry. She had no idea, but Harry seemed to think so. She was wiping her face with a flannel when Harry came back with a Coke. “Here.” Louis sat on the edge of the tub and sipped it slowly. Harry sat next to her, and Louis didn’t tell her to go away.

They sat in silence, Louis drinking her Coke, feeling her stomach starting to settle down. At one point Harry put a hand over hers and she thought _Get away from me, let me go_ , but she said nothing, not up to pushing Harry away. She still had nothing to say though, and when she got up, staggering a little, she didn’t expect Harry to follow her, but she did.

“I’m okay, really,” she said as they went down the hall in the unfamiliar house. “I might need to rest, that’s all.” Harry didn’t go but she did let go of her hand when Louis shook it off. “I don’t need help walking,” she said, and then immediately did a sidestep. 

“Surrre you don’t,” Harry drawled and it made Louis laugh, she couldn’t help it, and Harry beamed, so happy. “Here, I think this is an empty bedroom, why don’t you lie down there, I’ll sit with you.” Louis staggered in it, and it was a lot like hers-mattress on the floor, ripped up posters on the wall. 

“We don’t know whose room this is, I hate it when people crash in my room.” Louis was tired though, and she sat on the mattress almost against her will. 

“Maybe I can ask,” and before Louis could tell her to get her ass back here, not to embarrass her, she was out the door. Louis put her head in her hands when she heard Harry’s voice: “Who sleeps in the room three down on the right? Louis needs to rest.” That got her a huge laugh and a “It’s mine, let her have it, she just can’t stay the night unless she’s fucking me!” Louis got to her feet, furious, as Harry came back. Even in the dark of the room she could see Harry’s red face, and that almost made her feel badly for her. Almost.

“Why did you do that?” She spat at Harry, who looked like she was about to cry. “What did you think they would say? Fuck it, now I have to go, I can’t stay here…” She went to move past Harry, who grabbed her arm, and then looked even more horrified when Louis shook it off. 

“I didn’t know, I’m sorry Louis, I thought they would just….” She was close to crying now, Louis up close to her face, and it only made Louis angrier.

“You thought what? That they wouldn’t make jokes like that about me, about us? Do you know what they probably say about us the moment our backs are turned? And don’t think your precious bandmates are any better, because they’re probably not.” Louis could feel her insides churn, and she tried to calm down before she threw up again. 

“Is that what you think? Do you think about your bandmates that way?” Harry now looked more angry than upset, and it was a lot more attractive. “You can’t-you can’t go through life like that, thinking that everyone is out to get you.”

“We’re the only two women in bands in this whole scene. They are out to get us.” And then Louis leaned in the last few inches and kissed Harry hard. 

Harry’s body went entirely stiff, and Louis was about to pull back, but then Harry snaked an arm around Louis’s waist and held her, opening her mouth to the kiss. Harry tasted like beer and cola, and Louis pressed hard up against her, chest to chest, and she could feel Harry’s small tits under her shirt. 

She reached a hand up to cup one of Harry’s tits, and Harry growled and shoved her hand back down. “Sorry,” she gasped into her mouth, and she pulled back. “Do I need to stop?” Harry looked at her, huge green eyes watery with tears, and shook her head. “Just kissing then?” 

“For now,” Harry said, and Louis sagged against her. She was still drunk and probably needed to lie down, but Harry was bracing her up and she didn’t want to pause it, afraid that if they stopped long enough to lie down, the spell would be broken. 

“Don’t know why I’m doing this,” Harry muttered as Louis kissed down her neck. “You fucking hate my guts.” Louis wouldn’t go that far, but she didn’t correct her either. “I’m not your enemy, I don’t know why you think I am.” 

Louis bit gently into the place where Harry’s neck and shoulder met. “You’re okay,” is all she said, and Harry huffed out a laugh.

“Gee, thanks so much.” Then Louis felt her slip a hand under her shirt, stroking over her back, and she stiffened for a minute. “Too much?” 

“Just leave it there,” Louis said, and moved up to kiss her again. Then she felt unsteady and said “I’m going to lie down.” She pulled away from Harry with only a little regret and flopped down on the mattress. Harry came over and paused for just a second before getting on it with her. 

Now that they were lying down, Louis felt some of the desperate attraction ease back. Harry was flopped half on her, and Louis decided it was okay. She closed her eyes. “Probably going to sleep since I’m lying down,” she said, and she could feel the dizzy spiral start. Fucking bed spins. Harry put a hand on her wrist, and that grounded her.

“Want me to stay?” And well, Louis didn’t want her to go. 

“Yes. If you get bored, you can go, but…yes.” Harry squeezed her hand and Louis drifted off. 

When she woke up, she was on her side, and there was a puke bucket near her head. She moved slowly, and there was a helpful hand on her arm. She almost shook it off, but it was Harry and she didn’t mean any harm. “Hey,” she said, and she sat up. 

“Hey,” Harry said back. “You’ve been asleep an hour. I stayed in to watch you. I don’t think we’re missing anything.” A loud laugh from the front of the house confirmed that.

“I’m sure you’re right.” Louis rubbed a hand over her face. “Can you get Liam for me? I think I should go home.” Harry stood up, looking at her for a moment, obviously worried, and then she left. A minute later, the door opened and Harry and Liam were standing there. 

“Hey,” Liam said, and Louis nodded. “I’m gonna help you up now,” he said, careful, always careful not to crowd her. She just lifted her arms and let Liam gather her up, putting an arm around her to help her walk. “Niall’s already packed the car, he’s outside guarding it now. “We’re ready to go whenever you are.” 

“I can go now,” Louis said, and she paused in front of Harry, staring at her until Harry broke eye contact. Then she leaned in and whispered. “You were good. Just you. Your band is alright, but you’re the standout. Do whatever you want with that information.” Harry’s head snapped back up, staring at her, and Louis nodded. “Goodbye Harry.”

“Um, yeah. Bye.” Liam shook his head and led Louis out. Louis was quiet on the way home, and when they got there, she drank two glasses of water and took a headache tablet and went to her room. Liam looked at her, concerned, and she shook her head. She wasn’t up to talking about her feelings right then. She wasn’t even sure what they were. She took off her bra without taking off her shirt, threw it across the room, and collapsed onto her mattress.

When she woke up the next morning, she curled up in a ball, head pounding, and thought about…things. She couldn’t make it any more clear than that, her mind was swirling in a vortex of confusion. Most of it centered around Harry, who was naïve and annoying and had the prettiest plush lips. Fuck. Just what she needed, another pretty disaster in her life. There was a knock on the door and Louis rolled over on her back. “What?”

“Hey.” It was Niall’s voice. “Your friend is here, should I let her in?” Louis didn’t have to ask who it was.

“Not now, I’m fucking hungover and still in bed. Give me a minute.” She got up slowly, and scrubbed a hand through her hair. She was filthy, covered in sweat, and she didn’t give a fuck. If Harry couldn’t handle that, then fuck her. She took her shirt off, put on another one, and opened the door.

Harry was right there, and Louis wasn’t surprised. She smiled at Louis, looking a little nervous, and held up a six pack of ginger beer. “You making house calls?” Harry turned a bit pink, but she just shrugged. Louis snagged one of the cans and gulped it down, letting out a loud belch.

“Charming,” Harry said, and Louis just shrugged. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, come on.” Louis moved to the side and let Harry in. Harry sat down on her mattress and Louis next to her. “Really, why did you come by?”

“Just wanted to be sure you were okay.” Harry was chewing her lip, and Louis wondered if she was worried about the night before, the kissing. Harry looked infuriatingly beautiful, and Louis wondered if that would ever stop pissing her off. “And…I guess I wanted…” Louis waited. “I don’t know.” Harry seemed to be losing her nerve. 

“You wanted what?” Louis said, her voice gentle. “You wanted this?” Louis brushed her fingertips across Harry’s beautiful face, and her thumb over her lips. Harry’s beautiful eyes widened, and she leaned in closer. Louis bridged the gap and gave her a gentle kiss and Harry sighed. Louis kissed her for a moment, and then pulled back. “I’d do more, but I know I stink right now.”

“I didn’t want to say anything,” Harry mumbled, and that made Louis laugh. 

“Don’t spare my feelings, you’re the one who came by so early anyway.” Harry laughed, and Louis said “What? It’s early, isn’t it?” 

“Lou, it’s two in the afternoon. You’ve been asleep for most of the day. Was it that bad?” Louis shrugged and grabbed another ginger beer.

“My head still hurts like a bloody bastard, so I’d say yes.” Louis laughed a little, then looked over at Harry. “I need a fry-up, or some cheeseburgers. Grease will take care of this hangover I think. You want to come with me, get something to eat? I should shower first.”

“Lou,” Harry drawled. “Are you asking me on a date?” Louis stood up, and pulled her shirt off, tossing it on the bed. Harry’s eyes bugged at the sight of her small tits. 

“Fuck if I know. Sure. Now let me shower.” She strolled out of her room, trying to appear confident, and then ducked quickly into the shower before any of the lads saw her. Now she had to take a shower with no top to change into. That was probably a dumb move, but what the fuck. She was hungover, she couldn’t be expected to be her brightest. And it was worth it to see Harry’s face. 

Louis showered quickly, then toweled off, scrubbing her hair. When she was done, she put her pants back on and was ready to run for it. But as soon as she opened the door, Harry was there, shoving her shirt at her. She put it on quickly and nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem, you idiot.” Louis grinned, and moved past Harry to go back to her room and grab her wallet. “Heading out, lads,” she yelled, and Harry followed her outside. “Gonna walk a bit, might clear my head. There’s a place a few blocks up, makes a nice cheap steak and mash. I’m sure they’ll have something for you, all right?” 

“Yeah, cheap diner that specializes in steak, very veg friendly.” Louis laughed, and she could feel herself like Harry that much more, the more sarcastic she was, the better, it seemed. They found the place and Louis got steak and mash while Harry wound up with a plate of chips and a wilted salad. Louis ate her steak, and watched as Harry poked at her salad.

“Sorry, I thought there would be more for you. We’re in London, there’s loads of grass-eaters.” Harry glared at her and tossed a chip. Louis laughed, and Harry eventually smiled. “Really, I’m sorry you got stuck with chips and that pile of dead lettuce. I wasn’t thinking. We’ll go for Indian next time.”

“Next time,” Harry said happily, and Louis felt another stab of fondness. Damn her, for being so pretty and clever. She must have scowled, because Harry suddenly looked a bit frightened. “Louis?”

“Sorry,” Louis said, and she shoved some of the steak in her mouth to keep from saying anything. The conversation lulled a bit after that, and when they were done, Louis piled a bunch of notes on the table, and started when Harry put a hand on her wrist.

“Let me pay for some of it.” Louis looked at her, curious, and Harry shrugged. “I can, I have some money.” 

“You didn’t ask though.” Clearly, Louis had asked, so it was her duty to pay. Harry didn’t seem to see it that way, and she added a few notes of her own. “Oh, all right.” She remembered then that Harry was a bit of a rich kid, and Louis must have looked poverty-stricken to her. “Walk me back to mine?” Harry nodded, and they left, Louis waving at the counter man on her way out. 

It was quiet on the way back too, Louis with her shoulders hunched, wondering what the hell she was doing. When they got back to the house, she stood in front of Harry. “Well.”

“Well,” Harry said in a bright voice. “Are we going back inside?” 

“Maybe just me,” Louis said, and Harry’s face fell. “No, don’t be upset. I just need some time alone.” It was true, and she didn’t always admit it, but being around people was hard. And she needed to think this over. “You can come back. You can even call me.” 

“Don’t have your number,” Harry said, still pouting, and Louis wanted to kiss that expression off. She restrained herself, and instead banged inside, yelling at Liam for a pen. When she got back, she wrote her number on Harry’s hand. 

“Now you have it. I’ll see you later Harry.” She pulled Harry in for a hug, but ducked the kiss. “Sorry. Just…maybe later.” Harry looked confused, but she nodded, a little half-smile on her face as she left. Louis watched her go, then went back inside.

“Nice! You got another girlfriend?” Louis flipped Niall off, heading back to her room.

“Shut up. Nobody’s stupid enough to date me.” Louis went into her room and shut the door, falling back on her mattress. The house was surprisingly quiet considering it was full of boys, and Louis sighed. Maybe she should have given Harry a kiss goodbye. Maybe. She had no idea what she was doing, that wasn’t new. 

She closed her eyes and tried to get the image of a smiling Harry out of her head. It didn’t work.


	3. Maybe We Can Stay Up (And Have A Ball)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry starts staying over, and they negotiate how things are going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter, took a while. I hope this wasn't too much of a leap forward for these two, trust me, Louis still has a lot of doubts. I highly recommend both Love and Human Remains and Switchblade Sisters for your movie nights. Thanks to magdalyna for the design of Harry's pubic hair.
> 
> Hope my description of "stone butch" is correct. In my (admittedly limited) experience, boobs were not always off the table.

It was a few days before she heard from Harry. Louis tried not to think about it, instead kept busy, working her job and writing songs with Liam. It was no big deal, although she supposed she should have gotten Harry's number as well. Still, it wasn’t a problem.

On Thursday, Louis was lying on her mattress, trying to get the energy to get ready for work, when her phone rang. “Fuck, who’s this,” she muttered when she didn’t recognize the number, and answered, expecting a telemarketer. “Hey.”

“Hi Louis.” Harry’s voice came through the speaker, and Louis felt a shiver go through her, and then immediately tried to suppress it. “Sorry I didn’t call later.”

“That’s all right.” It was, really. She barely expected Harry to call at all. “You were probably busy.” Louis sat up, scratching through her short hair. She really needed to wash it. 

“I was in Cheshire actually, visiting my mum and stepdad. My sister had a holiday from school and I stayed a few days.” Harry yawned then. “Sorry. I was up late last night, taking the train.”

“Are you okay?” Louis said, not bothering to keep the worry out of his voice. “Was it hard seeing them?” She could just imagine, a few days at home, it could be really rough. “You can come over if you want.”

“What?” Harry sounded confused. “Oh, no. Everything was fine. They’re not happy with me, because I dropped out of uni, but it was okay. We just had a talk about money and responsibility and things. Mum wants me to get a job, since they pay for my flat.”

They paid for Harry’s flat. Louis could not believe she was taking up with some spoiled rich girl. Fuck her for being beautiful. “I’ll get you a job at Tesco. They might need another cashier. I don’t work up front, but I’m sure you’d do fine there.” She stood up then, stretching her back. “I have to get ready for work now. Why don’t you come by later? I’m only working a short shift today.” 

“Oh. Okay, I can be over. Should I bring anything?” Harry sounded happy, and Louis rolled her eyes a little. She was always so eager to please. “I mean, you paid for dinner last time, I should bring something.”

“Just whatever you want to eat, and a movie you like. We’ll watch some in my room. I have to go now, bye Harry.” Harry said goodbye, almost radiating good cheer and happiness down the phone, and Louis hung up, heading for the shower. The bathroom door was locked and she banged on it. “Come on, let me in. Whoever that is, go wank in your own room.” 

“One minute!” It was Liam’s voice, nervous and higher than usual, and Louis frowned. After a second, he opened the door and rushed past her, his hoodie bunched up in his arm. “Sorry,” he said, but Liam was gone before Louis could say it back. She shook her head, he was her best friend, but he could be really strange.

Louis’s night passed by quickly. Working the afternoon to closing shift was all right, and since she was in the back mostly, nobody spoke to her much. When she got home at ten, she was tired and sweaty and had forgotten about Harry. That is, until she came home to her sitting on the couch with Liam and Mutt. “Oh. Hi.” 

“Hi.” Harry didn’t seem to pick up on the fact that Louis had spaced on her coming over, and instead just handed over a container of Chinese food. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I got chicken lo mein, is that okay?” 

Louis looked at the little paper box, and then back at Harry. “Yes. You didn’t have to get me anything, but thank you.” Harry beamed, and Louis was embarrassed for her, for caring so much about what Louis thought, and doing it publicly. “Right. Let’s go to my room, did you bring a movie?” 

“You don’t just have Netflix on your computer?” Harry said, confused, but she did have a movie in her hand. Louis reached out and took her elbow, steering her out of the living room. Mutt raised his beer in salute and she gave him the finger behind her back. 

“I don’t even have a computer really, I just borrow Liam’s. I have a phone that I pay for, and that’s about the extent of it.” She flicked on the light to her room and pulled out her little shelf on wheels thing that had a small TV and DVD player on it. “That’s what I have. If you don’t like it, too bad.”

“I was half expecting a VHS player,” Harry said, and Louis flipped her off. “Really, where did you even find this?” She moved so she was sitting on Louis’s mattress, and looked at the TV like it was a curious relic in an museum. Louis had to roll her eyes-most people had TV’s. Granted, most of them might be flat-screen, but still.

“I dived it. It was sitting out on the side of the street near a dumpster, the DVD player too. Guess someone like you upgraded to streaming and didn’t need it anymore. So I took it. Why should it go to waste?” Louis raised an eyebrow at Harry, who looked surprised, but also a bit impressed. Good.

“I never thought about that. About taking something out of the rubbish. I guess I never, well…” Harry stopped, looking down. 

“You’ve never needed to, I know. But you can, if you want. It’s recycling, innit?” Harry nodded, smiling softly, and Louis held her hand out for the movie. “Love and Human Remains. Wow, I’ve heard of this.” Louis thought it was an interesting choice for a first date. 

Not that she wanted to tell Harry is _was_ a first date. 

“I like it, it’s strange, and kind of depressing, but it’s good. You’d probably like it.” Louis smelled Chinese food and turned to see Harry with her chopsticks in her paper box and stuffing rice in her mouth. “Put it in and come here, let’s watch it.” 

“Stop being so impatient.” Louis put the movie in (she hadn’t been able to find a remote control when she found the dvd player), turned the light off, and sat down. Harry immediately moved in closer, so they were shoulder to shoulder. Louis started on her lo mein, watching the movie. “I should get us beers,” she said, and Harry pouted.

“Come on, I won’t be gone long.” Harry kept pouting, somehow looking even more pitiful, but Louis squirmed away and went to the kitchen. When she got back, Harry had the blankets pulled up around her chin, with her hands out, still eating her rice. Louis rolled her eyes and handed her a beer.

“Thanks.” She put down her food and placed the beer on the floor. When she did, the blanket shifted and Louis saw a flash of skin. She squinted in the dim light, and there was a small pile of clothes next to Harry’s side of the bed. Louis took a quick sip of her beer.

“Harry, why is your top on the floor?” And then she took another sip. She thought maybe she was too sober for this. 

“Wanted to take it off,” she said, looking pleased with herself. “Come back to bed Lou, keep me warm.” 

Louis snorted. “That is the corniest line ever. You want to be warm, put your shirt back on.” Harry seemed to hesitate then, and looked almost apologetic. “Oh, fine,” Louis said, and got back in with her. Harry immediately cuddled up, and Louis slid one arm around her shoulders. Harry’s skin was smooth and soft under her arm, and she brushed her fingers down Harry’s arm.

“That’s nice,” Harry said. Louis felt Harry put her head on Louis’ shoulder. She could feel the soft puffs of air as Harry breathed, and she didn’t dare look over. If she looked, she would wind up kissing Harry. That was probably inevitable, but she was going to try to hold out for a while.

They watched the movie in silence for a while. Louis had never seen it before, and was truly interested-it was dark and mordantly funny. “This is good.”

“Thought you’d like it,” Harry replied, and she pecked a short kiss to Louis’ neck. “Glad you haven’t seen it before, it’s nice to show you something new.” Harry turned and Louis could feel Harry’s breasts against her side.

“It’ll be nice if I could see the whole thing then,” Louis said, staring at the screen. The psychic dominatrix friend of the main character was reading someone’s mind, and it was very interesting. Not many movies had a psychic dominatrix. 

“Lou.” Harry sounded needy then, and she pressed her mouth to Louis’ neck, scraping her teeth over the pulse. Louis had to breathe deep. “Come on, Louis.” Louis looked over then and Harry looked honestly hungry. Louis bet that Harry didn’t get rejected very often, and Louis was driving her crazy. “Please.”

Louis leaned in for a kiss, and Harry responded eagerly, biting into the kiss and making Louis want to come out of her skin. She was turned on, very much so, but she pulled back, leaving Harry wide-eyed with pink cheeks. “Not yet,” she said. “Let’s finish the movie, and maybe then. But…just give me a little time please.”

“Oh. All right.” Louis faced the movie again, and Harry seemed to back off a bit. She moved so her tits weren’t touching Louis, although she kept close. Louis watched the movie in silence, sipping her beer occasionally. Harry was quiet as well, and when Louis looked at her from the corner of her eye, she seemed to be watching as well.

When the movie ended, Harry seemed to be half-asleep, drowsing on her shoulder, and Louis gently moved her so she could eject the movie. She kept the tv on, putting it on some rubbish comedy channel with the sound off so it would be a nightlight. She looked at Harry, who seemed to be out, and then got back in bed with her, turning her way. Harry shifted, and then she was spooning Harry, her face in her neck.

“That’s nice,” Harry said, voice muffled with sleep. “’M sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m just so tired still.” Louis moved some of Harry’s hair back, and kissed her neck. “You’re being sweet to me tonight, why?”

Louis kissed her again, feeling her pulse in the vein in her neck. “Well, you’ve been trying to have sex with me since you got here, so…” Harry laughed, not in the least embarrassed, and Louis laughed too. Then Harry turned around, and Louis was holding her face to face this time. Harry’s face looked unexpectedly solemn in the dim light. 

“You’re not mad are you? I’ve been coming on strong but, you took your shirt off last time and I thought…it was too much, wasn’t it?” Louis put a hand in Harry’s hair, tangling through the long strands.

“I’m not angry. I took off my shirt just to take the piss at you, but I don’t mind that you did.” Harry blinked her eyes slowly, and her attention was nerve-wracking. Louis had to stop looking directly at her, so she kissed Harry instead.

Harry moved fast, the next thing Louis knew she was on her back and Harry was on top, kissing her hard. Louis was drowning in her hair, unable to see anything from the length of it in her face, so she pulled Harry’s hair back with her hands. Harry just made a pleased noise and kissed her more. 

“Louis, “Harry said, breaking the kiss for a moment and letting Louis breathe. “Louis…please touch me. If you want to, you don’t have to, but…please touch me.” Harry was panting, looking needy again, and Louis reached over and cupped one breast.

Harry’s lips parted, and she tipped her face up, eyes closed, and Louis moved her thumb over Harry’s nipple, rubbing in circles. Harry let out a deep moan, and Louis tweaked it. “Shhh. The boys are in the next room, don’t make too much noise.” 

“Sorry.” Harry moved against her, and Louis moved so Harry was humping her thigh. Louis was still in her work jeans and Harry in her black trousers, and Harry whimpered, frustrated. “Louis…”

Louis flipped them over, and Harry blinked underneath her, looking a bit surprised. “Off,” Louis said, pushing at her tight trousers, and then helped Harry get them off. Harry’s hand wandered to her jeans, but Louis pushed her hand away. “No. Just you.” 

“But…” Louis shook her head, and then kissed Harry to shut her up. Harry relaxed into the kiss, and then made a squeaking noise in Louis’ mouth when Louis moved her hand down, touching her outer lips softly. “Oh please,” Harry said, mouth against hers, and Louis touched her, feeling how wet she was. 

“Remember to be quiet,” Louis said, and she kissed Harry, then moved down to her neck, then her collarbone. Harry was gangly, all arms and legs and sweet smooth skin, like she was still growing into her body. She was only two years younger than Louis, but Harry seemed so…new, compared to her. Louis moved down, licking over a nipple and Harry whimpered, loud, and she heard a burst of laughter from the kitchen. “Harry…”

“Sorry. Sorry sorry.” Harry looked honestly contrite, and Louis grazed the nipple with her teeth, one hand still between Harry’s legs, two fingers stroking either side of the hood, her clit in the middle. Harry bit her lip, trying to keep the noises in.

“That how you like to be touched?” Harry nodded, eyes huge and dark in the dim light, and Louis kissed over her tit, brushing her lips over the beautiful pale skin. “Good.You’re so responsive. I’m barely doing anything.” She brought her hand up, and Harry whimpered until she opened her eyes and saw it in front of her face. “Lick.”

Harry looked her in the eye as she licked and sucked Louis’ fingers, getting them wet. Louis moved down Harry’s body, moving her legs apart.“Gonna eat you out, is that okay?” Harry whimpered, and Louis looked up at her. “Harry, I mean it. Tell me if you want it.” 

“Y-yes,” Harry said, her voice shaking. “I like it, yeah, go ahead.” Her voice was already wavering, and Louis spread Harry’s inner lips wider and licked, flicking her tongue over Harry’s clit. Harry let out a deep moan, and Louis pinched her inner thigh. “Sorry. I’ll try to be-oh fuck.” Harry lost the thread as Louis kept licking her. Louis slid two fingers inside, curving them. She had no idea if G-spot stimulation would work on Harry or not, but it was always worth a try.

Harry moved against her, grinding her cunt against Louis’ face, and she kept moaning, just on the side of too loud. After a minute Louis pulled off, getting a frustrated whimper out of Harry. “Do I have to gag you to keep you quiet?” 

Harry sat up, looking at her, and Louis had been _kidding_ , but the look in Harry’s eyes was almost pleading. “Really? I could do that?” Harry nodded then, and dropped her gaze. “No. No, don’t be embarrassed if it’s something you want.” Louis moved from between Harry’s legs and scrambled around for something to gag her with, and came up with Harry’s own panties. “How about this?” 

Harry nodded and obediently opened her mouth. Louis balled up the panties and stuck them in her mouth. “Just put ‘em back in if they fall out, your hands are free.” Harry smiled around the gag in her mouth, and ran a hand down Louis’ back. “That’s right. Gonna eat you some more, okay?” Harry nodded and Louis went back between Harry’s legs. 

Harry kept moaning and moving as Louis ate her out, but now it was more muffled. When Louis blew cool air over Harry’s clit, a hand came down to tangle in Louis’ sweaty hair, and Louis smiled. She wanted it to be good, wanted Harry to come. 

Harry did finally come, when Louis flicked tongue over her clit while fingering her fast, and she almost pulled the hair out of Louis’ head. Louis looked up at glared at her, but Harry was already melting back into the pillow, blissed out. 

Louis moved around, trying to get back up on the mattress, and for the first time she noticed Harry’s pubic hair-she had made designs in it. Louis brushed her thumb over a star, and Harry shivered. She put a hand on Louis’ arm and Louis got ready for the next part.

“Lou.” Harry had removed the gag and her voice was breathy and warm. “Lou, it’s your turn. Let me do you, I can, I know how…” Louis shook her head, trying to turn away. “Why? You were so good, don’t you want to come?”

Louis did want to come, she could feel how wet she was in her jeans. But she would have to wait. “I know. I know you probably can, but…I don’t like to be touched.” Harry looked confused and hurt, and Louis put an arm around her. “It’s not you. I just don’t like it, it makes me edgy if someone touches my pussy.” 

“But…why?” Louis shook her head, she didn’t really have an answer. But she turned toward Harry and kissed her. 

“I don’t know, it’s just how I am. I want to make you happy, I don’t need anything.” She did, she couldn’t wait for Harry to fall asleep so she could get herself off, but she wasn’t telling Harry that. “Don’t feel bad about it, it really isn’t you. You’re beautiful.” 

“Okay,” Harry said, and there was a tremble in her voice that made Louis lean in for another kiss, to try to make it go away. Louis pulled Harry into her arms, and put her face in Harry’s neck. “So you want me to stay over?”

“Of course,” Louis said, and Harry hummed in response. Louis kissed Harry’s neck and tried to get comfortable. “Louis…if you want to get undressed to sleep, I won’t look. Okay?”

“Okay.” Louis pulled away, and Harry put a hand over her eyes. Louis took off her jeans and bra and got back into bed. Harry put her arms back around her, rubbing her back, and Louis sighed. “That’s nice.”

“Night Louis.” Harry already sounded nearly asleep, so Louis closed her eyes, trying to at least doze off. But she was aching, nearly, from wanting to get off. When Harry started snoring in her ear, she waited a couple more minutes and then untangled herself to go to the bathroom.

The coast was clear-she could ear muffled conversation and drinking in the living room, but there was nobody in the kitchen, so she slipped into the bathroom unnoticed. When the door was closed and locked she slid a hand into her boxer briefs and brought herself off, thinking about how Harry felt under her tongue and fingers. It was rough and fast, and after, she washed her hands, not even wanting to meet her own eyes in the mirror. 

When she got back, Harry had flung the covers off and she was stretched across the bed, frowning in her sleep. Louis got in and tucked herself around her, and Harry sighed. Louis kissed her temple, and let herself relax into sleep.

Louis woke up the next day to the sounds of her housemates fucking about in the kitchen, and to Harry nuzzling her neck. “Hey,” she said and Harry purred. Louis rolled her eyes-Harry was ridiculous. Then Harry cupped one of Louis’ breasts, and she shuddered. “Hey now,” Louis said, and she gently pushed the hand away.

“No?” Harry sounded sleepy and confused, and Louis moved so she could see her. “Oh. You said…that means your tits too?” 

“I don’t like them touched most of the time, yeah. Sometimes, but not now. Okay?” Harry gave her a slow nod and Louis kissed her, a quick brush of the lips. “Okay, do you want the shower first?” 

Harry shook her head. “No, I’ll just head home. I need to meet a friend in a few hours, I’ll wash up at home. But thanks.” Harry sat up and started grabbing her clothes. When she found her panties, she last. “I fucking drooled all over these. You can keep them.” She tossed them at Louis. 

“Thank you darling, I’ll add them to my collection.” Harry got up and Louis stared at her naked body. “Wait. I couldn’t really see in the light last night-how many designs did you make with your goddamn pubic hair?” 

“Um,” Harry flushed as Louis looked her over. Louis went to her knees in front of Harry and put her thumbs on either side of her mons, staring. It looked like some fancy stencil job, and she just had to stare for a second. When she looked up, Harry looked embarrassed but also a bit turned on, and Louis dropped her hands.

“Stars. Stars and a heart? Are you sure you’re eighteen? You should get a rainbow, get some dye and do that on top of your cunt, it would be cute.”

“Shut up,” Harry said, and Louis stroked over her hips and the slight swell of her belly before letting go. Harry got dressed after that, Louis watching her, and when she was ready she leaned in and gave Louis a long kiss. “I’ll see you later. Do you have my number?” 

“Give it to me.” Harry wrote it on a vodka label Louis had on her bookshelf, and after another kiss, she left. Louis heard her tell the boys goodbye, and then the front door closed. Louis stood there for a minute, arms wrapped around herself, and then she dropped them and got her clothes together. She needed a shower.

“Had your friend over?” That was Liam, later that night when they were in his room, working on songs. Louis didn’t say anything until he nudged her arm with his elbow. 

“God, yes, you knew that. Stop pushing me, I’m trying to write something decent here. And she’s not anything special.” Harry, with her tangled hair and pretty eyes. She wasn’t anything special, really. Louis hoped she would call soon, she hoped she would never call again. “It was fine.”

“You’re the first person in the house to get laid proper in months, we’re all happy for you.” Louis punched him hard in the arm, and Liam laughed. “Sorry.” Liam didn’t sound sorry. “Do you think she’ll be back?”

“Dunno. Up to her really. I left her a text.” And she had, just a quick one asking how her lunch went. “She’s irritating, but…” Louis shrugged. Liam nodded, and reached over for another scribbled piece of paper. 

“Maybe she’ll text back.” Louis shrugged. “Here,” Liam said. “I wrote this a few days ago, take a look at it.” And then Liam shut up about Harry and they just worked on songs. Liam was a good friend.

Later that night, while Louis laid on her mattress, fan on, sweating in the summer heat, she got text back. **Hey. Lunch went ok. Friend is helping me w/my resume. Can I see you tomorrow?**

Louis waited a few seconds before sending a text back. **Sure. Asked at work if they had a position up front, they said to try. Good?**

 **That’s good. Might try the bakery too. I have experience there.** Louis raised an eyebrow, she hadn’t know this about her. She’d assumed that Harry never worked a day in her life. This was…interesting.

**I’ll check up on it. Fill out some applications online, and I’ll put in a good word.**

**Should I be scared of that? Would a good word from you actually help?** Louis could see her, laughing over her phone, and she scowled and texted back.

**Ungrateful bitch. Trying to help you. Yes it will, been working there for 3 yrs.**

**Hahahaha okay. I trust you. I’ll put in the application now. See you tomorrow? At yr place?.**

**Yes. Working tomorrow, come over later?** Her text to Harry got an affirmative, and Louis let herself smile, just a little. **Bring some ice cream this time.**

**Okay Lou. See you.** Louis texted back a smiley face, feeling like an idiot, and threw her phone on the mattress. She felt gross and dirty from the heat, and wanted to take another shower, but Dizzy was watching all of them, trying to keep them from wasting water. Water bills were high. She flopped back down on her bed, and turned the fan up. Eventually, she fell asleep.

When Louis got back from work, Harry was waiting outside. Louis had to stop for a minute when she saw that…thing that Harry was leaning on.

“Please tell me that isn’t your scooter.”

Harry frowned. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s _pink_.” And it was, a nice pale pink even. At least Harry had a black helmet. “That’s just so…” Louis couldn’t even think of words. 

“It’s nice. My parents got it for me.” Louis did her best not to roll her eyes, if she kept rolling her eyes at Harry they were bound to stick like that. “And I like pink. I like pretty things. What’s wrong with that? Just because something’s pretty, doesn’t mean it’s less. Or that it’s weak, or whatever you seem to think.” Harry was glowering at her now, and Louis felt maybe a bit in the wrong. 

“Okay, sorry. Didn’t mean to insult your scooter. At least the helmet doesn’t have cat ears.” Harry kept staring a hole through her, and Louis sighed. “Can we please go inside and have some ice cream? It’s hot out here.”

“I don’t know if you deserve it now. You’re always so willing to make fun of me, and I could probably go for days about your…” she sputtered for a minute. “Your stupid boots.” 

Louis looked at her boots. “I’ve had these for three years, they still don’t have holes in them.” She had gotten them on sale too, but she didn't mention that. Harry had probably never shopped on sales because she had to in her life. “And I like them. They’re just like the boys.”

“I see that. Girly things are not for you. Anyway, if you’re through making fun of me, can we go in? I brought chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.”

“Oh yes, you can come in with that, definitely.” Louis moved so she was walking beside Harry and let her in the house. It was a bit more quiet than usual. Dizzy was taking a long motorcycle ride to nowhere in particular this week, Mutt was working overnights, and Liam was at his parent’s. Louis smiled, and looked over at Harry.

“Boys are gone, it’s all ours. Want to watch a movie out here or in my room?”

“Your room, ‘cause we’re going to be making out probably. And I trust that mattress more than your couch.” She gave the couch a disdainful look, which Louis didn’t understand. It was just old, that was all. It was perfectly good.

“You’ve laid down on that couch before. Let’s get some spoons.” Bowls were not needed, any good ice cream fan knew that, and to her credit Harry did not object. When they got their spoons and went back to Louis’ room, Louis said “I’m picking the movie this time.” She went to her bookshelf and spent a few minutes searching before coming up with one, flashing Harry the dvd cover. 

“Switchblade Sisters! Ever seen it? You’ll love it!” 

Harry looked dubious, but Louis got her TV out and put it in before snuggling up next to Harry. She took the ice cream away from Harry for a second, getting a good scoop, then gave it back. “This one’s fun to recite the lines to. It should’ve been done onstage, like Rocky Horror.”

Harry didn’t say much, just ate ice cream while watching the movie in a detached way while Louis chirped in with various lines. Halfway through the movie, the ice cream was gone and Harry was back to putting her head on Louis’ shoulder. Louis didn’t look over-she really did want to watch the movie. Harry yawned, and Louis put her arm around, bringing her in closer. 

“It’s okay if you nap. I haven’t seen this in a while.” Harry made a sulky noise and Louis sighed. “You want me to pay attention to you? Fine.” She got up and paused the movie, coming back to the bed. Harry smiled at her and kissed her neck. 

“Now, remember the rules,” Louis said as Harry moved on top of her, trying to slip her leg in between hers. “I won’t want to be touched, I need you to respect that.” Harry moved her leg, but now she was staring at her, face serious.

“Why don’t you? Is it because I’m bi? Do you think I’d be bad at it. I’ve gone down on girls before, I promise.” Louis sat up, dislodging Harry, and that just made her more upset. “Please.”

“I told you, that’s not the reason.” Louis’ voice can gone sharp and Harry blinked, looking a bit frightened. “I…shit.” Louis found her little reading lamp in the half-dark and turned it on. “It really isn’t you, it’s not about you…Harry, have you ever heard the term ‘stone butch’ before?” 

Harry looked a bit confused for a minute, and then she nodded. “I read about that, in my sexuality class.” Louis shook her head a little, not really surprised. “I didn’t think that was all that common now.” 

“It isn’t. I’ve only met a few other dykes that are stone, most of them are older than me. And to them, I’m a little bit more open, because I don’t mind having my tits touched sometimes.” Louis shrugged, it was uncomfortable talking about it like this, in detail. “If you keep coming over, I might be okay with that. But don’t touch my cunt, it makes me really nervous and I don’t get off from it.”

“Okay.” Harry was obviously processing it, and Louis sat back and watched her mind work. After a couple of minutes she stopped frowning and turned to Louis. “But...how do you get off?” 

“I get off later. I get myself off. I can touch myself, I just don’t like it when other people touch me.” 

“Could I watch you?” 

“Um, I don’t think so. I don’t know, I never considered that.” It was actually very nerve-wracking to think about, but she didn’t say so. “Don’t worry about me. I love making my partners come, and that’s what I think about later. So you’re still part of it.”

“Seems odd, to me,” Harry said, thoughtful. “But if that’s you, it’s all right. I know you make fun of me for just about everything, but I can handle this. But…can I ask one more thing?” Louis nodded. “Are you…do you think you’re trans? Maybe you don’t like being touched because you’re a boy?”

Louis shook her head. “I’ve thought about that. I have, a lot, and I decided that being a man wouldn’t make things any better. I think it’s just me. But yeah, that possibility occurred to me as well, don’t blame you for asking.” Harry’s face relaxed into a smile, and Louis felt part of her melt at the sight. _Shit_.

“So, now that we have that settled, you want me to go down on you now? Finger you?” Harry shrugged. “You don’t want anything?” Louis felt a tiny flick of panic-did talking about her hang-ups make Harry not want her?

“I can wait.” Harry shrugged. “Maybe I can just kiss you now.” Harry nuzzled her neck, and Louis relaxed, putting a hand in her dark curls, brushing through them.

“Thanks for understanding.” Louis hoped Harry did understand. She seemed to, at least.  
Harry smiled against her lips and said “No problem” in her low voice, and Louis kissed her again.


	4. 'Cause Everybody Knows She's a Femme Fatale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry go out, and then spend some time in.

A week after their second (third?) date, Louis got a call from Harry. “Hey Lou. Do you want to go out tomorrow night? If you’ve got the time off that is.” 

“I do actually,” Louis said, smiling a bit at hearing Harry’s voice. That was alright, because there was no one around to see. “What did you have in mind?” 

“Do you want to go see a band? There’s five bands playing at the Underground tomorrow, it could be fun.” Louis started nodded her assent when Harry said “Oh, and my band will be there.” That stopped her in her tracks.

“Your band? Harry, that’s not much of a date, I just think you should know.” Louis looked at the mirror in her room, she looked scrawny. If she had a problem with one of Harry’s band, could she beat them in a fight? She was distracted by that thought by Harry. 

“Come on, they’re good guys, we’re just all going to see a show together, thought I’d bring you.” That sounded almost reasonable, but Louis still didn’t like the sound of that.

“Are your lads bringing dates too? Or is it just you?” 

“Just me I think. Calum is the only one seeing anyone, and she’s got classes tomorrow.” Harry still sounded chirpy. “It’ll be fun, and we can get away from them if we need to. You don’t even have to pay attention to them.”

“Oh all right. I hope it’s a good time. Think it’ll be a big crowd?” Harry chirped an affirmative, and Louis smiled a bit, brushing her hair back with her hand.”Okay good. Are we eating beforehand or not? I could eat some curry,” 

“Maybe after, don’t want to be too full before a show.” Louis nodded her agreement, even though Harry couldn’t see her. “I hope it’s good, I really want to have some fun tomorrow night. It’s boring at my flat.”

“You don’t have anything to do, any music to work on? Do your flatmates not like music?” Louis frowned-boredom was the worst enemy, because it fed on itself. “Write a song, pick up a guitar if you have one.”

“I don’t write songs that much,” Harry said, sounding sheepish. “I don’t play, and I’m starting to write lyrics but Calum and Luke write most of the songs. It’s their band really, I just kind of joined.” Louis was about to argue that the band was shit and they were goddamn lucky to have her, but Harry said “Really, I was the last person to join. Let’s not argue about them tonight, okay?”

“Okay. You’re right, I don’t know them well enough to give them a hard time I suppose.” Louis still didn’t think much of them, but that was all right. She’d either warm to them are she wouldn’t. “What time should we meet?” 

“Eight all right? I’ll be ready by then. And maybe after…you can come by my place? I don’t have any flatmates, so it’ll be quiet.” Louis didn’t say anything at first, and Harry said “Lou?” Her voice was worried and Louis scrambled to answer.

“Sorry. Yes, I’ll go to yours after. Thanks for inviting me.” Inwardly she was kicking herself: it had only been two weeks or so and Harry was doubting that Louis wanted her. “You know I want to be there with you, we have fun don’t we?” 

“Mmm, yes we do,” she agreed, her voice dropping even lower. “Okay, I need to go. I’m picking up a few shifts at the diner near my house. I haven’t gotten a call back from Tesco yet. So I got a little temporary work.” 

“Yeah? You waitressing?” 

“No, I’m doing some line cooking and prep cooking. I love cooking, even though I have to cook meat there and it’s gross. I can still do it, if someone wants a burger I’ll make it and it’ll be good.” 

“Excellent. Why don’t you go to culinary school instead of uni? It sounds like you’d enjoy it more.” 

“Maybe. Right now I want to focus on the band. Okay, I have to go. See you.” Louis said goodbye and then she was gone. 

Louis was bored, anxious, after talking to Harry, so she went to find Liam. His door was cracked open, so she opened it slightly to find Liam staring in a mirror. He’d been working out, she could tell because his weights weren’t perfectly lined up and he was sweating. He still had on a shirt though, and he had it pulled up, staring at his stomach.

“Vain fucker,” Louis said and Liam started. She smiled, trying to calm him down but he looked angry. “Hey, sorry, I just wanted to talk. I didn’t mean to interrupt your post-workout ritual.” 

Liam flushed red. “Shut up.” He sat down in a chair and looked up at her. “What do you want to talk about?” 

Louis fidgeted. “Shit, I dunno. I just got off the phone with Harry and…I guess I didn’t want to stop talking.” Louis sat on the floor next to Liam’s chair, and he put a hand on the back of her neck. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“That Harry makes you chatty? No. It’s nice that she affects you. She’d be happy if she knew.” Louis shrugged then. She wasn’t planning on telling her. “You two going out again?” 

“To a show, her band will be there.” She turned to face Liam. “You spent some time talking to them at the party, how are they really? Decent lads?” 

“They’re…young.” Louis didn’t feel very reassured by that answer. “They’re all from Australia, and met Harry at school. The one I talked to the most-the one with the piercing? He was probably the best of the lot. He told me they were all really proud that they had a girl singer. They said it made them stand out.”

“Fucking bastard.” Louis wanted to get her hands on his skinny neck. “So they just use her for notoriety?” 

“I don’t think he meant it like that,” Liam said gently, and Louis wanted to roll her eyes. Sweet Liam, always thinking the best of everyone. “He seems to really like her, the others too. Well, the drummer was just steadily getting pissed so I’m not sure about him.” Liam smiled, and Louis couldn’t help but smile back.

“And you were there for a couple of hours, at a party. How did you hold up?” She felt a bit guilty, leaving Liam alone like that, even if she was drunk. “It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“It really wasn’t. I had Niall with me.” Liam smiled. “I can make it for a couple of hours with other people, you know. You don’t have to be with me all the time.” Louis got up and flung an arm around Liam and he flinched. “Um.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Liam side hugged him gently. He didn’t mind some contact, but Louis had to be so careful. “Thanks for telling me. You’re the best friend ever.” Liam reached over and petted her hair, and Louis slapped his hand down. “Fuck, that’s annoying.”

“Love you too,” Liam said, laughing at her. Then he stopped and looked over at her. “I really do. If I hadn’t met you my first week in London I would probably have frozen to death or something. But you found us a squat, got us instruments, places to play. You were great.”

“Well, you know, you had a few moral hang-ups about stealing guitars, so…” Liam laughed again, his face pink and adorable, and Louis thought that if she’d had any tendencies towards boys, she and Liam would probably be married. “You’re the greatest Liam. Tell me, if you don’t mind. I’ve known you all this time and…do you like girls? Or Boys? Or do you not care either way?” She didn’t mean to make Liam uncomfortable, but she honestly didn’t know. 

“Um,” Liam said, and he dropped his head. _Oh no,_ Louis thought, she’d triggered a shyness episode. “Um, well. Boys.” 

“That’s great Liam,” she said carefully. “Don’t be nervous, it’s just the two of us. I’d always thought so, but we never really talk about things like that. Or at least, you don’t talk about things like that.” Liam moved from his chair and sat on his bed. Louis sat next to him.

“I never like talking about it, yeah. Because I haven’t really…” Liam shrugged. “I’ve got so many space issues, you’ve noticed I’m sure. And I’m shy, I have no idea how to even find lads who are interested. I can’t imagine just going to a bar.” Louis reached for Liam’s hand, and he let her squeeze it, squeezing it back.

Louis really, really had. “I hope you find someone. I won’t pry, or try to set you up, but you deserve nice things Liam.” Liam nodded, head down, and Louis patted his knee. “I think I have to go. I’m going to buy groceries for the house. Do you want to come along?” 

“Yeah, let clean up a bit. I should go, I get stuff cheaper than the rest of you. Let to your devices, you’ll be getting that brand name sugar bomb cereal. The store brand is much cheaper.” He got up, smirking at her and she snarled at him.

“Liam, the store brand tastes like rubbish, there’s a reason I don’t get it. Okay, sure, I’ll wait for you in the living room. Oh, and I have to get Stan’s part of the money.” She got up too. “See you in a bit.” She walked out of Liam’s room and went to find Stan.

..  
Louis got to the club a few minutes before eight, and leaned against the wall waiting for her. She got a text from Harry that said **Hey, running a bit late, be there in 10.** Louis shrugged and pulled a book out of her backpack, flipping through the pages for the story she liked. It was an old collection of lesbian vampire stories, and they were great in a cheesy way. She had barely started reading when a voice interrupted her.

“Hey, you can’t stay out here. We can’t have people loitering, it looks bad.” She straightened up and stared at a guy that she vaguely remembered. “Are you Lou? I know you, your band’s played here a few times.” She nodded, and remembered this guy’s name, Paul. 

“Hi Paul. I’m just waiting on a friend, we’ll be coming in and paying, promise.” 

“Come on in now. I’m sorry but it causes trouble with the police if I have people hanging around the place.” He stepped aside, and Louis closed her book, putting it back in her backpack.

“Can I pay for my friend now? She’s running a bit late.” Louis pushed some money at Paul. “Her name’s Harry, cute girl, has brown and teal hair. She’ll probably be showing up with her band.”

“They playing?” Louis shook her head. “You got a photo of her?” Louis shook her head again-she hadn’t taken any phone pics of Harry yet. Maybe tonight. “I don’t think I know her, but I’ll try to keep a lookout. Come on in, have a drink. First one’s on me, since you’re paying for two.” 

“Thank you Paul, always were a right good guy,” Louis drawled, and it was true. He helped run a decent place, and he paid the bands. So he was alright. Louis took the free drink ticket and went on in.

A few minutes later she got another text. **Hey, at the door. Thanks for paying for me. Where are you?**

Louis just waved, she could see Harry from there. She was still staring at her screen until one of her bandmates elbowed her and pointed in Louis’ direction. Harry smiled, and it was so huge and genuine that Louis could barely look at it. 

“Hey,” she said, when she came over, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, still smiling. “Did you get me a drink?”

“Nope.” Louis watched as Harry’s face fell, and then signaled the bartender. “Hey Nick, get my friend whatever she wants.” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not afraid I won’t order something massively expensive? All right then, lager then.” Louis put down the money for the lager and shrugged.

“I don’t know you that well, but I figured you wouldn’t get anything really fancy at a place like this, and not in front of your band. Don’t want to show off now, do you?” She frowned at Louis, and Louis smiled. “Don’t be upset. If you’d gotten something really extravagant I would have taken the piss, then bought it. I can always make you pay next time.” 

“Next time,” Harry said, nodding her head seriously before taking a sip. Louis watched as he throat moved, swallowing the amber liquid and Louis wanted to trace Harry’s neck with her tongue. “So, third band is supposed to be good.” 

“Hope so,” Louis says, trying not to be caught staring. She looked away, sipping her beer. She couldn’t give a fuck about any of the bands, and she loved live music. But she couldn’t focus on that with Harry around. It was disturbing, since she was a musician. Music was her first love, but Harry was distracting as hell. She gulped more of her beer, and then she saw a flurry of purple fuzzy hair out of the corner of her eye, and then there was a hand on her arm.

“Hey!” The purple-haired boy said, and Louis remembered him then, he was in Harry’s band. “I remember you, that party right? You were good.” He looked harmless enough, but Louis was glad he’d moved his hand. She didn’t like it when people came behind her like that. “Harry said she’d invite you along, glad to see you made it.” He looked like he meant it, and Louis was about to reply before one of the other blokes came over and shoved him into the bar. “Fucking cunt, stop!” He laughed, and threw his arms around the other guy, as they stumbled off.

“Charming bandmates,” Louis said, raising an eyebrow. Harry shrugged, looking embarrassed. “You’re older than them a bit, right?”

“Just a little, yeah.” Harry got another sip of her lager and Louis felt that maybe she was getting used to it, maybe she could go most of the night without staring at Harry like she wanted to eat her alive. Then Harry looked over at her, and gave her a sweet, sly smile, and Louis thought _well, no such luck_.

“Going to the loo,” Louis said, jerking her thumb in the general direction of the bathrooms, then she strode off, trying to look like she was still in control. When she opened the bathroom door she grimaced-it could have been worse, but it wasn’t very inviting either. She pissed quickly, then went to wash her hands. Harry came in then, and Louis watched her through the mirror.

Harry went into a stall, and Louis messed with her hair, tried to get the spikes up, for a few minutes. When Harry didn’t come out she said “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you sick?” Maybe she needed a ride home. Louis didn’t have a car, but she could find someone who did, if Harry needed it. 

“No.” Harry sounded fine, but embarrassed. Louis frowned-what the fuck was going on?

“What is it?” Louis came to the stall door, and knocked on it. Harry opened it, and then Louis was staring at a dirty toilet with Harry standing in front of her. “It’s gross, yeah, but I’ve seen worse.”

“I can’t sit down on that,” Harry said. “I just…can’t.” Louis nodded, she could see Harry’s point. “I need to wee, what do I do?”

“You never tried pissing standing up?” Harry turned to look at her, eyes wide. Harry’s soft curls moved as she shook her head. “Okay, shove your jeans down, and spread your legs. You need to have your legs pretty far apart the first time.” She moved Harry’s legs apart with her own, and unbuttoned Harry’s (new) jeans, shoving them and her panties down. “Okay, now take your fingers and pull your labia apart. Like this.” She reached down and demonstrated, and Harry let out a soft sound before replacing Louis’ fingers with her own. Louis stayed where she was. “Okay, now.” 

Harry seemed to tense up, and Louis figured she might be making Harry pee-shy, but then she let out a firm stream, right into the toilet, only dribbling a bit at the end. Louis kissed her neck, and let go. “Good girl. I’m going to get a paper towel.” She left Harry there, and when she got back Harry was still staring at her.

“Nothing,” Harry said. “I pissed on my fingers a bit.” She took the wet paper towel and wiped off.

“I know. You okay now?” Harry nodded, pulling her clothes back up. “I’m surprised you didn’t know that, didn’t you ever go camping with your family?” 

“No, my family mostly just went to my stepdad’s place. He’s got a nice bungalow in the country, with a pool.” Louis nodded, trying to keep her face neutral, but Harry blushed. “You think I’m spoilt, I know.” 

That was true, but Louis didn’t want to say it to her. “You’re just sheltered. You’re getting out in the world more now.” Harry nodded as she washed her hands. “Okay, now that that’s taken care of, let’s go dance,” Louis said as the first band started. 

The night passed quickly-most of the bands only played about thirty to forty-five minutes, and Louis and Harry spent most of it dancing. Harry tended to dance alone along the side of the stage, while Louis got into the pit and shoved people around. It was a good pit, violent but not too, and nobody tried to shove their hand down her shirt. She would have hated to get thrown out for busting someone’s nose. But all the guys kept their hands to themselves, maybe they knew better now.

During the third band-Harry was right, they were really good-Louis came over to Harry and danced with her. The beat was heavy and fast, and Harry danced like a little girl at her first recital, awkwardly flitting around. Louis danced close, a hand on Harry’s waist or hip at all times. Louis knew she was grinning like an idiot, and she hoped nobody noticed.

At the end, Louis got both of them bottles of water, and Harry drank all of hers slowly, face tipped up. She was sweaty and breathing hard, and Louis knew she was staring but she couldn’t help it. After a minute, Harry looked back at her. “Luke says they’re going for Indian if you want to.” Harry sounded shy, like maybe she wanted Louis to say yes, to hang out with them as a group.

That wasn’t what Louis wanted, though. “I’m not really hungry. Can’t we…you said we were going to your place. Or is that not something you want to do?” She’d been with Harry all night, they’d danced and sweated, and now she just wanted her alone. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to want that, but she did.

“Okay,” Harry said, but she was hesitant. “I’ll text the guys, it’s easier than telling them face to face.” She sent a quick text, then looked over at Louis. “We can take my scooter, it’s not far.” 

“Ugh, kill me instead,” Louis sneered, but Harry just blinked big eyes at her and before she knew it, she was on the back of the scooter, with her own helmet even. They headed out, Harry waving at Paul before they took off. 

It didn’t seem like it was long before they got to Harry’s flat. Harry was right, it was quiet, with good, thick walls and no flatmates to make any racket. “Very nice,” Louis said, looking around Harry’s space. It was smallish but clean, the walls white and not yellow stained. She looked over at Harry, who was leaning against the door. “Not very homey, though.” 

“It’s all right,” Harry said, voice soft. “I just stay here to sleep mostly.” She looked down at Louis, and Louis moved closer until she was pressing her body against Harry’s. Harry opened her mouth when Louis licked the seam of her lips, and Louis cupped the side of her face. Her other hand cupped Harry’s breast. 

“Fuck, Harry. Where’s your bra?” Harry smirked against her mouth and Louis bit her lower lip in retaliation. 

“You didn’t notice I didn’t have on a bra? No, you were looking at my neck most of the night.” Louis gave Harry’s nipple a vicious twist, making her cry out.

“Smug little bitch. I’ll show you.” She deepened the kiss, and Harry kissed her back, arching her back as Louis played with her nipple. Harry kept making needy little noises into Louis’ mouth, and Louis didn’t know how she could stand it, how she could keep up. 

“Go back to my room?” Harry mumbled, and Louis pulled back, walking a couple of steps backwards and wiping her mouth. She needed the break, before she lost herself in Harry. That was going to happen anyway, but for the moment she just let Harry lead the way. 

Harry’s room had more personality than the rest of the flat. The bed was large and had purple sheets on it, there was a brand-new guitar in the corner, and a lot of books and magazines. Harry pulls her shirt off immediately, and yeah, how did Louis miss her breasts? They were soft and small without a bra, and Louis cupped both of them, holding them up against her chest before letting go. 

Harry gave her a crooked smile, and took off the rest of her clothes without looking at her. Louis stared. “You’re so tall. And pale. It’s like miles of beautiful white skin.” Harry stopped and ducked her head, looking flustered.

“I’m not that tall. I’d be Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.” Louis grinned and took off her boots. 

“Fifty foot queenie.” Louis tossed her boots into the corner with a soft thud. She hesitated before taking off her jeans, nervous in the light. Harry turned away, giving her privacy, and Louis was glad for it. When she was in her pants, she flopped back on Harrys’ bed. “Come here?”

Harry turned back around, and smiled at Louis in a way that made her feel nervous. She climbed onto the bed, curling around Louis, head on her shoulder. “Okay, I’m here now. What do you want to do with me?” 

Louis answered her by leaning over for a kiss. Harry made a noise very much like a purr, and Louis moved them so Harry was on her back, her over her. She cupped one of Harry’s tits as she kissed her, and Harry moved against her. “Patience, darling,” Louis said when Harry tried to grind against her. “We’ve just started.”

“W-want it to go faster,” Harry said, her voice deliciously low and gravely. “I just…I want so much Lou.” Louis pulled back so she could see Harry’s face, and the pained pout was beautiful.

“How much do you want? Seriously, what are the limits? Tell me what’s good for me to do.” She had a hand on Harry’s arm, but otherwise wasn’t touching her. Harry looked up at her, and seemed to be thinking about it. 

“I don’t like pain, exactly? Like, heavy pain. But if you pinch my nipples and smack my butt every now and then, that’s fine. Mostly I like normal things, I like getting eaten out, fingering, and I like a little ass play.” Louis nodded. Harry faltered then, looking down, then looked back up at Louis. “Maybe you should just look at my toy box.”

Louis raised an eyebrow but Harry didn’t say anything else. Louis moved off her and looked around the room. After a minute she saw a large box, painted purple and silver, and went to it, opening the top. “My god.”

“Um, yeah,” Harry said back. “I um, wound up getting a lot of stuff.” 

“No kidding. It’s like Pandora’s Box.” Louis held up a wand vibrator and rubbed her thumb over the head. “Now I know what kind of things to buy you for Christmas.” She rummaged in deeper and brought out a small butt plug. “So when you said a little bit of arse play, you meant about this size?” 

Harry was blushing bright red, but she nodded. “I just…I figured out my sexuality online. I didn’t always have another person to learn with, so…” Louis shrugged: she really didn’t care. 

“You’re fine. I don’t have any because I live in a house full of stupid boys. And you know…I’m not as open about it as you.” Louis found a stash of condoms, dental dams, and gloves near the bottom, which was probably not the best place for it. “Safe sex stuff, we should’ve been using these from the beginning. I’m clean, is there anything I need to know?”

“Not really. I had chlamydia once, but I got it treated and it’s gone.” Harry looked nervous telling her that, and Louis shrugged again. “You don’t care?”

“We’re fucking, we have to be honest with each other about these things.” Harry made an annoyed face at ‘fucking’ but she didn’t argue. “I’m not angry, you took care of it.” She looked through the toy box further. “I take it your parents don’t check the credit card bills too carefully.” 

“I made good grades in school, never got picked up by the cops, I could do pretty much what I wanted.” Harry rolled over on her side, facing Louis, the shaved side of her hair on the pillow. One stray curl was in her eyes, and she lifted up a big hand to smooth it back. “Care to pick out one or two of those and get back here?” 

Louis picked out the butt plug and a wand vibrator, plus lube and gloves. “Want to be on your back or your front?” Louis asked, and Harry rolled on her back, legs bent. “Good girl,” Louis said, and she moved down between her legs, putting on a glove and squeezing on some lube. Harry made a soft gasping noise when she licked at Harry’s clit, one slick finger circling her arsehole. 

 

Louis pressed one finger inside Harry’s ass, still licking her. Harry seemed to melt into it, relaxing instead of tensing up. “You do like it, then,” she muttered before sucking over Harry’s clit, and she got a moan in response. When she slide another finger beside the first, Harry put a hand on her head, tangling her fingers in Louis’ hair. 

After a few minutes, Harry tugged on Louis’ hair, gently. “Can you? With the toy, I mean,” she said, and Louis pulled off, sliding her fingers out and pulling off the glove. The plug was silicon and the color and pattern of tiger’s eye. Even Harry’s sex toys were beautiful. Louis lubed it up and slid the toy in, watching as Harry arched up. 

“That’s right,” Louis whispered as Harry clenched around the toy, and she rubbed her clit. After a couple of minutes, she stopped to get another glove on, Harry watching her with wide eyes as she lubed up her gloved hand. 

“Are you going to fist me?” And _holy fuck_ , Louis nearly fell off the bed. She didn’t even know that was a possibility. She tried to cover her reaction by shaking her head.

“I was thinking four fingers at the most. That okay?” Harry nodded, and Louis looked at her bitten bottom lip, the flush on her chest, and said “All right then.” She started with one but added the second soon after, pushing them up. “There, darling. You take it so well.” 

Harry laughed, a little hysterical. “Thanks. It’s good.” Harry whined loudly when Louis moved back to suck her clit, fingers still moving fast. They kept that up for a while, Louis eventually working up to four fingers, Harrys’ cunt tight around her. “Lou, fuck.”

“Close, darling?” Harry didn’t answer, just threw her head back, eyes closed, and she looked incredible. Louis felt a helpless affection for her, how beautiful she was. Instead of saying anything, she grabbed the vibrator. “Fuck, forgot to plug this in. Can you reach?”

Harry’s eyes flew open and she grabbed the cord of the vibrator and plugged it in to the wall outlet near her lamp. “Come on, fuck,” she said, spreading apart further. “Come on, I’m ready.” 

“You’re always ready.” Louis tried to get a bit of lube on the head of the vibrator with one hand, and Harry just glared at her fumbling. “Okay, fine, here it is.” She put the soft vibrator head snug against Harry’s clit and turned it on.

Harry arched up, moaning, and Louis watched her. The cord of the vibrator was draped over her body, going from her nipple down to her stomach, the black cord a contrast to her pale skin. Her legs were spread wide and she had the plug and Louis’ fingers inside her. “Gonna come soon, Lou,” she said, and Louis just nodded and angled her fingers up. 

Louis could see it building in the way Harry curled her hands into fists, she could hear it in the increasingly desperate moans Harry made. When Harry came in jerks, her muscles twitching involuntarily, Louis watched and wished she could come too.

When Harry came down, Louis slipped her hand out of Harry’s cunt, taking off the glove. She met Harry’s eye when she touched the base of the plug. “Ready for me to get this out?” When Harry nodded, Louis carefully pulled it out. She put the vibrator onto the side of the bed. “Good?” She asked, and Harry nodded, looking sleepy. “I’m coming up there now.”

“Yeah,” Harry mumbled, and Louis snuggled into her, nuzzling her neck. Harry wrapped her arm around her and sighed. “So that was good.”

“Very good,” Louis replied. She was aching in her pants now, wanting to come, but she would have to wait. “You make a right pretty picture.”

“Means a lot to you, does it? Watching?” Louis nodded, because there was no reason to deny it. It was part of who she was. “So that’s how it works, you’ll come later thinking about how I looked?”

“Exactly. I’m glad you don’t seem to mind.” Louis kissed the thin soft skin of her neck. She was warm there, and smelled good, like powder and sweat. “You’re fun to play with.”

“That’s what it is then? Playing?” Louis stilled, because _oh god_ , she was not ready to talk about this. “I mean, are we dating, or just fucking around or…?”

“We have been going on dates, yes.” Louis brushed her fingers over the shaved side of Harry’s hair. It was teal, and it felt so soft. “I mean, we invite each other places, one of us pays. Those are dates.” She wished they could get this over with, but Harry liked for things to be out in the open, she supposed.

“So, is it exclusive? I just don’t want to do anything that would hurt you. I’m not planning on seeing anyone else, but if you are…” Louis shook her head. Like Harry couldn’t get anyone she wanted, Louis was lucky she was even giving her the time of day. “You’re not?” 

“No But you can do what you like. I don’t own you.” It wasn’t what she wanted, she wished she never even saw Harry. Why was she doing this? “But I do want to see you. Can we just go with that for now?”

“So primary, if it works out?” Louis nodded, wanting this to be over. “Okay.” 

“Okay,” Louis echoed, glad that they had stopped talking about it. She snuggled back down, head on Harry’s shoulder. “Can I stay?” She really didn’t want to leave, even though she should probably cut her losses and run now. It didn’t look like she was going to.

“We’re dating now, of course you can stay,” Harry said, scratching the back of Louis’ head. Louis closed her eyes, trying to just enjoy the touch and not think about all the ways this could go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this one. I know not everyone uses gloves for anal/vaginal contact, but I always did.


	5. We Don't Care What the Crowd Says

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis is fine with her and Harry, long as they don't have to talk about it.

Louis woke up in Harry’s bed, blinking, and sat up. Harry was facing her, mouth turned down in sleep, and she looked beautiful. Her eyeliner was smudged, and Louis licked her thumb and rubbed some of it away. After a minute, she decided to get up. 

Harry’s bathroom was small and well-kept, and Louis pissed, then got up, flushing the toilet. She thought about Harry, how she was laid out so pretty after they’d fucked, and Louis’ clit ached. She rubbed over her clit with two fingers, thinking about how Harry looked when she had her fingers deep inside her, and Louis came within seconds, closing her eyes. She thought about trying for another one when she heard the bedroom door close. She went to the sink and started washing her hands.

When Louis closed the bathroom door, she heard noise from the kitchen. “Hey,” she said, but there was no answer. When Louis walked into the kitchen, she found Harry dumping flour into a bowl. “What are you doing?” 

Harry turned around, surprised. She was wearing an oversized shirt and a pair of leopard print panties. “I was hungry,” she said. “I woke up when you left for the bathroom, and I was too hungry to go back to sleep. So I’m making pancakes for us both.” 

“What if I don’t like pancakes?” Harry turned around and pouted at Louis, and she just shrugged. Harry kept stirring the batter, and after a minute she started heating up a pan. “You gonna put chocolate chips in them?”

“Thought you said you didn’t like pancakes,” Harry said, but she reached into a cupboard and grabbed a bag of chips, dumping some of them in. “Usually I prefer to slice some apples thin and let them sauté in butter before adding the batter. Then I can pretend it’s healthy.”

“Chips are nice though,” Louis said, moving so she was right behind Harry, hands on her hips. “I’m going to watch. I’m crap at cooking anything.” Harry turned her head and smiled softly. Louis kissed her ear. “Don’t get distracted, want to watch you cook.”

“You just enjoy watching me do things,” Harry said as she poured some batter into a perfect circle in the pan. Louis watched as she poured three more identical pancakes, and then flipped them a few minutes later when they were full of holes. “This is pretty easy. You just need to have the heat the right level.”

“Suppose so,” Louis said softly. It reminded her of her mum, when she was trying to mend fences or soothe Louis after a bad experience. She didn’t really wanted to be reminded of her mum while she was with a girl, but there you go. 

Harry moved the done pancakes to a cookie sheet in the oven, and did a few more. Then they were all done and Louis stepped back while Harry got them plates and forks. “Can I help?” she said, although it would probably be best if she didn’t touch the pancakes. The last time she tried cooking she nearly set the house on fire.

Harry turned to her. “Get some potholders and take the pancakes out of the oven. There’s enough room on the stove for them.” Louis did as told, wondering if she should be insulted at the direction not to forget the potholders. But Harry beamed at her when the pancakes were retrieved, so Louis decided it wasn’t so bad.

Harry piled the pancakes on both plates, and they sat at the kitchen table and ate them in silence. Harry also had a huge bottle of maple syrup, and Louis ate all of hers in minutes. “Fuck I’m full. I’m gonna go back to sleep soon.”

“Yeah, kind of the idea,” Harry said, smiling over at Louis. She looked sleepy and cute and Louis wanted her back in bed. She still had half a plate of pancakes left, and was poking at them. “Maybe I’ll save these and have them tomorrow. I’m working tomorrow, even though it’s not early.”

“Still counts,” Louis said. She pushed her plate away and leaned back in her chair. “You’re proper domestic, aren’t you? You can cook, you take care of your space. Gonna be a good wife someday?” 

“I don’t know,” Harry said. “I don’t really think about that. I wouldn’t mind settling down, but marriage is weird.” Louis nodded at this information. Cute bisexual girl, probably didn’t want to settle down. All the girls she liked didn’t like commitment. Typical.

“I just don’t see why, you know, marriage is such a big deal. I mean, now it’s legal for gay couples too, but you’re still…why register your relationship with the state? It doesn’t seem to make people stay together any longer.” She took another bite of pancake, and Louis’ fork strayed over to get a bit. “Hey. You said you were full.”

“They’re so good, though.” Louis was quiet for a minute. “You might be right,” she said. “I mean, I’m looking at stepfather Number Two.’ Harry nodded, face serious. “I mean, he seems perfectly all right, but…” She shrugged. “Mum’s always one to try, try again.” Again, here she was thinking about her mum while having a midnight dinner with the girl she was fucking. But Harry just nodded. 

 

“I know. My stepfather’s all right, but I still don’t think of him as real sometimes, you know? And I don’t even know my father. He left and never came back. I was too young to have much of an opinion on him. My sister does though. She still can get so angry.” Harry had another bite, and Louis watched as she swallowed. “It sort of put me off the whole idea of marrying.”

“A good reason,” Louis said, and she went to the sink for a drink of water. She thought about that, about Harry with a father she probably couldn’t recognize if she saw him, and she wished she could say the same about Troy. She didn’t say anything though, and just got her plate and put it in the sink. “Ready to go back to bed?”

“Yeah. Let me put this up.” Harry put her plate in the fridge, letting out a yawn that made her eyes scrunch up. “Gonna brush my teeth,” she said as she went down the hall. Louis ran water over her plate and didn’t say anything. She just got back into Harry’s bed, listening to the water run down the sink. When she got back, Harry curled into her arms like she belonged there. 

Louis closed her eyes and let her be close. It was a while before she fell asleep. 

Louis woke up the next morning to Harry nosing at her neck, kissing over her pulse. “Hmmrph,” she said, and Harry giggled. “What. Stop. I need tea.” 

“You need tea first? We can’t have some fun?” Harry was nearly purring, and she could hear the smile in her voice. “I want to come before I go start the tea.” And then Harry moved so her body was over Louis’, and rolled her hips.

“Spoiled brat,” Louis said. “You just think you can hump me any time you feel like it.” She didn’t shove Harry off though, letting her find the perfect spot on Louis’ thigh that she could move against. Louis brushed some of Harry’s hair out of her face, and then reached between them to cup a breast, rubbing her thumb over the nipple.

“Don’t seem to really mind,” Harry said, voice going deeper. Her eyes were closed, and she was biting her lip, forehead wrinkled in concentration. Louis could feel the puffs of breath she was taking as she rubbed off against her thigh. “Lou,” she said, and there was enough of pleading in her tone to make Louis lean up and kiss Harry.

Harry’s mouth was sour tasting, but she opened to the kiss, and Louis didn’t want to stop. Harry moved faster, grinding on Louis’ thigh as Louis touched her tongue to Harry’s. Louis had her arm flung over Harry’s back, holding her in place as she moved. 

“Lou,” Harry said again, sounding wrecked. “Louis, I, oh god, please…” And then Louis could feel Harry shudder against her. Louis kissed her through it, petting down her side. “Oh.” 

“Yeah,” Louis said, dropping her head back down to the pillow and moving her hand. “Glad that was good for you,” she said, and Harry blushed as she moved off Louis. 

“I would do it back, if you liked that. But I don’t think you want me to.” Louis shook her head, because yeah, she wouldn’t. “It’s weird though, that I might not ever see you come, even if we wind up together for a while.”

“It’s how I am. I can’t do much about it.” Louis hoped Harry didn’t want to push the subject, because she didn’t feel like arguing so soon after Harry came. She sat up, scratching her head. “I think I need a shower. Do you need me to go?”

“I have a few hours before I have to go to work, so there’s no rush.” Harry got up, standing next to the bed and staring at her. Louis frowned-why was she looking at her like that? Harry must have seen it in her face, because she dropped her eyes and turned away. “Um. I’m going to take a shower. Do you want to join me?” 

Louis looked down at herself, still in a tank and briefs. “Um, no. I think I’ll wait. I’ll go start the tea if you don’t mind me doing that.” Louis got up, and started for the door. Harry caught her in a hug before she got too far. Louis let Harry pull her in, and put her hands on Harry’s hips. “Go ahead and start the water. I’ll get the kettle going.”

“Sweet,” Harry said, and Louis shook her head. She was _not_ being sweet, she was just being practical. They needed tea, at least she did. She walked stiff-legged to the kitchen while Harry went into the bathroom. 

When Harry got out of the shower, Louis was on her first cup of tea. “How do you like yours?” she asked, and Harry just got the cup and fixed it herself. “Sorry. Just thought I’d fix you one.”

“No, that’s okay. I just don’t expect it. You put the tea on, that’s enough.” Harry sipped her tea, and Louis took another sip of hers. They stood in the kitchen in silence for a few minutes, and then Louis finished her cup and put it in the sink. “Going to the shower,” she said as Harry opened the fridge door. Harry nodded as she got her pancakes out of the fridge.

Louis showered quick, bringing herself off once. When she was done, she dried off, scowling at the floral smell of Harry’s shampoo. She thought about bringing some over, then stopped. She didn’t want to seem eager to come back. 

When Louis was dressed, she went back to the kitchen. Harry was putting the dishes in the washer. “Hey. I’m gonna go.” 

Harry turned around. “You don’t want a ride back to your house? I have time, I can take you.” Louis shook her head, she could get home fine by herself. Harry frowned a little. “Well, all right. Text me later today, okay?”

“Sure,” Louis said, and she put on her jacket as Harry moved closer. The kiss was brief but nice, and Louis waved as she walked out the door. It was raining and cold outside, but she just put her head down and kept going. The bus stop was only a block away. 

…

When Louis got home, she texted Harry just to let her know she was okay, and then went to her room. It was quiet except for Dizzy in his upstairs room, practicing his guitar. He never played out, but he enjoyed playing in his room. Louis couldn’t blame him, it could be fun playing with no audience. She sat in her chair, and got her lyric book out. She stared at the page for a few long minutes, then started writing.

She lost track of time, so it was startling when someone knocked on the door. “What?” The door opened, and it was Niall. “Hey Niall, when did you come over?” She put her notebook on the floor and gestured for him to come in. “You want to practice?” They never did practice enough.

“Maybe. But I was just coming over to tell you there’s a party tomorrow night if you got the time off.” Niall smiled at her, and Louis had to smile back. Niall was almost like an annoying younger brother, and that was refreshing. 

“I have work, but I get off around nine. I can probably make it. Where is it?” Niall sat on the floor with his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Now he really looked like a younger brother.

“It’s where that new band stays, 5 Seconds of Something. You know, that dodgy as fuck band your girlfriend is in.”

“She’s not really my girlfriend, and yes that band is dodgy as fuck.” Louis wished she had a beer. “Harry’s the only good part of it. I told her that.” 

Niall nodded his agreement. “Well, they’re staying in a place not far from here, and they’re promising music and a lot of liquor, so I say we go.”  
“Well sure,” Louis said. “I’m not saying we don’t take advantage of their generosity, I’ll drink their booze if it’s free. “ Niall nods his agreement. “And we might have fun, anyway.”

“Pretty sure you will at any rate.” Niall laughed and ducked the slap Louis tried to give him, and then said “I want a beer, it’s after twelve, so why not? You want one?” 

“Oh, twist my arm.” Louis left with Niall to go and get a couple of beers, and that ended any constructive conversation.  
…

When Louis entered the house that the party was being held in, the smell of cigarette smoke and stale vomit hit her first. It had obviously been going on for a while, and while she knew that the parties at her house weren’t any better, it still seemed rather unwelcoming to her. She put her jacket on the coat rack (they actually had one), and stood near the door, looking around.

“Hey!” She looked and there was the bloke she saw at the show, one of Harry’s bandmates. “Hey. I’m Michael. You’re Louis, right? You want a beer?” Louis nodded, and raised an eyebrow when he clapped her on the shoulder. He didn’t notice, and instead stumbled over to the kitchen. She followed at a distance and he came back with two beers and a huge grin. “Glad you could make it, I think the rest of your band is here.”

“Liam too?” She said, surprised. Michael nodded.

“I think so. The bloke with brown eyes and big shoulders? Yeah. He’s in the kitchen with Niall. He’s your co-songwriter, right?” Louis wasn’t sure where he got this information, but she nodded. “He’s a nice guy, shy though. I think he spoke ten words to Calum.”

“Then he’s feeling chatty tonight,” Louis said, deadpan, and Michael laughed, giving her another unwanted touch to the arm, and then he saw someone he knew and left Louis alone. Louis took the top off her beer with a lighter and then took a long drink. She heard a familiar voice in the kitchen, and walked toward it.

Harry was there, talking to Liam, who was smiling and nodded at whatever it was that she said. Louis felt a bit of unexpected happiness at seeing her best friend and the girl she was sleeping with making friends. She moved over to Harry’s side and put an arm around her waist. “You didn’t tell me about the party,” she said, low where just Harry could hear it.

“Wasn’t sure I would make it,” Harry said just as softly. “You know, don’t always want to be out.” She looked at Louis, a little guilty. Louis shrugged, and rubbed over her hip. 

“It’s okay. Didn’t take you for the introvert type though.” She took a sip of her beer and watched as Liam started talking to Niall. 

“’M not really, but I get tired like everyone else. Tesco didn’t call for an interview, but a bakery did. So I’m going to have morning shifts now. Still working at the diner couple times a week too.” 

“Working girl,” she said, a little sarcastic, but secretly Louis loved hearing that. Harry wasn’t lazy, at all, she liked work and doing her best. Those were good traits for someone to have.

“Yeah, maybe you won’t call me a spoilt brat now.” Harry turned that pout in Louis’ direction and Louis felt her stomach flip. Damned pretty girls, she had no defense against them. Harry tipped her face a bit closer and Louis rolled her eyes.

“No promises,” she said before kissing Harry gently in the middle of the kitchen. She had forgotten about the others crowded around the table until she heard the whoops and whistles. She pulled back from Harry and glared. 

“That’s hot mate,” one of Harry’s bandmates said, grinning. 

“Yeah!” That was the dark-haired one, Calum she thought. He high-fived someone else, and Louis looked over at Harry, who was flushing pink.

“Wow. At least we don’t have to ask which one is the man,” Michael said, and Louis flipped him the finger, scowling as Michael laughed at his own joke.

“Shut up, Michael,” Harry said, and she looked angry. Good, Louis thought. She should be. Louis stepped in front of her, eyes on Michael, and he held his hands up in surrender. 

“Hey, it’s all right. Just a little joke is all.” Louis stared at him, glaring until he started to turn a bit pale, and then she took a step back. Harry stood next to her, putting her hand in Louis’. Louis didn’t look over, but squeezed her hand. 

“Sorry, didn’t realize you two were serious,” Calum said, his eyebrows raised. He looked at Harry. “Lou’s your girlfriend then?” Louis looked over at Harry, who shrugged. Louis tried not to feel hurt by that. 

“We’re dating. It’s only been a few weeks.” Louis nodded, since it was the truth. She could live with that. “And I don’t whistle like that when you’re kissing your girlfriend. Don’t do that.” Louis nodded again, seconding this, it made her proud. Harry had some backbone, and not just when she was punching a groper. 

“But that’s different,” Calum protested, looking around the room for support. Louis watched as her band seemed to withdraw from him, Niall literally turning his back on him. “I mean…: 

“It’s not different,” Harry said, and Louis squeezed her hand again. “It’s not something for you to whistle about. It’s not for you.” There was silence in the kitchen for a few long seconds. 

“Well,” said the drummer for Harry’s band. “That got serious all of a sudden.” Nervous laughter broke out, and Harry turned and left the room, Louis following her, still holding hands.  
… 

“You were proper intimidating,” Louis said, pressing Harry up against the wall as they kissed. “Telling off your own band like that. That’ll teach them.” She ran a hand down Harry’s side, then gripped her hip. “I like a femme with a mouth on her.” 

“Thank you,” Harry said, and Louis kissed her neck. “I had to, he deserved it.” Louis moved her hand to Harry’s ass, and she moaned, moving against her. “Gonna make me get off here in the hallway?” Louis pulled off her neck and smiled. 

“Do you have a room here, like when you’re too drunk to leave, or something?” Harry shook her head. 

“Usually just crash on the couch if I need to. Nobody bothers me.” Louis didn’t like the sound of that, being on the couch instead of behind a locked door seemed dodgy to her. Harry kissed her then. “Don’t look so worried. It’s fine, really.” 

“I just think you should have your own space. It’s not like with the boys.” Harry pouted at her and Louis kissed her again. “You should be safe. And right now, I just want to take you somewhere so we can screw.” 

“So romantic,” Harry said dryly, and Louis laughed. “Really though, we can go back to my place. I haven’t had that much to drink, and it’s not that far by scooter.” Louis looked up at her, and yeah, Harry seemed alright. 

“Okay. But if you change your mind we can take the Underground.” Louis kissed Harry again, and moved back. Harry took her hand and they walked back down the hall toward the kitchen. “Hey, look,” Louis said, nudging Harry’s arm. 

In the middle of the kitchen, Liam was standing next to Zayn, and they were talking, Zayn making a big expansive gesture with his hand and Liam smiling enough to make his eyes crinkle up. She didn’t even see Zayn come in, and she was pretty sure that Liam didn’t know him. She took a step further in and Liam saw her. “Hey. Are you heading out?” 

“Yeah, going back to Harry’s.” She gestured toward Harry with her chin. “Hey Zayn, nice to see you.” 

Zayn didn’t respond at first, but then he tore his eyes away from Liam and said “Oh hey, nice to see you. You’re leaving already?” 

“Just going back to mine,” Harry said, and Zayn’s eyes took her in before he nodded. He didn’t exactly look her up and down, but he did notice Harry. That was fine, Zayn could look if he wasn’t an asshole about it. No need to get upset. She still tightened her grip on Harry’s hand. 

“Okay,” Zayn said. “I’ll see you soon Lou. Hey, I might have a piece done soon if you want to buy it. I’ll give you a mates discount.” Louis nodded because sure, Zayn’s stuff was usually good. “I’ll bring it by soon.” Then he turned back to Liam and all his attention was back on him. Louis and Harry left then. 

“That was weird,” Louis said as they walked to Harry’s scooter. “Did you see the way Zayn was looking at Liam? He’s never looked at a guy like that, that I’ve ever seen. He likes girls, he gets a lot of them. I have thought maybe he’d go for dick, but I’ve never seen it.” 

“Maybe Liam’s like his exception or something,” Harry replied, handing Louis her helmet. 

“And Liam’s so shy, if he’s ever been interested, I couldn’t tell. Wow. Okay, let’s go to yours.” She made a note to ask Liam about it tomorrow, then she got on the back of Harry’s scooter and they were gone. 

… 

“You know,” Harry said later, when Louis had three fingers inside her. “I like it when you’re at my place.” 

“Really now,” Louis said, twisting them and making Harry moan and arch up. “You just like it when I’m fucking you.” 

“True,” Harry said, biting her lip. “But I like you in other ways too.” Louis frowned, then moving her fingers faster, trying to hit her g-spot and put an end to this conversation. Sure enough Harry cried out, and that distracted her for a while. 

When they were done, Harry sweaty and leaning her head on Louis’ shoulder, she went back to it. “I mean it. You treat me good.” Louis played with her stubble, and Harry smiled. “I haven’t dated anyone in a while. Have you?” 

Louis closed her eyes against the memory. “No.” She didn’t say anything else, she didn’t think she could. It had been a while, but the pain came through white-hot like it was yesterday. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” 

“Why?” Louis stopped touching Harry’s shaved head and tried to turn over. “No, no, wait. Don’t move away, I’m sorry. I’ll drop it.” Harry held on to her arm, and Louis stopped moving. “I didn’t mean to bring up anything, sorry.” 

“I thought we agreed not to label it,” Louis said. “I don’t want to talk about who I used to date or anything like that.” 

“I wasn’t labeling it. And I didn’t ask you who you dated, I asked if it had been a while. It’s not the same thing. I won’t push you on that.” Louis opened her eyes and Harry was staring at her with concern and a little fear. “I’m really sorry.” 

“Let’s turn the lights out, go to sleep,” Louis said instead of answering her. Harry got up and turned off the light, then came back and curled around Louis. Louis threw an arm around Harry and closed her eyes. She was tired, it had been a long day. 

“Lou,” Harry said into her neck, and Louis opened her eyes. “Just…you like me though? You do like me? Because I like you.” 

“I like you,” Lou said, whispering it. “I like you. Now goodnight Haz. I’m tired. Let’s sleep.” Harry made an answering sound and Louis listened as her breath evened out. Louis rubbed her back as she drifted into sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I went ahead and made 5 Seconds of Summer Harry's evil band. They do kinda deserve it, but now I am obligated to give a shit about them, at least as long as I'm writing this. 
> 
> Thanks for reading this.


	6. I Can Be Gentle (Long As No One Is Looking)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry keeping being kind and understanding. Louis doesn't know how to process it.

Louis woke up to Harry’s alarm, and grunted. “Shhh, it’s all right, go back to sleep,” Harry said, her voice low and groggy sounding. The alarm stopped blaring, and Louis turned over as Harry got out of bed. She fell asleep when she heard the shower start.

Louis woke up again when Harry shook her shoulder. “Hey. I have to go, starting at the bakery this morning. I’m leaving my spare key on the night table, okay?” 

“Okay,” Louis muttered, and she felt Harry kiss the top of her head, and laughed softly. That got her an answering giggle, and then Louis heard the door open and close. She pulled the covers up over her head. 

Louis woke up later, sitting up in Harry’s bed. It was big and soft, and after sleeping on hard mattresses for years it hurt her back a bit. She ran a hand through her hair, then looked at the time on her phone. It was about ten am, early for her. She wondered what time Harry got up. Since she was working at a bakery, it was probably very early.

After a few minutes, Louis got up, stretching. She did a few push-ups and other exercises , stuff that Liam tried to get her to do constantly. Louis did them now to try to push away the weird feeling of being alone in Harry’s flat. When she finished the last of the sit-ups, she went to shower.

When Louis was showered and dressed, the uncomfortable feeling returned. Harry’s space had so much of her in it, and now that Louis was alone with it she felt like an outsider. Besides the guitar and the sex toy box, Harry’s bedroom held a brand new computer and surprisingly, a bookshelf stuffed with books. Her fingers traced over the titles-there was some bell hooks, poetry by Patti Smith, Tom Wolfe, Charles Bukowski –ugh- she hated him. It wasn’t a bad collection, really. She just expected that Harry would have switched to an e-reader, but she didn’t see one around. 

Louis picked up a copy of Please Kill Me that was old and yellowed, and took it with her to the kitchen. She wondered where Harry had gotten in-at a secondhand store, or from a relative. Then she set it down while she got her tea ready. 

Louis flipped through the book while she drank her tea, but she’d read most it before. She flipped to the back, and found a pen. She wrote the poem quickly, just a little something for Harry to find or not find someday, and then she put the book back on the shelf. 

“Why’d I do that,” she muttered out loud, then she shook her head. It was time to go, she’d been here alone long enough. She kind of wanted to stay and go through Harry’s vinyl, but the quiet was making her uncomfortable. No flatmates, no friends -how could Harry stand it? Louis put her tea cup in the sink, got the key, and let herself out. 

On the bus, Louis had her headphones on and was reading a tattered sci-fi paperback she’d gotten for free at the launderette. The Butchies were playing and at first she didn’t hear anything. Then she felt the old woman sitting next to her stiffen, and looked over. The woman was looking at a man three seats away on the other side, and he was staring at her. Louis took out an earbud in time to hear the man yell “Dyke!” at her. 

Louis glared at the man-he was older, red-faced, and drunk. She kept her face and body still, not reacting. No one on the train said anything, and Louis wondered if he would attack her, and what her chances would be. The woman next to her put a hand on Louis’ arm, but Louis didn’t turn around, keeping her eyes on the man.

“Why do you want to look like a man? Why? You won’t fuck men and then you dress like them, it’s a waste.” Louis kept very still and thought _You would never have a chance with me even if I was straight_ , but she didn’t dare say it. The old lady squeezed her arm tighter, and Louis could feel how frightened she was. 

“Disgusting fags, they’re everywhere now,” the man said, his words slurred together, just as the bus driver said “That’s it, no more of that. I’ll put you out if you don’t stop.” Louis didn’t move, but the lady’s grip on her arm loosened. 

The drunk man glared at the bus driver, but didn’t say anything else. Louis made herself look away, even though she was still shaking inside. At the next stop, the man staggered off the bus, muttering something at the driver. 

“Glad to see him go, then,” a man’s voice said from behind Louis, and she just looked forward, even as the older lady patted her arm and offered to buy her a tea if they got off at the same stop. She focused ahead, trying to shake off the nerves and the sudden, horrible feeling of being exposed. She got off at her normal stop, nodding at the lady who was still trying to get her to talk, and then walked quickly towards home, stopping at the liquor store on the way.

…

Harry didn’t call that night, but she did text Louis to get in touch. Louis didn’t, she had drunk too much whiskey alone in her room that day. Luckily it was a night off, but Louis couldn’t handle seeing much of anyone. So she just listened to music and drank. It was for the best, nobody needed to be around her when she was like this anyway.

 _Should’ve just punched him_ , she though. _I couldn’t knocked his teeth out, he was too drunk to really fight back_. Louis poured more whiskey into her plastic cup full of Coke. She had a 1970’s women in prison movie on TV with the sound off. She turned her head slowly when she heard a knock on the door. 

“Come in Liam,” she said, since there was nothing he hadn’t seen before concerning her. Louis drunk and miserable wasn’t unknown to him. When the door opened and it wasn’t Liam standing there, Louis was too drunk to really react. “Harry.”

“I dropped by, thought we might watch a movie. Liam told me you’d been in here all day drinking.” Louis just stared at her, not in any position to deny it. “He said you wouldn’t talk about it. Are you okay? Did something happen?”

Louis tried to shrug but she wasn’t sure if it worked, because Harry looked more alarmed. “I’m coming in, okay?” she said, and Louis nodded as Harry found her lamp and flicked it on, getting on the mattress with her. Louis flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and Harry laid down next to her, turned facing Louis. 

“’M okay,” Louis slurred. She didn’t really feel okay, her head was hurting and she was very drunk on an empty stomach. She closed her eyes and she felt Harry kiss her forehead, like she was a child. “Stop.” 

“Don’t kiss you? Why not?” Harry sounded a little hurt, and Louis opened her eyes. Harry’s face was hovering over hers, and Louis sighed.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” she said, and Harry nodded. Harry moved so her face was in Louis’ neck, and Louis closed her eyes against the pounding in her head. “How was your day?” Louis whispered. 

“It was good. I was given the tour at the bakery and the boss showed me the recipes. I spent most of my day following the head baker and putting out free samples.” Louis nodded. “Then I came home and showered, then went to the diner for four hours. It wasn’t a very long shift.”

“It’s long when you add the first one to it.” Louis said, blinking. She tried to raise her head, but wound up flopping it back down on the pillow. She was almost too drunk to move. “Harry darling,” she said. “Could you get me some water?”

“Sure,” Harry said, and she got up quickly and headed for the door while Louis tried to move into a sitting position. When Harry got back Louis had propped herself up on an elbow, and Harry moved so she was holding the glass as Louis sipped some of the water. “Is that better?”

“I think so,” Louis said. She didn’t want any more whiskey, and she had some water, so maybe she wouldn’t die. She was still haunted by the story of one guy on the scene who went on a weekend drinking binge, forgot to drink water, and died of dehydration. It seemed so lonely and pointless to her, to die that way, and she never wanted it to happen to her. “Thank you.”

“It’s alright,” Harry said, and she kissed Louis, this time on the cheek. Louis didn’t mind that one, and Harry kissed her again on the corner of the mouth. Louis had another sip of water and then kissed Harry herself, sweet and gentle. 

Harry opened to the kiss, and they traded soft kisses for a few minutes. Harry was leaning over her and her hair got in Louis’ face. Louis didn’t push it out of the way because she was a bit too drunk to, but also because she didn’t care. It was Harry, after all. After a minute, Harry moved her hair. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Louis said, kissing her again. Harry smelled like clean skin, she must have taken another shower after the diner. Louis felt better, although still drunk and useless mostly. When they stopped kissing, Harry put her head on Louis’s shoulder, and Louis sighed. 

“Big drunk bastard called me a dyke on the bus,” Louis said after a few minutes had passed. “I was really scared.” That was the whiskey then: Louis never liked to admit that anything frightened her. Harry made a whimpering noise and nuzzled her. “I never know what to do, I wanted to punch him.”

“What happened? Did he threaten you?” Louis shook her head, and then wished she hadn’t, it made her vision a bit wobbly.

“Bus driver told him to leave. He left. He didn’t threaten me.” Louis let out a long sigh. “And the old lady next to me was holding my arm and trying to get me to go with her for a tea.” She laughed a little at that part, it was funny. 

“You probably should have, instead of coming here and drinking all day,” Harry said. “But I don’t blame you. It sounds really scary.” 

“You don’t know what it’s like, getting called a dyke because of how I look. You pass for straight.” Louis had no idea why she said that, and Harry pulled away from her. “Wait, sorry, no-“

“No I don’t have people calling me a dyke on the street, I just have men cat-calling me from their cars, or offering me money for sex, or telling me to smile if I’m not looking like a pretty Barbie doll from them. Don’t you dare try to say that I don’t know what it’s like.” Louis reached out for Harry, but she was on the edge of the mattress, glaring at her.

“I’m sorry Haz, I didn’t mean that.”

“Don’t take it out on me. I don’t care what you think, you don’t get to do that.” Harry glared through her and Louis looked away.

“I won’t, I’m sorry.” 

“You better be.” Harry moved back over so she had an arm around Louis’ front. “I’m really sorry that happened, Lou. Next time, maybe you can text me or call me, and I’ll try to come over if I can.” 

“Probably just should have talked to Liam, he’s my best mate,” Louis said. “No offense to you of course, but he is.” Harry kissed her neck and Louis closed her eyes at the warm feeling she got from it.

“I’m glad he’s your friend. He was worried about you. He told me he wanted to talk to you, but he was afraid to for some reason.”

“He could have, he can always come in. Unless I’m having sex with someone. But other than that.” Louis moved her head slowly and looked over at Harry. “We met after we left both left home.” She never really talked about Liam to anyone else. It was hard to describe their friendship. “So we stuck together.” She stopped talking, tired out.

“That’s how you became friends?” Louis nodded, because that was basically it. Their friendship had been born out of fear and need, but it was real all the same. “Liam’s so shy though. He barely speaks to anyone.”

“He was like that at first with me as well, but I wouldn’t let him get away. We both needed a friend, and he’s a good one. He’s fair and honest and a lot of stuff I’m not.” That got her a giggle from Harry, and Louis smiled. “He’s family, really.”

“You both were homeless?” Louis nodded. “Why did you leave? And where from?” Harry’s voice was a comforting buzz against her neck.

Louis was silent for a minute, not sure how far she wanted to get into this. “I’m from Doncaster,” she said. “Liam is from the Midlands. I left because…I just couldn’t stay at home anymore. And I wasn’t angry at anyone. I just felt like I had to go. I have no idea why Liam left, he never talks about it, except to say he was bullied.” 

“Isn’t that weird? That you’re so close to him but he doesn’t want to talk about that kind of thing?” Harry kissed her cheek again, and Louis smiled softly at the sweetness of it.

“Liam doesn’t talk about a lot of things. He’s just nervous around people. I don’t take it personally-there’s a lot I don’t want to talk about as well.”

“So I’m learning,” Harry said and Louis didn’t say anything. It was true enough. Harry gave her another peck on the cheek. “I’m not angry at anyone at home either,” she said. “Mum asked me if I was, if that was why I left university to join a band, if it was her fault somehow. But it’s not, it’s not about her.”

“When it isn’t, they never believe you,” Louis said and Harry laughed big and loud, making her smile even as her head throbbed. “Ugh. I wish I hadn’t had so much to drink. Now I’m lying here useless and I can’t even do anything with you.” 

Harry giggled at that, nuzzling at Louis’ neck again. “I admit I came over here hoping you’d be in the mood,” she said. Louis nodded, not surprised. “I could sit on your face, maybe. If you feel like it, that is.”

Louis was about to agree but then her stomach made a queasy turn over. “Maybe not. I don’t want to throw up on your pussy. That would be kind of rude.”

“You’re going to throw up? Do you need help to the bathroom?” Harry sat up and took Louis’ arm, and Louis tried to get up with her help. She staggered, and Harry caught her, her arms stronger than they looked. “It’s all right, let me help.”

“Oh, all right,” Louis said, but Harry had already steered her to the door and then out of it into the bathroom. Louis wound up sitting on the edge of the tub, as Harry went back to get her water. “I don’t know if I’m gonna throw up or…” Just then Louis got a wave of nausea, and she dropped on her knees in front of the toilet. “Oh God.”

“Shhh Lou, it’s all right,” Harry said, her soft hand suddenly against the back of Louis’ neck, and Louis gagged. She closed her eyes, feeling her stomach roil, and then Harry’s hand was gone. 

Louis took deep breaths as she tried to get control of herself, and then she felt a cool flannel on the back of her neck. “Thank you,” she said, still trying to breathe. “Fuck Harry, you see me puke too often.”

“It happens,” she said, voice soothing. “It’s all right Lou. Are you okay, think you can get up?” Louis managed to get to her feet, Harry only putting a soothing hand on her back. Louis got the glass of water and took another drink. “Want to go back to bed?”

“I guess. Are you staying?” Harry didn’t say anything, and Louis felt maybe she was putting too much pressure on her. “It’s okay if you don’t. You probably have to be up early tomorrow.” 

“Yeah I do,” Harry said. “But it’s not that far from your place to the bakery. As long as I get up on time.” They were back in Louis’ room now, and Louis got back in bed, lying on her side. “Will you remember anything tomorrow?” 

“I usually do,” Louis said. “I’m mostly just miserable-I don’t get like some people and laugh and take off their clothes.” She was silent for a minute. “You’re always so kind to me,” she said, surprising herself. “I don’t really understand why.” Harry even seemed to have entirely forgiven her for earlier, which was odd.

“I thought we agreed we liked each other,” Harry answered, rubbing over Louis’ shoulders. Louis frowned, thinking about that. It was true, she had said that, mostly to shut that talk down. “You know, it’s not such a bad thing, someone who likes you and wants to be around you. You could get used to it.”

“Maybe.” Louis’ head wasn’t hurting as much, but she was tired. “I need to sleep. Stay over if you want.” Louis closed her eyes, and Harry moved away. After a minute she was back, one hand on Louis’ arm. Louis closed her eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning, Louis woke to Harry’s phone and a persistent thudding headache. She tried to go back to sleep, since it was probably stupidly early. But she felt the mattress dip and then Harry was up and shuffling around her room. Louis flung a hand out to look for the water glass, and knocked it over. “Shit!”

“You okay? Here, I’ll get you some more.” Harry got her clothes on and smiled at Louis on her way out. She was back in a few minutes with another glass and a towel. “Sorry. I know you don’t feel very well. I’ll text you tonight, I need to go soon.” She cleaned up the water and then gave Louis a dry peck on the lips. Then she was out the door.

“Bye.” Louis said as Harry left. Harry waved distractedly and kept going out the door. Louis fell back asleep. When she woke up again, it was a lot later in the day and her head still hurt. She pushed herself up and got dressed. She needed a cup of tea.

When she walked into the kitchen, Dizzy gave her a nod and started the kettle while Louis got another glass of water. Louis felt gross, sweaty and disgusting. She needed a shower. Just as the kettle started to boil Louis turned and Liam was in the kitchen, staring at her.

“Hey Liam,” she said, but he still glared. “What’s wrong?” Liam shook his head, and walked out of the kitchen. “Wait, no. Liam…” Louis followed Liam back to his room. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all, just holed yourself up with a bottle and scared me to death. You wouldn’t come out, I was afraid to go in after you. And you didn’t think to talk to me, not once.” Liam glared at her, and Louis dropped her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice quiet. Liam didn’t say anything. “I don’t blame you for being mad. I didn’t want to talk about it.” She looked up and Liam was sitting on his workout bench, not looking at her. “Come on, don’t be mad at me.”

“Wasn’t mad. I was bloody scared. I mean…what if I can’t stop you? What if one day something happens and you’ll be dead? Or in jail? What will I do then?” Liam made a frustrated noise and wiped at his eyes, and that did it. Louis crossed the room fast and flung her arms around Liam. Liam squawked and tried to get loose, so Louis pulled back a bit. 

“I’m sorry Liam. I know what you mean, I’m the same about you. I fuss if I don’t see you for a while.” The idea of losing Liam, of never seeing him again, felt like a ball of ice in her stomach. She couldn’t even consider it. “And you could have come in. You can always come in.” Liam wasn’t looking at her, and Louis sighed. “I’m sorry. I love you Liam. You know I do.” Liam looked up at her, eyes red. “You come in next time.”

“Or maybe instead of buying a bottle to drink alone, you come see me.” Liam tried to smile then, and Louis flopped on the floor in front of Liam’s bench, and he rubbed her shoulders. “Whatever happened, are you better now? Did Harry help?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, not having a hard time admitting that. “She did. She’s sweet.” Louis was still hungover-that slipped out way too easily. But she let it stand. “She can be a nice girl when she wants.”

“I think she must want to be nice for you then.” Louis grumbled at that, but Liam just put his thumbs on the edges of her shoulderblades and Louis didn’t argue. “Can I ask you about her?”

“Dunno, can I ask you about Zayn?” That made Liam freeze in his tracks, and again Louis realized she’d gone a little too far. “Sorry.” It took another minute, but Louis felt Liam rub his hands over her back, getting some tension out. 

“Nothing to tell there,” Liam said quietly. “I only knew what you told me about him, that he was talented and handsome and that he really liked girls.” Louis nodded. “So meeting him was…he is those things. And other things too. And what have you been telling him about me? He was so excited to meet me.” 

“Didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Louis said defiantly. Liam thought so little of himself. “Just how creative you are, how good your songs are. You know, that stuff.” Liam’s hands slowed again, and Louis turned to find Liam smiling softly, looking down.

“Oh. Thanks.” Louis got up and stretched, feeling the last of the headache slip away. Liam didn’t say anything, and they stayed quiet until there was a knock at the door. “What?” Liam got up to answer, and Louis followed him. She knew they’d paid the rest, so it couldn’t be the landlord. 

“Hello?” Liam said to a bored-looking delivery person, who handed them a white box. 

“Does Louis live here?” Louis raised her hand, and the delivery boy looked mildly skeptical, but didn’t press it. “Okay. New baker wanted me to drop these off for Louis. They’re paid for. Good day, I have go get back now.” The delivery boy got back on his scooter and Louis was left holding a white baker box that smelled delicious. 

She carried it back to the kitchen, Mutt magically appearing as she opened the lid. There were a bunch of little pastries in there, some decorated and dainty, others bigger. Louis picked up a note in the corner. **Some of my practice work** , it said. **Try the bacon rolls, they might help the hangover. Harry.** Louis looked for a bacon roll but Mutt got the first one. “Hey, that’s for me!”

“You had to read the note first, it’s your fault,” Mutt said, but he showed her where another one was. Dizzy came over and found a spinach and cheese roll, and Liam got a jam tart. He always had a spot for sweets. 

Louis took her bacon roll and found her tea, now a bit too cool. She finished both of them in the living room, away from the others. It was a very nice roll-just enough bacon, a little cheese. The dough was good, and it was satisfying. When she was finished, she went back in to find most of the rest of the pastries gone. “Greedy bastards.”

“Saved you one of these,” Liam said, and Louis snatched it. It was a small half-moon filled with cream cheese and almonds. Louis finished it in two bites. Liam nodded. “Knew you’d like it. She’s good, yeah?” Louis nodded, not looking at him.

“Yeah, she is.” Harry was kind, sweet, strong, and she was good at things. She never should have started this. “I’m going to text her. I have to thank her now.” 

“You should take her out if you’ve got the money, do it right,” Mutt said, Dizzy nodding next to him. Louis turned away, wanting to go back to her room. She didn’t want to think of that now, how she needed to impress Harry back, but Liam touched her arm, giving her a smile. 

“Don’t worry. Just text her for now,” Liam said, and Louis nodded quickly, going down the hall. Once the door was shut to her room she sent Harry a text. **Thank you. Stupid boys ate most of it, but I got a bacon roll & an almond thing.** She sent it, not expecting a text back for a while. 

Instead, her screen lit up almost immediately. **Good. Glad you got those two, I wanted you to have them. Already gone, they were full up today. Want to hang out?**

 **Got work in a couple hour** , Louis typed back. **But tell me your next day off. Want to do something w/you**. Louis still had no idea what, but she was going to try. 

**Off in 2 days** , Harry texted back. **Let me know, looking forward to it. Gonna get tea now, bye.**

**Bye**. Louis looked at her phone for a minute, then shut it off. Somewhere nice, she was going to have to take Harry somewhere nice. What would she like? Louis wasn’t sure, but she had two days to figure it out. She got her guitar and strummed, letting it clear her mind. Forty-five minutes later, she had an idea. Then she got up to go to the shower.


	7. And Dance the Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wants to take Harry on a date that impresses.

Two days later, Louis was waiting outside the house for Harry. She was wearing the red shirt and a newish pair of jeans she’d gotten from the thrift shop, plus her old leather jacket. She fidgeted while she waited, wishing she had a drink.. But being drunk for a proper date would be bad form, she guessed. After what seemed like forever, a pink scooter pulled in front of the house. Louis stood up and walked over as Harry took off her helmet, shaking out her ringlets.

“Hey,” Louis said. Harry looked good, she had put on some sparkly eyeshadow and the side of her head was freshly shaved. Her jacket was nice too, fake leather probably, but it looked good. “How was your day?” 

“Good. Met up with my friend Delia and we fixed my hair and did our nails.” Louis must have looked suspicious, because Harry poked her. My _straight_ friend Delia, and don’t look like that. You’d have been bored to death if we had a little primping party.” 

“Yes I would,” Louis said, glad she was skirting over the jealousy issue. Louis had no reason to be jealous, Harry wasn’t hers. They both knew that. “Okay, first I’m taking you to dinner. Do you know where Makario’s is?”

“Don’t they mostly have shwarma?” Harry looked a bit doubtful.

“There’s vegetarian stuff on the menu, I checked.” Louis didn’t want to make that mistake again. “Think you can find it? We can take the train if you like. It’s a bit of a cock-up, you driving on the date I planned.”

“I don’t mind. Yeah, think I know where it is.” Louis got on the back of Harry’s scooter, putting her arms around Harry’s waist while she got her helmet on. “Put your helmet on, come on Lou,” Harry said, and Louis did, grumbling a bit. Then they were off, Louis leaning into Harry as she sped them across town.

The restaurant was small and half-full, but it was warm, both the heat and the kind way the waitress took their orders. Harry wound up with a pile of sautéed vegetables surrounded by hummus, and Louis got some lamb and hummus. They both had almond pilaf and lots of mint tea. “Not bad?”

“Not bad. I might go so far as to say that it’s good.” Louis rolled her eyes and Harry tossed a bit of rice at her. Louis stuck out her tongue and Harry laughed. “This is really nice, I’ll have to come back sometime. Is this everything you had planned?” Louis shook her head and Harry smiled. “Oooh. Where next, another show?”

“Nope. Something else.” Harry pouted, but Louis just winked at her. She could wait until after dinner was finished, then Louis would tell her. 

They talked sporadically during their meal, Harry talking about work and Louis about the books she was reading and lyrics she was working on. The conversation was easy, and after a while Louis reached across the table and tangled her fingers with Harry’s. Nobody looked over at them, from what Louis could see, and Harry smiled, ducking her head. 

Louis ate most of hers, and Harry seemed to give up after eating half her plate. “All right then, ready to move on?” Harry nodded, and Louis let go of her hand to signal for the check. After she paid for dinner, she told Harry “Drive us to Daisy Chain? There’s a special event there, I think you’ll like it.” 

“Daisy Chain? I didn’t think you’d like those kind of clubs, all that dance music.” Louis nodded, since it was true enough, she normally hated that shit. But this wasn’t about her. “But you said they had something special?” 

“Yes. Pretty sure it’s up your alley. Now let’s go.” Louis got up and waved at their waitress, who smiled at them as they left. It was starting to rain softly as Harry started her scooter, and Louis hoped they didn’t wipe out. She’d never live it down if she got in an accident involving a pink scooter.

When they arrived at Daisy Chain, it took a while to find a place to park, then they had to stand in line in the drizzle, Louis holding Harry to her back to front to warm her up. Finally they got to the head of the line and the bouncer looked both of them over before holding his hand out for their money. Louis paid, glaring at him, and he checked Harry’s ID and then stepped aside to let them in. Louis turned to glare at his broad back a bit more as they went in.

 

“Shh, don’t do that. Don’t give him a reason to change his mind,” Harry said as they checked their jackets. Harry had on a purple hoodie with a white t-shirt under her jacket, and she looked amazing. She took Louis’ hand and they walked in. The club was pulsing with loud dance music, and the floor was full of girls, mostly pretty femme girls with lots of hair and well-done makeup. Femmes in big cities really did know how to turn it out. Harry nudged her, and she stopped staring. “What?”

“I know this isn’t why you wanted to bring me here,” Harry said, and Louis smiled, nodding. “Well, show me then.” Louis pointed to the stairs leading downwards, and they went into the basement, paying another fee just to get to that part. The thudding beat quieted down as they went down a dark hallway that opened up into a small room. Louis watched as Harry’s expression went from confused to curious.  
There were tiny lights over small paintings of red and black on white backgrounds. There were beautiful scenes of nature and flowers, but the red and black lines made them look a bit sinister. The room was dark except for the small lights, and Louis held Harry’s hand as she looked at each painting. They were silent as they looked over the art, and Louis wrapped her arms around Harry’s waist again. Harry leaned into her, and Louis hooked her chin over Harry’s shoulder. 

They were down there alone for about twenty minutes, before another two women came in, all drunken shrieks and laughter. They stepped aside, letting the other two look, and then they were gone back upstairs for more dancing and drinking. Harry turned around and Louis pulled her in close. 

“Glad they’re gone,” Harry said, and Louis leaned up to kiss her, one hand in her hair. She smelled like rain and mint tea, and Louis put her face in Harry’s neck when the kiss ended. Harry giggled. “Sweet Louis.”

“’M not,” Louis said, against Harry’s skin, and Harry giggled again. 

“Not really helping your case, nuzzling me like that. You have been sweet, all night. You haven’t even called me a brat once.” Louis lifted her face out of Harry’s neck and looked at her. She looked fond and sweet, not mocking, so Louis decided to let it stand. “Really, why did you go to so much trouble to take me out?”

“Because,” Louis said, but Harry just raised an eyebrow, not taking that as an answer. “Because of the treats you sent us. I had to do something nice back.” 

“You really liked them then?” Louis nodded, and Harry beamed and kissed her again. “Thank you. I’m glad they made you happy. It means a lot to me.” 

“They were delicious. We all had some, everyone that was home anyway. Did you make them all?” 

“Most of them. The head baker was showing me how, those were my first attempts. He said it was okay to give them away. I think one or two of his were in the box as well.” 

“I couldn’t tell the difference. They were all perfect.” Harry glowed from the praise, and Louis kissed her again. Then she heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs, and they both pulled back a bit. “Want to go dance?”

“Do you? You don’t like that kind of thing.” Louis shrugged. Yes, most of the music was annoying, but sweaty dance floors could be nice things sometimes.

“We paid for it, we might as well.” Harry seemed to agree with that logic, because she took Louis’ hand and they went upstairs as the small crowd of women came down to look at the art. Louis squeezed Harry’s hand gently and she saw her smile in the dim light as they went back to the main floor.

They found a space near the middle of the floor, so crowded that they were pressed against each other, and Louis grabbed Harry’s hips and grinded against her to the hip-hop blaring overhead. It was good, sexy, and Harry threw her arms around Louis’ shoulders. They danced like that until they were soaked in sweat and trading kisses. Louis broke one kiss to see a woman standing close and taking their picture. Louis snarled, trying to block the woman’s shot with a hand. She didn’t want her to have a picture of Harry. 

“Hey,” Harry shouted in her ear, and she pulled Louis’ hand down. “Sorry,” Harry said to the other woman, who looked confused. Harry took Louis’ arm and led her off the dance floor. “Don’t be mean, we’re having a good night.” 

“She shouldn’t do that, taking our picture without asking,” Louis said, and Harry just rolled her eyes. “I think that’s enough, we should probably go-wait.” She went over to the bar, and came back with a whiskey lollipop. Harry smirked and opened her mouth, and Louis stuck the sticky boozy candy between her lips. Harry’s lips closed over it and she sucked, eyes half-closed. After a minute, she let go of it, mouth in an ‘o’, and then kissed Louis, tasting like sugar and alcohol. Louis sucked the lollipop next, and they passed it back and forth before it dissolved. Louis kissed Harry again, then threw the lollipop stick in the trash as they headed back to get their coats. 

The rain was coming down harder now, and Louis shivered from the switch from the overheated club to the chill outside. She zipped up her coat and they headed to Harry’s scooter. “Your place, then?” She said to Harry.

“Okay. It’s a longer way though. Are you sure?” 

“I like yours. There’s no roommates.” Harry grinned, and soon they were headed off. She was right, it was a longer ride from Daisy Chain, but Louis held Harry tight and tried to ignore the cold. When they finally arrived in front of Harry’s building, Louis was shivering.

“Come in, it’s freezing,” Harry said when she finally got the door to her flat open. Louis stood in her foyer, taking off her jacket. Her shirt and bra were pretty dry, but her jeans and pants were soaked. She looked over at Harry, who was already peeling her clothes off. She stopped and looked at Louis. “You need to as well, you’re going to catch a chill.”

Louis went over to Harry’s couch and took off her boots, then stripped to her bra and pants. She looked over at Harry, and she shook her head. “Your pants are wet, you can’t come to bed in that. You’ll have to take them off Lou.”

“I don’t want to be naked,” Louis said, feeling anxious just thinking about it. She supposed she could be naked in front of Harry, but she just didn’t want to. 

“Want to wear one of mine, then?” She hadn’t considered that, but she nodded and Harry walked back to her room, bra in hand, her wet jeans left crumbled in the foyer. Louis followed her, and Harry handed her a pair of white panties and a tank. “I figured you’d want a top as well.”

“You figured right,” Louis said, trying not to let on how kind she thought Harry was being. She just went into the bathroom and dressed. The clothes fit, more or less, and she was glad they were plain, and not sparkly or leopard print like so much that Harry had in the way of underthings. There was only so much her dignity could take.

When she came back, Harry was in bed. She got in with her and Harry’s skin was still damp and cold, but Louis snuggled in, warming them both up. Harry nuzzled at her neck and Louis hummed, happy with the touch. 

They made out for long minutes, under the covers, Louis playing with Harry’s nipples. Harry moaned and moved against her, pleased. Then Harry pulled back. “Lou, I want to try something.”

“Sure, what do you want? You want me to go through the toy chest?” Harry grinned, cheeks pink, and she shook her head. Louis rubbed her thumb over the shaved part of her head, just to feel it.

“Not yet. I want to-you said you liked having your tits touched, sometimes.” Louis raised her eyebrows but kept quiet. “Is that something we could do now? We’ve been dating a few weeks, and I’d like to.” 

Louis looked down at the tank Harry just lent her. “I…yes. I think so, anyway. Through this, or bare?” She was nervous, thinking about it, but it had been a good night and Harry was looking expectant. She pushed the tank up, revealing the lower part of her breasts, and Harry reached out and rubbed a finger over one. 

“Bare, if you can. How do you want me to do it? I figure you probably have some rules.” Harry was smiling, mocking her a bit, and Louis rolled her eyes.

“Yes I do in fact. I don’t like having my nipples played with. So just touch the tits part. Be gentle.” Louis wriggled until Harry moved enough that she could take the tank off. She bit her lip as Harry looked at her breasts, then she closed her eyes as Harry brushed her fingers over the soft curve on the side.

Louis let her touch, figuring it would just be a few fumbled gropes and then Harry would be begging her to get nipple clips or something else for Louis to use on her. But instead Harry moved slowly, touching Louis’ small tits with careful brushes of her hands, moving from the top to the swell at the bottom, one time cupping Louis’ breasts with her hands. Louis kept breathing steadily as Harry stroked over the soft skin. 

It was strange, Louis thought, as Harry shifted, moving so her hips were right against Louis’. She didn’t expect for Harry to take it so seriously. She opened her eyes and Harry met her gaze, eyes dark. She was turned on by touching her, and that Louis could understand. She wasn’t sure how she felt, but Harry was having a good time, and in turn that aroused Louis as well.

“Lou? Can I kiss them? I won’t touch the nipple, promise.” Louis licked her lips, and took a deep breath, moving a bit so she could better handle Harry’s weight on top of her.

“Okay. Just, you know, be gentle.” The last part came out as a whisper, and Harry smiled at her before ducking her head. Louis felt a soft kiss more on her chest, above her actual tit, and then another one as Harry kept touching, her thumb brushing over one boob as she kissed the other. Louis sighed and relaxed further, one hand on Harry’s back.

After a few minutes, Harry lifted her head again. “Lou? Do you like it? You’re not doing anything,” 

“I…it’s nice.” Louis wasn’t sure how she felt about it. She wasn’t freaking out. It was calming, really. Harry moved her hand, cupping the side of one breast, and Louis breathed out. “It’s fine, I like it.” 

“But you don’t…it’s not really turning you on?” Louis didn’t say anything at first, because she wasn’t sure. It was nice, and it made her feel...something. Warm, probably. “Do you want me to stop?” 

“No. I don’t know.” Harry moved off her anyway, and Louis sat up. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to someone doing stuff to me. I’m always the one doing the work.” Harry looked down and Louis touched her arm. “Hey. You didn’t do anything wrong. I told you it was all right. And it was.” 

“I guess I thought you’d react differently. I was going to see if I could rub off on you while I did it.” And Louis, well, she didn’t have a problem with that idea. It would be a nice fantasy if nothing else. “But I couldn’t tell if you liked it, you were so quiet.” 

“Nobody’s ever done it that much before, I wasn’t expecting it,” Louis said, and Harry moved closer, snuggling into her space. “But it was good. Maybe I can be topless more when we play, so you can touch them.” 

“That would be brilliant,” Harry said, kissing her neck. “But if you have to wear a shirt, that’s okay too. I just thought I’d ask.” 

“Most of the girls I’ve been with, they never even asked to,” Louis said, and Harry looked up at her, brow furrowed. “They weren’t the kind of girls who liked to touch back. You’re different.” Louis was surprised by it, a bit. Harry’s curious expression melted into a smile and she pecked Louis on the corner of the mouth.

“I like you. I want you to enjoy it too, even if you don’t want me touching your cunt.” 

“I always enjoy it, don’t think I’m not just because I’m doing most of it. I like watching you lose it, I like how you respond.” Louis ran a hand down Harry’s side, and Harry sighed, kissing her harder this time. “That’s it darling, lie on your back and I’ll make you feel good. What would you like?” 

“Eat me out, Louis?” Harry flopped on her back and Louis kissed her sweetly before moving down her body. Harry moaned when she licked over her clit, and Louis got comfortable between her legs, happy to be touching her. She tried to draw it out, but it seemed like she had barely gotten started before Harry was moaning and pulling at her hair. 

Louis pulled off and smiled at her. “Don’t want me to try for another one? I could make you come again.” She knows she could, Harry had done it before and it had been fantastic. Harry just smiled at her, sweet and tired. 

“No, wait until tomorrow. I was ready, got so hot playing with you.” Louis shrugged and moved up the bed to lie next to Harry as she turned off the light. “Thanks Lou. That was a great date.” 

“Glad you enjoyed it,” Louis said, and Harry giggled in response as she snuggled next to her. Harry was asleep after a few minutes. When Louis was sure she was out, she moved away from her and felt around for the tank top. Harry kept sleeping as she put it back on and then cuddled up again. Then she fell asleep.

**

Louis took the bus home again the next morning, glad that the drunk from before wasn’t on, and got home early. Most of her housemates were still asleep excepting Liam. She could hear him tapping on keys in his bedroom and knew he was working. He worked from home, something tech-related, and he never really talked about it. 

Louis fixed herself a cheese toastie and some tea, then went to the living room to watch TV. After a while, she got a text from Harry. 

**Thanks for last night. I’ll try to do something to top it later.**

Louis smiled, forehead wrinkling a bit. **No need. Just wanted us to have a good time. When can I see you next?**

**I have a little time off Saturday. During the day, though. I’ll plan something if you want.**

**Okay. Call me and let me know. See you.** Harry said yes and signed off, and Louis did too. She curled in front of the telly and zoned out in front of talk shows until Niall burst through the door.

Hey mate, what’s going on? You look a bit down.” 

 

Louis blinked at him-she didn’t know what he was talking about. “I’m not. I’m just tired. Want a cheese toastie?” 

“Just looked a little sad, is all. Sorry. I just never see you in front of the TV watching silly daytime trash. It’s weird, I’m saying.” Niall came over and sat next to her, and Louis got nervous. Not so much that he thought she was depressed or something, but that he’d turned down an offer of free food. “Everything going okay with Harry?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, surprised. “We went out last night, she texted me just now. I think she’s trying to plan something for us.” Louis fell back into silence. She just didn’t have much to say about it. It was private, that was the thing. 

“Then why do you look like you’re about to hide in your room for a hundred years? Do you not like her anymore?” Louis looked at Niall, and he just gazed back at her, calm and serious. Seeing Niall serious was kind of disturbing. 

“No, we’re getting along great. Everything’s going well. You should’ve been here for the sweets she brought us.” Not that she was trying to distract Niall with the mention of food. Okay, maybe she was.

“Yeah, sorry I missed that. But if everything’s going okay, why are you moping in the living room?” Niall looked at her, and his eyebrows raised a little. “Do you love her? Is that it?” 

“I think you’ve visited long enough, mate” Louis said, standing up. “Why don’t you come back later and bother us. I have to get ready for work soon.” 

“Wait, wait!” Niall held his hands out, but he was trying not to smile. Bastard. “You can’t throw me out, you’ve got five other people living here. You have to take a vote. Don’t toss me ‘cause I said something you didn’t like. Or didn’t want to think about, probably.” Niall looked at her steadily, and Louis sighed.

“Okay, fine. You can stay. But mind your own bloody business. Do you want to see what songs we’re working on, or should I let you raid the fucking fridge first?” Louis stomped into the kitchen and opened the door. “We don’t have much, but you can make some eggs if you like.”

“I can do with some eggs.” Niall took the carton out and smirked at it. “Organic free-range? I didn’t think Dizzy even ate eggs, why’d he pick them this time.”

“He didn’t, Liam did.” Louis said, relaxing a bit. “He got them for free from his sister. He went to have lunch with her or something, and she bought them for him.” 

“How’d that go?” Niall asked, and Louis shrugged. Liam had no stories about it, but he looked stressed, worried, and that made her worry. Niall nodded and cracked the eggs into a skillet. “Do you want some?” 

“I just ate,” Louis said. She really wasn’t hungry, even though Niall could cook pretty well. She sat down and watched as Niall got some bread into the toaster. 

“How much did you spend on that fancy date last night?” Niall didn’t look over, just kept his attention on the stove. “Liam mentioned you were planning something big. You still got the rent money?” 

“I got it, yeah. What do you care? You don’t live here, even if you think you do.” Louis looked at her nails-they were dirty. She’ll have to clean them today, maybe clip them too. “Me and Harry have a good time together. That’s it. She likes being around me, and I can say the same for her.” 

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all.” Niall got a plate and flipped his fried eggs onto it. “Harry seems like a right nice girl, but I don’t want you to get attached if she doesn’t feel the same way about you, you know. You’re my friend, I gotta worry about you.”

“Is this about her being bi?” Louis sat up straight, offended on her behalf. “Because it’s not like that, I don’t think she’s seeing anyone else. And if she were, she’ll tell me.” She was sure of that, Harry was that kind of girl. “You know, don’t insult her like that.”

Niall turned around from where he was buttering the toast, and after a minute, he just shook his head.   
“Yeah, you don’t love her at all. Louis…” 

“Going back to my room. Have a good supper Niall.” Louis shoved through her bedroom door and slammed it behind her. It was dark and quiet in there, and she needed that. Love. Niall thought that she loved Harry, what a laugh. She didn’t. Harry was silly and superficial, she was sincere and she loved art and she only ever wanted to do her best. _Fuck._

Louis curled up on her mattress, knees near her chest, eyes squeezed shut. At least Harry would never be stupid enough to love her back. She could handle it, hiding what she might possibly feel from Harry. She would never have to know. 

Because Louis didn’t think she was strong enough to stop seeing her.


	8. Isn't It Easy (Not One Bit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis gets scared and runs away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I sat on this so long. Also, me and magdalyna RP'd the part with Zayn and Liam in this chapter. Yep, I can't get anything done without them, they're the best.

When Saturday rolled around, Louis considered calling in sick on their date, but Harry sent her a cryptic text telling her to be outside at noon and to dress casual, so there she was. She took a drag off a cigarette she bummed off Zayn earlier, and waited. Eventually, Harry and her scooter showed up. Louis looked up and flicked off the ash at the same time Harry pulled off her helmet. 

She was beautiful. Louis wanted to kill herself.

“Hey,” Harry drawled. “Get on the back, we’re going to a park.” 

“A park?” Louis cocked an eyebrow. “You’re going to make me walk around outside in the sunshine? Do you hate me or something?” Harry looked slightly confused before smiling back at her, and Louis dropped the cigarette and ground it under her boot heel. “Is that it, you’re taking me hiking?”

“No Lou. Just taking you on a nice picnic is all. I’ve got a basket ready to go if you are. It’s all stuff I made too.” Harry smiled, and it was a little crooked, and that was even more endearing that it should have been. “Get on, it’s not far.”

“All right.” Louis didn’t smile and Harry looked a bit unsure. But Louis got on, taking the extra helmet from Harry and getting comfortable. “Fine, let’s go.” She wrapped her arms around Harry’s waist and she drove them to the park.

Louis didn’t want to admit it, but it was a nice park. She’d probably walked right past it a bunch of times and never noticed it, but it was nice enough. She shielded her eyes from the sun. “It’s too bright out. I should get myself a new pair of sunglasses, if it’s going to be like this outside.”

“I might be able to let you borrow one, if I have something you like.” Harry was carrying a giant picnic basket, and she had frowned when Louis tried to carry it for her. “I have some that are plain black, you might like them.” 

“Maybe.” She could do plain black, even if it meant borrowing something of Harry’s. She walked behind Harry as they went past a group of young boys playing football, and some then some mothers and their small children. “Harry, come on, how far away is this picnic spot, can’t we just-“

“No. Keep walking.” Louis shut up and walked, making a list in her head of all the things she hated about Harry. Her hair was stupid. She sang in a crap band. She had silly tattoos. She was getting quite a list together when Harry said “Okay, here” and Louis looked up to find them in a spot that was beautiful and almost completely empty. “Do you like it?” 

“Well, we’re just going to sit here and eat your delicious food, so I’d be happy at any place, but nicely done.” It didn’t even look like they were still in London, it was so deserted. “What’s wrong with this place, that there’s nobody here?”

“We just came at a good time, we need to be out before the uni cunts start coming by.” Harry opened up the basket and took out a blanket, sitting it on the grass. Then she handed Louis a beer. “You like this one, right?” Louis took it and nodded, getting out her lighter to take the cap off. 

Harry started pulling food out of the basket, and Louis watched as she pulled out one container of yummy looking stuff after another. “Good lord Haz, what all did you bring? There’s only two of us.” Harry ignored her and kept pulling things out, finally stopping and getting herself a ginger soda. “No beer?”

“I’m driving,” she said, and she grinned at Louis before taking a sip. Louis did her best not to watch her throat as she swallowed, and failed.“Okay, now pick something out. I brought a lot so I knew I’d have at least a few things you liked.” 

Louis picked up one small container, and opened it to find some marinated olives. “Not really my thing, but I’ll try one.” She nibbled it, and it was okay, for an olive. “Now let’s see what else you have.” She opened another round container, and there was a salad. “Is that fennel?”

 

“With oranges, yes. A nice simple salad.” Louis pulled a face and set it aside. She made a similar face at two other containers, and Harry frowned. “You’re just going to hate my food today, Lou?” 

“It’s just so many vegetables. There has to be something-oh, I’ll eat this.” It was a salad Nicoise, with tuna and hard-boiled egg. Much better, even though it had olives as well. “You did fix something with meat in it, good job.” It looked really nice as well-Harry had paid attention to presentation, which was funny considering Louis would probably have it finished in minutes. “Do you eat fish?”

“Usually I don’t, but mum hasn’t gotten the message. She fixes me a nice filet every time I come home.” Harry made a face and Louis felt her stomach flip. _Fuck_. 

“Lou? You okay?” Louis looked up at Harry, guilty. Harry didn’t need to know how Louis felt, but it was hard to hide. “Are you not feeling well?” Louis took a deep breath.

“I think I’m alright. We might have to cut this short, though.” She didn’t know how long she could be around Harry right then. “But I want to try this.” She held up the salad Nicoise and Harry looked doubtful, but she nodded anyway. 

“Okay, let me get a plate. Do you want a ginger beer? It might help if your stomach’s bothering you.” Louis wanted to laugh-it wasn’t her stomach giving her trouble. But she took the soda anyway. Harry was nice, so nice to her. She wanted her to stop. 

Louis nibbled the salad and drank the ginger beer, silent. She left the beer Harry had given her untouched, and when she was done she looked over. Harry was eating her orange and fennel salad, and caught Louis’ eye. “Are you feeling better? I thought maybe we could walk through the park.” 

“I knew you meant to take me hiking,” Louis said, and Harry blushed, giggling. “What about the rest of this? Isn’t it going to spoil? Made enough for a king’s court you did.” 

“Most of it will keep. You can take some home or we can give some to the homeless if that’s okay.” Harry stood up, brushing off her jeans, and Louis felt helpless affection for her again.

“You made it, you can give it away if you want. Okay, where do you want to take me?” 

“There’s an old cemetery this way, want to go?” Harry put everything back into the basket, and then carried it, holding out her other hand for Louis. “It’ll probably still be deserted.”

“Probably still filled with American tourists, I bet,” Louis groused, but she took Harry’s hand. It felt so good in hers, it always did, and she tried to ignore it. She couldn’t. 

They walked to the cemetery, and it was overgrown and dark, a contrast to the rest of the park. Large trees shaded them, and ivy crawled over the tombstones, making them look beautiful and sinister in turns. “Nice place, Hazza. It looks like we’re about to be eaten by angry ghosts.” 

Harry smiled, serene even in this setting. “I like it here. I come here to write lyrics sometimes. It’s just calming.” She walked over to a stone bench by the graves, and sat down, putting the basket on the ground. “Come over here?” 

“Oh you just wanted me to seduce you next to the graves. I see how you are.” Harry smiled at her, all sunshine, the way she did when she knew she was going to get her way, and Louis sat next to her. Harry leaned in for a kiss, and Louis didn’t deny her. She never could.

As they kissed, Louis heard thunder and the sound of rain. The trees kept them from feeling it, their canopy taking shielding them. Louis could hear the far away sounds of people cursing and rushing from the park, but they stayed where they were, Harry opening her mouth to the kisses. 

“Lou,” Harry breathed into her mouth as Louis got a hand under her jacket and over her breast. Harry felt soft, like she always did, soft and sweet. Louis rubbed over her nipple through her shirt and Harry whimpered. 

Louis felt lost, swept up in how Harry felt and sounded and _was_ , all around her, and they were just making out. She pulled back, and Harry blinked up at her, big eyes staring. Louis felt like she was drowning in her. Harry held her hand out, and Louis shook her head without thinking, and Harry looked wounded. 

“Lou, why…”

“I need to go,” Louis said, and she got up, watching as Harry rearranged her top. “I don’t feel well, I need to leave.’ Louis didn’t feel well, she felt like she was turning inside out, and that she was claustrophobic out in the open. “I need to go,” she said again.

Harry sat up, looking mildly panicked. “Okay, let me get the stuff, I can take you-“ Harry frowned as Louis shook her head. “Why not? Lou, it’s raining.”

“I can get home. You don’t have to cart me around all the time.’ Now Harry really looked upset, but Louis couldn’t take it back, she was stumbling out of the cemetery and back into the park, leaving Harry alone with all of her picnic things. She thought Harry might have called after her, but she didn’t stop.

…

When Louis got home, she was soaked. She had to take a taxi and so she was broke as well. She thought about Harry the entire time, and knew she was a bitch for leaving her, but she couldn’t stay any longer. Fuck. Harry would probably never talk to her again. She needed to talk to Liam. 

Liam’s door was cracked open, and Louis almost burst through, but Liam wasn’t alone. Zayn was standing almost in the doorway, and Louis could see his face. He was watching Liam like he was about to shove Liam’s trackies down and blow him right there. 

“See, you do the shoulder curls like this.” Liam said, unnoticing of Louis or of Zayn’s reaction. He demonstrated with one of his huge dumbbells, and Zayn swallowed, eyes on Liam’s muscles. “You just have to remember to not to arch your back, let your arms take all the weight. That’s what makes a difference. You should come running with me one morning. You might not smoke as much.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Zayn sounded like he was under a spell, and he blinked a few times. Louis backed up just as Zayn said “Hey, I should probably go. I don’t know if Louis is coming back…”

“I’ll tell her you brought that painting by, she might be interested.” Liam put his weights down, and moved to show Zayn out like the gentleman he was. Zayn was backing up, and Liam caught sight of Louis, but Zayn was already heading for the door. “Bye,” he called, and Zayn answered before nearly running out the door. Louis stared.

“Hey,” Liam said to her, looking her over. “Oh, you’re wet, are you okay? Did something happen?” 

Louis shook her head and headed for her room. She couldn’t talk to Liam right then, he was as clueless as she was.

…

It was a couple of days before Louis heard from Harry again. Actually, she didn’t hear from Harry so much as Harry came by without calling. Louis was in her room, curled on the mattress, when she heard a short staccato knock. “Yeah?” She said, even though she thought she knew who it was.

Harry opened the door slowly, and Louis turned over. “Can I come in?” She said, looking at Louis, her eyes huge. Harry seemed smaller, less gangly and more hesitant. Louis nodded and Harry closed the door after herself, and sat on the floor next to Louis. 

“What did I do?” 

Louis didn’t know how to answer, and Harry stared at the floor. “Just tell me, if, you know, it was too much, or if you don’t want to see me anymore. We can do something else, but I like you. So maybe we can still be friends or something…”

“It wasn’t you.” Harry stopped and looked at her. “It wasn’t. Don’t think it was. I’m sorry.” 

“But you left me there, and I had all that food and I still haven’t eaten it all.” Harry’s voice was a whisper now, and she had her arms around her knees, looking at the floor again. 

“It wasn’t the food, fuck the food, don’t worry about it.” Louis could hardly stand to have Harry this close, and all she wanted was to bridge the gap and touch her. She stayed strong. “It was me. I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave. And I should have let you take me, I’m sorry.” 

Louis always knew she was a coward, and the way she distanced herself from why she actually left Harry alone just proved it.

But Harry seemed to believe it, blinking big doe eyes at Louis, and Louis had to pinch her thigh to keep from screaming. She loved this delicate little bird so much. She hated it. She hated Harry. She hated herself. 

“Did my food make you sick?” Louis shook her head. “Okay, if you’re sure.” And then Harry moved towards her and Louis had an armful of warm sweet girl, her hair tickling Louis’ neck. Louis wanted to push her off, but she’d missed her, so she just held Harry close and kept her mouth shut.

“It’s nearly four, why are you in bed?” Louis didn’t know how to answer, so she kissed Harry’s neck instead. That got a moan out of Harry, and Louis did it again. “I mean, don’t you have work or something?” Louis sucked on her neck and Harry whimpered.

“Swapped a shift so I didn’t have to come in,” Louis said. She didn’t feel up to it, and she hadn’t expected Harry to get in contact again after that. So she had given up her Friday off. “What about you, you work two jobs.” 

“Same, swapped out a shift. I wanted to see you. I was afraid. To call, I mean.” Harry pulled back and Louis looked her in the eye. She looked a bit worried, and Louis had no way to comfort her. She couldn’t tell her why she left and she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t do it again. “Maybe we were going too fast.”

Slowing down wouldn’t help now, but Louis nodded anyway. “I mean, I like being with you, but if it’s a lot, I mean, we have other things in our lives…” 

Harry seemed like she could probably ramble for a while, so Louis kissed her to shut her up. Harry kissed back, nipping her lip like an eager kitten, and Louis pinned her to the mattress, getting on top and kissing her breathless. 

Harry moved and shifted under her, trying to get leverage to move probably, and Louis pulled back. “What? Do you want something?” Louis grinned at her and Harry smiled back, looking amazing, as always. 

“Sorry. I just wanted so many things at once. Are we gonna fuck? We didn’t do anything much last time before you left.” 

“Do you want to?” Louis didn’t want to answer that really, so she punted it back to Harry. “I could wait if you wanted, but you’re here now so it’s nice.” Also, that way Louis wouldn’t have to talk. 

“Mmmm. I don’t mind, but most of your boys are home today. You always say I make a lot of noise, and I know it’ll embarrass you. So maybe not?” Louis looked at Harry, because _of course_ Harry would put sex aside to make her more comfortable. It was just like her.

“Okay,” Louis said, and then she rolled off Harry and curled beside her. Harry moved so they were spooning, and Louis could hear her sigh happily. “So, we’re still seeing each other then. Just not exclusively.” 

“I didn’t think it was exclusive in the first place, was it?” Louis didn’t really want to talk about this, but Harry had left the door open, so she asked. Then she tensed up, afraid of the answer.

“I don’t think we were, exactly, but you know. We’ve been dating and it’s been getting more serious and maybe we can nudge it back if you want. I haven’t seen anyone else since we started though.” 

“Yeah. Me either.” Louis put her face in Harry’s curls then, just to distract her. She smelled like coconut shampoo and sticky hairspray, but Louis didn’t move, not yet. “I think I just needed to get away, though.”

Harry made a considering noise, and Louis put her chin on Harry’s shoulder. “Maybe. But it’s okay, we can still be together. But if you want to change anything, that’s fine.” 

“Were you okay?” Louis wanted to kick herself for asking, she shouldn’t even care. But she did, and Harry shifted until she was on her side, staring down at Louis.

“I was, after that first day. I was really confused, but I wasn’t angry at you. You said you weren’t well.” Louis squirmed, not wanting to look Harry in the eye. “I missed you though. I waited two days and then I needed to make sure you were okay. And you’re lying in bed at four In the afternoon, so I would say not all that good.”

“I stay in bed late, all right? I’m up all night working. That doesn’t mean anything.” Actually, Harry wasn’t wrong, Louis had been hiding in her room for the past two days, worrying not only Liam, but her other housemates as well. Dizzy even went so far as to frown the couple of times he saw her. “I just get tired.”

“Okay. I won’t worry if you say I don’t have to.” Louis felt guilty again, and was looking away when Harry kissed her sweetly on the mouth. “We’ll just let it go, then.” 

Louis moved so Harry wasn’t right above her, sitting up. She was wearing a skimpy tank top with a hole in it and black pants. Inwardly she didn’t think she deserved to be forgiven, but Harry didn’t really know what had happened. So she guessed she was.

“You forgive me too easily,” she said, and then wished she hadn’t. It was too true, too much, but Harry just looked at her steadily. “Why?” 

“I don’t think I do,” Harry said, biting her thumbnail. “You told me what happened, and it’s all right. I just wish…next time text me? Just let me know you’re okay. I can stay away a bit if you need space, but…do that. I’d like it.”

“Okay.” She knew that Harry is right to be worried, and she hated that too, that she was perceptive. Louis stands up, and stretched. “Ow. Been in here too long.” 

“Want to go for a walk? We can just go down the street, maybe get some ice cream.” Harry smiled at her, right back to optimistic. “I missed you, we can just do something simple. All those big dates were probably a bad idea.”

Louis agreed with that, at least. Maybe she wouldn’t love Harry if they’d hadn’t insisted on trying to impress each other. “Let me get dressed, hold on.” She got her clothes and ducked into the bathroom, not ready for Harry to see her any more vulnerable than she already was. 

When she was done, Harry was waiting by the door, talking to Liam. She took Louis’ arm and they went outside. “Not complaining about the sunshine now, are you?” Harry said, smug. Louis just rolled her eyes and kept walking. 

They got ice cream from an Indian themed place, Harry got cardamom and Louis mango chili. It was sweet and hot and Louis wished she’d gotten a pint to share with her boys. Oh well, they wouldn’t leave any for her if she did. 

“Have some of mine,” Harry said, and Louis didn’t object to her pushing her ice cream towards Louis’ mouth. Louis bit off a chunk and it was sweetly spicy, almost musky. “Good? I love cardamom, it’s like cinnamon for grown-ups.” 

“I love cinnamon,” Louis said, trying to act grouchy and failing. Harry always seemed to have sweet things with her, nice things. It made Louis ache, and it made her want to get Harry back in her bed. It was complicated. “Want to head back, or walk more?”

“Walk more. I love your house but it’s a bit full.” Louis had no arguments, so they walked further, the day cloudy but not raining yet. It was crowded with businessmen and tourists, so they didn’t hold hands. “Sometimes, you know, I wonder why I live here. I’m from the country, really.”

“And I’m sure that was a barrel of laughs, for a young queer girl like you,” Louis said, and Harry giggled, her nose wrinkling up. She looked like a kitten. “I know you came here for school, but you like it, don’t you?” 

“Yes, mostly. I like it best at night. It’s prettier and there’s a lot to do. During the day it’s just busy and dreary, and it’s always expensive. Do you miss home?” 

Well, that was a rather abrupt turn in conversation. “Yes. I loved taking care of my family, but I had to move to do something for myself. I couldn’t do both, I had to move somewhere bigger. Does that make sense?” 

“Yeah. Basically what I did.” Harry licked her ice cream and looked at her phone. “I have to go soon, I have stuff I have to do at home. And I promised a friend that I’d fix her some cookies for a party.

“Always working, even when you take a day off,” Louis said, and she looked around before kissing Harry on the nose. “Come on then.” They walked back in silence, finishing their cones. When they got back, Louis kissed Harry again on the sidewalk. “Thanks for coming over. And you can bring some of the leftover food here if you want.”

“Glad we settled things,” Harry said, and Louis thought _Not really_ before waving Harry off. Then she went back in.


	9. Party Out of Bounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's another party, and maybe things are fine.

Louis muddled through a few more boring days of working and texting Harry, and then there was another party at her house, with them playing. Louis had been looking forward to it, she ached in her bones to play, to get all the things she was feeling out of her. 

Harry was invited, of course, and her band. She couldn’t exactly not invite them, could she? But yeah, now they were gonna have another party, and Liam was running around making sure they had enough crisps and things, while Louis sat at the kitchen table, drinking a beer and scratching lyrics in her notebook. 

“We probably need to set up soon,” Liam said, and Louis looked up, blinking. It wasn’t even five yet. 

“Calm down, Leeyum. It’s not that late yet. And stop worrying about the snacks, you know people just bring whatever they want, take some of the pressure off us. We’ll put up the drums in a couple of hours. Niall will be mad if we put them up too early and someone messes with them.” 

Liam looked down, a little chastised. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just worried.” 

“About what?” Louis closed her notebook and got up, going over to Liam. “You know all these losers, it’s no scarier than it normally is.”

“It kind of is,” Liam said, his voice hesitant. “I asked Zayn?” 

“Yeah? Do you think he’ll come?” Louis thought about when she caught Zayn and Liam in his room, the hand weights, and thought _Oh_. “Liam, don’t worry about that. I think he fancies you too, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Liam mumbled, and Louis sighed, patting his shoulder. 

“Yeah mate, that makes two of us.” Liam turned to her and gave her a half-smile. “Well, at least when you decide what you want, I know you’ll get it. Zayn can’t take his eyes off you.” 

Liam shrugged and turned away, his way of wanting to put an end to the subject, and Louis backed off. She got her notebook and beer and went back to her room for a bit. On her way there, she heard Liam fussing at Dizzy about the drums.

…

Around seven o’clock, the party was starting to fill up. Harry had said she’d be there later, but the rest of her band showed up. Louis had trouble remembering their names, but the sweet one with the lip ring hugged her warmly. “Hey there, Harry’s girl.”

“Now now, none of that language,” Louis said, making a joke of it, and he laughed before patting Louis’ shoulder and going for a beer. Louis went over to talk to a few people she hadn’t seen for a while, so it wouldn’t look like she was waiting for Harry. 

Thirty minutes before they were about to play, Harry showed up. She looked a bit bedraggled, not as put together as she normally was, and Louis frowned. She didn’t care if anyone saw her-she went right over and hugged Harry. “Hey, are you all right?”

“I am,” Harry said, but her voice was thick. “I’m just tired is all, came after work, tried putting on makeup on the bus…”

“Where’s your scooter?” Louis said, and Harry let out a little sigh

“It’s getting some repairs. Some bloke told me I was a vain female for putting on makeup in public. I told him he was a rude bastard and I hoped his girlfriends talked about him behind his back. He didn’t like that.” 

“Did he hit you?” Louis pulled back, looking at Harry’s face. She couldn’t see anything. “Love, did he hurt you?” 

Harry shook his head, sniffling, and Louis pushed a hand through her hair. “No, he yelled a lot though. He was a real bastard, and I tried to talk back, but a policeman made us stop. People were staring at me, like it was my fault.” 

“Wasn’t your fault, dragonfly,” Louis said and Harry laughed a bit, wiping her eyes. “He was just jealous ‘cause he can’t get you, you’re way out of his league, and he knew that. Fuck him. If I’d been there, I would have punched him.” 

“No Lou,” Harry said. “You’d have been arrested, no.” Harry put one of her big hands on Louis’ back, and rubbed her through her t-shirt. “I don’t want to have to bail you out.” Then Harry kissed her, and she tasted like tears and lip gloss. Louis petted the shaved part of her hair, and soon Harry wasn’t crying anymore. 

“Okay,” Louis said after a few minutes. “I have to go sing now, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Harry said, shaking her head. “I really want to hear you sing now, it’ll make me feel better. You’re so amazing.” Louis looked at her wobbly smile, and she could feel her heart melt. Harry believed in her. It was pretty terrifying. 

“Okay,” she said, perhaps too quickly. “I need to go set up. Stand nearby, okay? I want to see you.” She dropped a small kiss on Harry’s mouth. 

“Of course,” Harry said, and the smile she gave Louis wasn’t shaky. 

…

The set went great. Louis kept her eyes on Harry, who stayed right up close as promised, mouthing the lyrics back to Louis as she screamed them out. Louis never remembered her performances much, but Harry right in front of her was like a talisman, letting her know it was happening. At the end, she pulled Harry in and kissed her as the party crowd whooped. She didn’t even care if the pervy bastards were getting off on it, Harry was still with her.

After they played, Harry sat in her lap while Louis had a beer and chatted to some of the party-goers. Harry put her face in Louis’ neck and Louis rubbed down her back. Louis didn’t know if the arse on the bus had made Harry more clingy, but she was fine with it. This night, at least, she wanted people to know that Harry was hers. 

“You’re like a limpet,” Louis whispered when they were in the hall, and Harry giggled. “Been right with me all night, I like it.” 

Harry giggled again. She was slightly tipsy, and her cheeks were rosy. “You’re letting me do it,” she slurred. “Not pushing me off or running away. I like that.” Louis tipped Harry’s face up, wanting to see her. Harry smiled at her, serene. “It’s not bad, is it?”

“No,” she said, voice quiet. Harry brushed a hand through her greasy hair-she really needed to wash it. “Okay, I need to take you back to my room now.” Harry smiled at her, trusting and sweet, and Louis felt in over her head again, but not as scared. 

They made it back to Louis’ room. Louis went to flick the light on, but stopped. Two people were already there. Louis could make them out in the dim light from the hall. Two boys, snogging in the corner, one with his back to the wall. “Hey, this is my room,” Louis said, voice low, not wanting to scare them. 

They broke apart, and Louis gaped. “Liam?” And yes, there was Liam, wiping his mouth and looking embarrassed as Zayn moved to the side. “Sorry,” she said, and Liam almost looked panicked. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Your room’s through there, remember?” Liam looked a bit confused, and then looked at the door. “Yeah, don’t think anyone would notice.” 

“Thanks,” Zayn said, before he took Liam’s hand and gently steered him towards Liam’s room. Liam shot her and Harry a look, and Louis wasn’t sure if it was grateful or wary. Harry looked at her as they left.

“Wow.”

“Yeah. Good for Liam, hope they have a good time.” Louis closed the door behind them and didn’t bother with the light. Harry found the mattress, nearly tripping over it, and Louis locked the door and got on with her. Harry nuzzled her neck. “You still have all your clothes on,” Louis said.

“Except my shoes,” she said, and Louis could see her smile in the near-dark. She kissed it, and Harry kissed her back. They laid back, Louis on her back as Harry kept kissing her. Louis moved her hand to the front of Harry’s shirt, cupping her breast. Harry sighed. 

“It’s so good with you,” Harry said when they had switched positions, Louis’ mouth on Harry’s nipple. “You’re just…yeah,” Harry trailed off as Louis pinched her other nipple. One big hand came to tangle in her hair, and Louis smiled. 

“Glad you like it. Love making you come, you know that.” Louis moved down further, kissing Harry’s stomach, and Harry let out another sigh. 

“I know,” she said, and Louis smiled too as she took Harry’s pants off. Outside their door, the party kept raging, but for now, it was just the two of them. 

…

Louis woke up the next morning with a dull but thudding headache, the smell of lilac perfume close by, and soft arms around her. “Hey.” Louis blinked her eyes open. “You stayed.” 

“Not for long. I have to go to work soon, I’m just working the front counter today. I’m sorry, I’m always running off to work.” Louis shrugged, and pulled her in for a kiss. Harry kissed her sweetly, then pulled back, getting up. 

“Not your fault, we have to pay rent somehow.” Louis sat up, scratching through her hair. She was wearing her pants and a bra, Harry was naked but quickly getting her clothes back on. “One day, they’re gonna throw us all out of here, I’m sure. Bounce us and renovate this dump. Then let rich folks rent it for two thousand pounds more a month.” 

“They might, so you’ll have to find another place to live,” Harry said, too chirpy about it. “I know wherever you go, you and Liam would probably be flatmates together. Maybe some of the other blokes too.”

“Dizzy worries about it, sometimes. He tells me he doesn’t want to live in a home for the disabled, that they wouldn’t let him have his guitar and motorcycle there. He said if it came to that, he’d rather be on the streets.”

“Is it that bad? I thought he mostly just couldn’t talk.” Harry looked concerned and Louis shrugged. 

“It’s mostly that, but it’s a couple other not as bad things as well. He can get by with us by signing, we learned so we can understand him. But a lot of people don’t bother.” Louis stretched her arms. “I hope he doesn’t hear me talking about this, he hates to feel like people are pitying him. As if.”

“Right.” Harry got dressed and then kneeled on the floor next to her. “Thanks for last night, it was nice. Sometimes, I don’t know if you really like having me around, but last night was good.” Harry smiled at her, and Louis could feel her heart ache. She was such a shit to Harry.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m glad I was good to you last night. You deserve it.” Harry seemed to glow from the praise, and Louis kissed her. “There. Now go to work and do well. I don’t want you getting behind on rent.”

“I won’t,” Harry said as she got up and walked out the door. She heard Harry give a cheery goodbye to someone in the kitchen, and a hungover groan in reply. After a few minutes, she got up herself and went to the shower. 

Fifteen minutes later, she came out to greet the lot in the kitchen. It was Dizzy, Stan, and Liam with his head on the table. “Hey lads,” she said, getting her cocopops and milk, sitting across from Liam. “Liam, are you all right? Do you need some soda?”

“I’m okay,” Liam whispered into the table, which wasn’t very reassuring. Louis poked his leg with her foot under the table. Liam looked up, and Louis stared at him as she crunched her Cocopops. “Things were a little weird last night.”

“Let me finish eating and then we’ll go to your room, tell me all about it.” Louis ate her cereal and put the bowl in the sink. Liam was already heading to his room. “So what happened? Is this about Zayn? You two looked pretty happy when I saw you.”

“Yeah,” Liam said when they got in his room. He sat down on his mattress, rubbing the back of his head. “We kissed, for a while. But…he wanted to touch more than I was comfortable with, and I had to tell him. He was okay with it, he didn’t complain at all, but I feel like, maybe I shouldn’t have?

“Liam, of course you should have. We all know you have boundaries, and I don’t mind. He shouldn’t either. Okay, I admit sometimes I’d like a bear hug from you,” Liam looked guilty then, and Louis stumbled over herself. “But I’m not the important one here. It’s your body and your rules.” 

Liam looked straight ahead. “I’d like him too, though. I just can’t, not right now.” Then Liam looked back at her, and Louis thought it was an opening.

“Liam,” she said quietly. “Why do you do that? Why do you not want to be touched, why do you hide so much? Did someone hurt you, because just tell me and I’ll beat the living shit out of them.” Liam dropped his head, and Louis thought maybe she’d gone too far.

“You’ve known me for years,” Liam said, “And you never asked until now. You waited until I gave you an opening. God, you’re my best friend.” Liam look a deep breath then, and stood up, pulling his shirt off. It took a minute for Louis to place the garment Liam had on underneath it. 

“You’re wearing a binder,” Louis said. Liam nodded, biting his lip, looking nervous. “Liam…oh. Wow. That’s brilliant then. Are you taking shots? You must be, you’re so ripped.” Louis grinned up at her friend. “Come here, let me hug you proper.” 

“Okay,” Liam said, voice still a bit unsure, and Louis got up and hugged Liam full body, careful not to squeeze too hard because of the binder. “You’re not sleeping in it, are you? Could mess up your breathing.” 

“No, I’m not.” Liam laughed then. “God, this is so bloody weird. I thought you would treat me differently, should’ve known you wouldn’t care.” Louis kissed Liam’s cheek, and looked at his sweet, shy face. She couldn’t see a trace of girl on him, couldn’t imagine it really.

“I’ve seen it before, some of the dykes I know-well, not dykes, that’s not right-that changed. I’m glad to see it. But…I’m sorry you couldn’t tell anyone.” She remembered the terrified Liam she first met when they squatted, his curly hair and wide eyes, and yeah, maybe she could imagine a girl that once lived in Liam. 

“I had to leave home, and I still don’t like seeing my parents. They won’t call me Liam. My sisters are a bit better, but not by a whole lot. And now I’ve started something with Zayn and…I don’t know how to tell him. You know what he told me last night? He said ‘You’re the first bloke I’ve ever gone for’. What if he starts thinking I’m a girl?”

“Don’t put up with it. Tell him he has to accept you the way you are now. Maybe he won’t mind, it’s Zayn. He’s pretty easygoing. But just try talking to him. It might work out fine.” Louis thought about Harry, and how she should probably take her own fucking advice. Oh well, scant chance of that. Liam got his shirt and put it back on.

“Yeah. I think I’ll text him today, ask him to come around if he can. Thanks, you know. And I have to ask, how are you and Harry doing?” 

Louis shrugged. “I’m in love with her. I don’t want to tell her, and I’m making things weird.” Louis stared at the floor while Liam came closer, putting an arm around her. “She can’t love me back, why would she?” 

“There’s a lot of reasons to love you, idiot,” Liam said, and Louis closed her eyes. “You’re an amazing person, you’re talented, you’re so loyal. I know you think people leave you, but that’s not the case. You should try telling her.”

“I can’t, not now.” Louis didn’t know what Harry saw in her, but she was sure that whatever it was, it would fade off if she got clingy. “She’s a great girl, Li. She really is. I don’t know what to do with her.” 

“Just try to keep her around. I don’t want you to fuck up and wind up messing things. She looks up to you.” Liam stood up then. “I’m going to text Zayn. I don’t know what I’m going to tell him, but I’ll say something.”

“Okay. You can do it.” Louis got another hug, and she could feel the binder underneath Liam’s shirt, but she didn’t mind, liked finally getting a real hug from her mate. “I’m gonna get out of here awhile, see you soon.” Louis went out the front door, and walked for a while. It was overcast but not raining, good because Louis didn’t think to bring an umbrella. 

After a while, she checked to see where she was, and then checked to see if Harry’s bakery was anywhere nearby. It wasn’t, but she decided that wouldn’t stop her. She walked for a while, and then took a bus, and soon she was in front of the place that Harry went to make those amazing bacon rolls. 

It was a pretty storefront, Louis thought, and it was pretty inside, with nice white counters and some small tables where people sat with tea and biscuits. She could see Harry too, her hair neatly tucked inside a hairnet, a white hat covering most of it. Harry was laughing and talking to her co-workers, and didn’t see Louis at the window. 

Louis watched as Harry greeted a customer, a man in a business suit who barely had time to look at her. Harry got and rang up his stuff, handed him his change, and he took it and stormed for the door, still on his cell phone. Louis thought about tripping him on his way out, but didn’t do it. Just as Louis looked back through the window, she saw Harry notice her there. She got to see Harry’s face break out in surprised delight before the door opened again and Louis found herself staring at a red-faced, somewhat annoyed flour-covered bloke.

“Look, if you’re not here to buy anything, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We can’t have people out front panhandling.” Louis nearly said something, even considered taking a swing, but she could see Harry in the window, mouth in an ‘o’ as she watched, and she just nodded her head at her. 

“Sorry, I can come in for a bacon roll if you want, they’re fantastic. I’ll just get one and a tea and head on.” She looked straight up at him, and he glared at her, but seemed to be reconsidering making her go. “My friend works here, thought I’d check the place out.” 

“Come in if you want, but don’t pester my staff, the lunch rush is soon.” Then the man moved to the side, allowing Louis to come in. Harry saw her and beamed as Louis walked up to her counter. 

“Hey darling. I hope I don’t get you in trouble, I just thought I’d see where your store was. Can I get a bacon roll and some tea?” Harry got it for him, her face a bit pink. She hadn’t worn much makeup to give out baked goods all day, but Louis thought it looked good on her. She took her order and paid, putting some money in the tip jar. “I better go before your boss gives you a hard time about me. Have a good day, pumpkin.”

“You have a good day too, Louis, she said, and Louis nodded quickly, heading for the door, still smiling softly. Harry’s boss nodded at her tersely as she left. Louis wanted to look back, but didn’t want to get a second chewing out for loitering, so she walked off, bacon roll in hand. 

Harry might not know that Louis loved her, but at least she couldn’t say that Lou had never visited her at work. That was something, she was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hoping my reveal worked.


	10. (Interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam invites Zayn over to talk. A rare Louis-free interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was put together partially from chat logs with magdalyna, so they get a co-writing credit on this chapter. Thanks hon.

After Louis left, Liam laid back down and stared at the ceiling. He had promised he’d talk to Zayn, but he had no idea what to say. After a few minutes he sent Zayn a text. **Hey. U okay?**

A few minutes passed, and then he got a buzz. **Drank too much. Feel like shit. You?**

Liam smiled at that. **I’m okay, don’t drink much** , he sent. **You want to come over or are you hurting too much?**

 **Maybe in an hour or so. Need a shower. K, see you then.** Then Zayn sent him a smiley face and Liam grinned. Then he thought about what he had to say, and he wasn’t as happy. He had no way of knowing how Zayn would take the news.

The next couple of hours passed with Liam trying to keep busy. Louis wasn’t back, and ordinarily he would be worked, but he couldn’t be right then. When Zayn finally showed up, Liam was cleaning the living room, Dizzy sitting on the couch watching TV. “Hey,” he said, feeling a bit stupid. “Come on in, I was just dusting.”

“This place looks like you’re the only one who ever cleans it,” Zayn said and Dizzy grinned and flipped him off. “I can help if you want.” Liam nodded and Zayn went to get another flannel. They got the living room taken care of in no time. 

“I’d start on the kitchen,” Liam said, smiling at Zayn. “But I invited you over so we could talk. Do you want to move this to my room?” Zayn nodded, looking suddenly more serious, and they went back. Liam locked the doors, figuring that him and Zayn might start kissing at some point. That was if Zayn didn’t walk out the second he heard. God, he was nervous.

“So what’s going on then?” Zayn said, sitting on the bed. “You’re not breaking up with me are you? This isn’t about what I said, you being the first bloke.” Liam raised his eyebrows up in surprised, but Zayn seemed honestly worried. 

“No, it’s not that at all. It’s just-I have something and I’ve been hiding it from nearly everyone, and I have to tell you.” Liam sat next to him, and Zayn put a hand on his arm. “I really don’t know how to start,” Liam said, worrying his lip. 

“Leeyum,” Zayn said. “It’s okay, whatever it is. Unless you’re a serial killer or killing puppies, I don’t think you can scare me off. So just tell me.” 

“Okay,” Liam said, and he looked over at Zayn. “I’m, um. I’m trans.” He wondered if he should show Zayn the binder too, but instead he just nodded. 

“Is that it? Okay.” Liam stared at Zayn, but he didn’t seem to be horrified, or even surprised. “I mean, I’m glad for you, that you’re transitioning. Can I kiss you now?” 

Liam leaned forward without saying anything, and they kissed softly, Zayn cupping his jaw. It was nice, more than nice, and Liam pulled back. “You know what that means, right? I don’t have a dick, I’m wearing a binder, I didn’t want anyone touching me for the longest because I didn’t want them feeling it.”

Zayn grinned at Liam like he thought he was being a bit thick. “You’ve been taking hormones how long? I bet you’ve got something close to a dick. I don’t mind, anyway. If we ever get to that point I can handle it. Can we kiss some more?” 

“Um, all right,” Liam said, and he leaned in again. This time it was even hotter, Zayn licking into his mouth gently, one hand on his jaw. “You can touch my shoulders if you want,” he said. Zayn promptly put one hand on his shoulder, and they kissed more. Zayn’s mouth was soft and insistent and Liam rubbed a hand over his back, through the shirt.

“Yeah, touch me. You can touch me anywhere you want,” Zayn said as they pulled apart, and he looked feral, hungry. So Liam came back in and touched his back and sides softly as they kissed. He moved his hands under Zayn’s shirt and felt the hot smooth skin of his back. Zayn whimpered a bit. “Yeah, don’t be shy. You can touch me.” Liam smiled into the kiss and kept rubbing over Zayn’s back.

After a few minutes of soft moans from Zayn, Liam started to feel turned on. “I want us to lie down,” he said. “But I’m going to take my binder off. Could you not look?” 

“Okay,” Zayn said, and he turned his head. Liam toed off his shoes, and took his trackies off, leaving him in his pants. Then he took off his shirt and slowly removed the binder. He coughed a couple of times, to loosen up any congestion, and put his shirt back on. “Okay, I’m ready,” he said, and Zayn turned back around, looking at him. “Do I look okay?”

“You look amazing.” Zayn pulled off his shoes and jeans, and laid down on the bed. “Come here, wanna snuggle you.” Liam got on his bed and Zayn pulled him in for another kiss, his hand on the back of Liam’s neck. “It’s okay if I touch a bit more? I don’t touch your pecs if you don’t want me to.”

Pecs. That made Liam smile, surprised. “Okay.” Liam pulled back a little. “I have to ask. Have you ever dated anyone trans before? Because you’re sort of brilliant at this.” 

Zayn smiled, looking a bit abashed. “No, never dated anyone. But you know, I have sisters and they have friends. One of them started transitioning a year ago, and we talked about it. He was afraid he wouldn’t be welcome at mosque anymore, and thought he could ask me about it. I did the best I could.” Zayn rubbed his finger over Liam’s collarbone as he talked, making Liam feel more relaxed.

“I bet it was great,” Liam said, and Zayn shrugged. Liam kissed him again, and they laid back on their sides. Zayn kept his word and didn’t touch Liam’s chest. He did touch Liam’s back though, just softly rubbing a circle through the shirt fabric. “God Zayn. You’re so hot.” 

Zayn giggled into his neck. “Shush, you are.” Liam giggled too, and they moved so Zayn was lying down, looking up at Liam. Liam straddled his hips and rucked up Zayn’s shirt, exposing his stomach.

“Wow,” he said quietly. He was a little nervous now. Zayn’s stomach was flat with just visible muscles, and didn’t have any moles or birthmarks, all smooth skin. He did have a lot of tattoos, and Liam moved down so he could kiss one. 

“Yeah, please,” Zayn said, a thread of need in his voice, so Liam bent down and kissed another one. Zayn sat halfway up and pulled off his shirt, throwing it across the room. “Keep going, do whatever you want.” Zayn flopped back down on the pillow, brown eyes huge and pleading. 

“Oh. Okay.” Liam moved in to kiss Zayn again, him moving up into it, wanting more. After a minute, he kissed the soft skin of Zayn’s neck, pressing small kisses until Liam was at the place Zayn’s neck met his collarbone. “Your skin. It’s so beautiful,” he muttered, and Zayn giggled again as Liam traced his collarbone with his mouth.

“Glad-glad you like it.” Zayn put a hand on the back of Liam’s head as he kept kissing Zayn’s body, moving his way down. “Oh,” he said when Liam made it to his pants waistband, kissing right over it. “You don’t-I don’t expect you to.” 

“I think I might want to,” Liam said, voice soft. Zayn looked down at him, eyebrows raised, and he nodded. Liam took a deep breath, and pulled Zayn’s pants down. Liam stared-Zayn’s cock was on the large side, and wide. Liam ran a finger down its length, and Zayn whimpered. “It’s beautiful. I wish I had one like that.” 

“I’m sure I’ll love yours, when we get to that,” Zayn said, his voice a bit strangled. ‘Just…touch me? You don’t have to, but…” Zayn looked up at him, and Liam wanted to, wanted to do more than that. 

“I’m gonna…” Liam moved so he was between Zayn’s legs, one hand on his cock. He stroked it a couple of times, and a drop of pre-come rolled down, getting his fingers wet. “I want to suck you off, if that’s okay.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Zayn said, and Liam looked back up at him, at how Zayn was gripping the sheets, and he gave the head a little kitten lick. Zayn moaned, and Liam did it again, faster, then he got his mouth around Zayn and sucked gently. 

Zayn put his hand on the back of Liam’s head again. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s good, you’re good.” Then Liam went down further and Zayn made a louder noise. “Fuck.” 

Liam pulled off. “Shhh, I have housemates in the next room.” Zayn made a huffing noise and Liam grinned before taking him down again. Zayn’s cock felt good in his mouth, just the right size, and he sucked him gently, trying to make it last. From the muffled noises Zayn was making around his fist, he didn’t think he would. 

Liam got to suck on Zayn for a bit longer than he expected, before Zayn grunted and squeezed his shoulder. “Pull off love, gonna come…” Liam pulled off and finished Zayn with his hand while Zayn looked down at him. “Oh god.” 

Liam ground down against the bed. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he just…wanted. “Zayn,” he said, and Zayn hauled him up and kissed him hard, biting at his lip. “I want, I want…fuck. I don’t know.” 

“Let me know, I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you’re comfortable with,” Zayn said, and he looked so good then, with his face flushed and a bit sweaty, that Liam had to kiss him again, grinding up against Zayn’s hip. “Is that it? Wanna grind on me?” 

Liam kissed Zayn as his answer, and adjusted so he was moving on Zayn’s thigh, still kissing him. Zayn had a big warm hand on his neck, holding him in place as he moved. He was so hot, wanted it so much, that he was shaking as it built up. “That’s it love, that’s it, you can come, it’s all right.” Zayn kept it up, a stream of sweet things whispered into his ear as he got closer and closer until he was coming, shaking in Zayn’s arms. 

Liam panted into Zayn’s neck, Zayn rubbing a circle on his back. “Oh my god,” Liam said, and laughed. “I haven’t really gotten off with someone else before. Not from touching, anyway.” Liam moved off Zayn, flopping to the side. “So that was new.”

“What did you do, before? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.” Zayn rubbed a thumb over Liam’s lower lip and Liam licked at it. “Did you just give or what?”

“Yeah, basically. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I would sneak out, and go to a bar that had a back room. Mostly I just gave blowies, with condoms on. If anyone tried to do it back I said I didn’t really want to be touched and they never asked questions. Most people didn’t even do that much. They just thought I was this needy submissive twink.” 

“I’m sorry,” Zayn said. “I mean, if it worked I’m glad, but it sounds lonely. Did you try to tell anyone back then?” 

Liam shook his head. “Nobody outside my family. My sister, she’s not too bad about it, she thought I should go online and try to find someone. That’ll be a laugh, a transgender gay boy, I don’t know if there’s a site for that. But maybe it would’ve worked.”

“I could see it working,” Zayn said, and he kissed Liam’s forehead. “But I’m glad we just got to know each other instead.” 

“Me too,” Liam said. “I’m glad you’re so good about it. I was scared to tell you. Since you said you’d never been with a bloke before. And I was afraid, that you’d treat me like a girl. But I talked to Lou yesterday and she said to try you.” 

“Louis didn’t know?” Zayn raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “I can tell you I don’t. I would understand if you were worried. But no, you’re a boy. If you’re ever okay with me seeing you naked, I’d still know you’re a boy. I like you, Liam.”

“I like you too,” Liam said, and he smiled, coming in for another kiss. “Do you want to go out proper some time? Like go to a movie?” 

“Or a museum,” Zayn said. “I love going there, but we’ll talk about it. Yeah, I’d love to take you out.” Liam felt himself smile, and curled closer to Zayn. 

“We should clean up,” he said, but he had no intention of leaving his room. He’d have to go either through the living room or Lou’s room. She wasn’t home, but still. Zayn put am arm around him, pulling him in. 

“We’ll clean up soon,” he said, voice sleepy, and Zayn pressed a small kiss to his neck. Liam giggled, not worrying if it sounded too female, and fell asleep.


	11. The Whole Damn Family (Is Here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family is what you make of it, Louis figures.

Louis had a couple of busy days, but she kept in touch with Harry, while also trying to avoid her house, because _Oh my god, Liam and Zayn did not know how to be quiet_. She was happy for them, truly, but now that she knew what Liam’s orgasm noise sounded like she would never be able to un-hear it. 

One day, Louis had the afternoon off and decided she would like to see Harry. She sent Harry a text to see if she was home, and didn’t get an answer right away. Just when she figured that Harry was at work, she got one. **I’m home, but mum is here. Come over if you want to.** Louis looked at the text and felt a bit of dread bubble up in her stomach.

 **If I’m not interrupting, sure** Louis sent back, trying to sound brave. She got an **Come over then** response and Louis went to the bus stop. It took over an hour to get there, with late buses and such, but she made it, hoping that being this late wouldn’t be a problem. When walked up to Harry’s apartment, she heard a concerned voice talking. She took a deep breath and knocked.

“Yes?” The door opened and a beautiful woman who looked just like Harry opened the door. Louis made herself look straight at her and not down, and the woman looked a bit surprised, but let her in. “Harry, is this a friend of yours?” Harry came to the door then. 

“Yeah mum, this is Louis. I told you about Louis.” Harry’s mum looked at her again, this time more of an appraising look, then she moved out of the doorway. Louis wished she was wearing something a bit more respectable than a band t-shirt with no bra and a pair of skinny torn jeans. Not that it would do much good, probably. 

“Come in, I’m Anne. Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Always, thank you. No sugar, please.” Anne smiled at that, and Harry came over and took her arm and led her to the couch.

“I’m so glad you came,” Harry whispered while her mother put the kettle on. “She was lecturing me about how my life doesn’t have any direction.” Louis patted Harry on the shoulder, and she smiled. “Maybe now that you’re here, she’ll stop.”

“I don’t usually inspire parents to be more trusting of their children’s decisions,” Louis said, and Harry giggled. Then Anne was back in the room, and Louis steeled herself for a lot of questions. 

Instead, Anne asked her a lot of small talk type of things-about the weather, what she thought of the political situation, if she voted. Pretty basic stuff. Nothing like “so how long have you been sleeping with my daughter?” that she was expecting. Louis wound up having three cups of tea and talking to Anne about the Tories and how they needed to get out of office, Harry stuck to her side the entire time. 

It took Anne another hour to leave, and she kissed Harry goodbye (Harry squinched her face up and acted embarrassed, which amused the fuck out of Louis), and she shook Louis’ hand. Harry went back to the bathroom, and Anne leaned in. “Harry’s told me about you.”

“Oh,” Louis said, unable to think of a better answer.

“She said you were dating,” and Louis nodded. She might be fucked up when it came to relationships, but she wouldn’t deny Harry, not now. Anne smiled, quickly and warmly, and came in closer.

“I’ve been questioning a lot of her decisions lately,” and Louis got ready to defend Harry, because Anne might be her mum but she shouldn’t give her a hard time over things. “But I don’t think you’re a bad one. Take care of my girl when I’m not around.”

Louis was stunned, It took a minute before she could speak. Then she said “Oh. Okay. Thank you.” She heard Harry’s bare feet padding on the carpet towards them, and Anne gave her a quick hug, Louis’ arms hanging uselessly by her sides. Then Anne turned and hugged Harry, told her to call later, and then she was gone. 

“I can’t believe it. She liked me.” That was all Louis could say as she sat back on the couch. Harry got in her lap, snuggling her and kissing her face. “I didn’t see that one coming.”

“Mum doesn’t mind that I’m bi,” Harry told her between little kisses. “I had told her I was seeing you a couple of weeks ago, and she asked me a lot of questions. She wanted to be sure you were okay, and that you had a job, for some reason. I mean, lots of responsible people can’t find work.” 

“Right. Shouldn’t judge people by their jobs,” Louis said, still overwhelmed by the visit. “I just-your mum was really nice to me.”

Harry stopped, looking at her. “You’re always surprised when people don’t treat you like a plague,” she said. “Anyway, I should be worried now, because it’s only fair that I meet _your_ mum next.” Louis put a hand on Harry’s hip and squeezed gently.

“My mum’s in Doncaster,” Louis said. “I haven’t been to visit in a while, but we talk. I need to come down and see them. My sisters just keep getting bigger.” Louis put her other hand in Harry’s hair, stroking it. “Mum was upset when I left, guess she figured I should stay and help with the girls. Like because I was a dyke I’d just be the live-in maiden older sister. That wasn’t going to happen. But she’s over it now, I think. She just wishes I’d visit more.”

“Why don’t you?” Harry kissed her on the mouth, a soft one, and Louis shrugged. 

“Stepfather issues, mainly. Although those have gotten better as well. I was young, and I couldn’t handle things well, so I left. And I met Liam, who was the same, and we hit it off. I figured between the two of us we’d be fine. And we are.” 

“I like how much you love Liam. You’re each other’s family, aren’t you?” Louis nodded and Harry kissed the tip of her nose, making Louis laugh and fake-push her. “How are they doing, Liam and Zayn?” 

“Disgusting,” Louis said. “So happy. Always doing it. It’s gross.” She was glad, really. She’d never seen Liam like this before, his worry and insecurity gone, for now. “Liam’s like a new person.” Louis thought about telling Harry about Liam’s little secret, but she didn’t. She figured Liam needed a chance to tell her himself. “I felt like I knew him before, but this is something I didn’t expect to see.” 

“That’s good. That’s bloody brilliant, I should bake them a cake or something.” Louis nodded, because she wanted Harry to make all the cakes she wanted, if it made her happy. She didn’t say that, instead moving her hand to Harry’s arm, touching the soft skin there. 

“Make Liam those cream-filled buns, he loves those.” Harry grinned and pulled her shirt off, leaving her in a lacy bra and her jeans. Louis put a hand over her tit and squeezed gently. “You need something, love? Want to go back to your room?” 

“Yes, always,” Harry said, and she climbed out of Louis’ lap and walked down the hall, undoing her bra as Louis followed. “Come here, it’s been too long.” Harry opened the door to her room and started taking her clothes off, while Louis did the same. They both wound up only in their knickers, and Harry stared at Louis’ bare tits.

“Can I play with those?” 

“If you’re gentle, yes,” Louis said, and she sat on the bed. “Want me to get any toys out?” 

“Maybe later. Come here?” Harry climbed on the bed and lay down on her side, arms out. Louis moved so she was facing her, and Harry snuggled her in, one hand between them. “I might touch your nipples by accident, us facing this way,” she said, voice soft.

“Don’t tweak them, and it’ll be okay,” was Louis’ answer, and Harry softly touched her breasts, not being rough at all, and Louis closed her eyes. “Yes, like that. That’s nice.” 

“Good,” Harry said, and Louis got in gear, putting a hand on her ass and squeezing gently. “Oh, yes.” Harry purred and Louis squeezed a bit harder. She might not like rough touching, but Harry did, sometimes. 

Harry’s hand cupped one of her tits and then Harry bent down and kissed her there, not on the nipple but close. Louis put a hand in her hair, holding her there as Harry kissed softly. After a minute, Harry moved her face back up and kissed Louis on the mouth. “Am I doing okay, Lou?” 

“Doing good, keep going,” Louis answered, and Harry smirked at her before cupping her breast again Harry kissed her neck, touching her gently, and Louis liked it, it didn’t make her anxious. It made her feel good. 

They rolled over so Louis was on her back, and Harry moved on top of her, like she wanted to get off that way. “Wanna take your knickers off, darling?” Louis asked her, and Harry shook her head, tipping her head up a bit. Louis took Harry’s hips in her hands, helping her move herself. 

Harry seemed to be getting there quickly, she started to pant and get louder, it seemed, with every thrust against Lou’s thigh. Louis played with Harry’s tits now, tweaking her nipples, getting her to cry out. “You can come, love,” Louis said, and Harry shook her head, clearly about to lose it. “Why not?”

“I wanna make you come,” Harry said, and Louis went still. “I want that, I want to know I did that.” 

“You do, every time,” Louis said. “Every time I get myself off I think about you. You’re always a part of it.” She tried touching Harry’s nipple again, but she shook her head and Louis’ hand dropped. 

“I’d just like to do it myself, one time,” she said, and then she moved off of Louis, curling around her instead. “Maybe we can do more soon. Right now I want to hold you.” 

“Well, all right,” Louis said, and she held Harry while thinking about what had just happened, and if it meant anything. Eventually Harry fell asleep, and Louis kissed the top of her head. She had a good one, even if Harry didn’t really know that.

…

When she left Harry’s place later (Harry had an early shift the next day), Louis went by home, and then to work. When she got in late that night, she caught Liam alone. “Your boyfriend finally left?” She said, and Liam just ducked his head, blushing. “Hey, he is your boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah, Liam mumbled, and Louis put an arm around him, hugging him from the side. “He had to go home, he might be visiting his family for a couple of days. Do you think he’d tell them about me?”

“Doesn’t matter this soon into the relationship if he does or not, but it would be nice.” Liam nodded his agreement, and Louis let him go to sit on his bed. “I’m really happy for you Liam, even if I do now know the sounds you make when you’re fucking.” 

“Shut up, I’ve heard you dozens of times,” Liam said back, and sat next to her. “Harry’s loud.”

“Tell me about it,” she said, and Liam nudged her. “What?!”

“You should tell her,” Liam said, and Louis sighed. 

“Yes. Yes I should. The way she’s acting, she might need to know.” Liam looked at her, and Louis sighed. “She doesn’t like me being stone. She wants me to get off with her, and that might be love. I don’t know.” 

“It could be, but she should respect your boundaries. You can’t help how you’re made, Lou. I know that’s how you like to do things.” Louis nodded, waving one hand around. 

“Exactly. I mean, she touches me more than just about anyone else. I like it when she touches me up top sometimes, but I don’t really want her hand, you know, _there_. “ Liam shuddered with her, and she was glad that they had that in common. 

“Zayn wants to touch me more downstairs too. I might allow it someday, but right now it’s too much.” Louis squeezed his hand. “He’s so good about it though, calls it my dick and everything. But he still hasn’t seen it.” 

“It’s been a few days. If you get comfortable with it enough, you will. Don’t worry.’ Louis thought it was a bit ironic, that Liam was slightly more open to being touched than she was, and she wasn’t even trans. That was just her life, she guessed. “Hey, you going to tell the housemates? I know you’ve been thinking about it.” 

“Yeah. I might do it today, nearly everyone’s around, including Niall.” 

“I don’t know why he doesn’t just move in. Okay, let’s do it now if you’re up to it.” Liam nodded at her, squeezing her hand, and they got up. “I’ll be right with you,” Louis said, and then she yelled at the top of her lungs. “Oi! House meeting in the kitchen! Now!” There was a grumble upstairs, and Louis could hear their mates trudging down the stairs. “Okay Liam, let’s go.” 

“Okay, here it is,” he said, obviously nervous. They went into the kitchen as their housemates gathered around. Dizzy sat across from Louis and Liam, and the others stood.

“What’s the fuck, it’s almost midnight,” Stan said, and Dizzy nodded. 

“I just have something to say,” Liam said. “I haven’t been entirely honest about myself all these years-“

“We already know you’re gay,” Niall said. “You’ve been shagging Zayn nearly every night for a week.” 

“Um, yes.” Liam said, and Louis put a hand on his arm. “But that’s not what I wanted to say. I meant to say, um, I’m trans.” 

Stan looked a bit surprised. Niall took it in and nodded. Dizzy signed “So what?”

“That’s it?” Liam said. “Nobody minds?”

“No reason why we should,” Stan said. Niall and Dizzy nodded. “I don’t know how you kept it secret all this time, living in close quarters like this, but it’s all right now.”

“Do you want us to throw you a party?” Niall said. “That could be a lot of fun.” 

“Um no, no party, thank you,” Liam said, looking over at all of them and smiling. “Thanks.” 

“No problem. And you mean female to male, right? I don’t want to bring you a wig as a surprise present and find out I got it wrong.” Liam laughed then, in relief , and Niall grinned back at him.

“Yeah, that’s right Niall. Um, do you want to look at some of the songs me and Louis have been writing?” Niall looked interested, and the others drifted off. Louis stayed with Liam, happy that it had gone so well. She went over the songs with the boys, and tried not to worry about her and Harry.


	12. The Whole Damn Family (Is Here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family is what you make of it, Louis figures.

Louis had a couple of busy days, but she kept in touch with Harry, while also trying to avoid her house, because _Oh my god, Liam and Zayn did not know how to be quiet_. She was happy for them, truly, but now that she knew what Liam’s orgasm noise sounded like she would never be able to un-hear it. 

One day, Louis had the afternoon off and decided she would like to see Harry. She sent Harry a text to see if she was home, and didn’t get an answer right away. Just when she figured that Harry was at work, she got one. **I’m home, but mum is here. Come over if you want to.** Louis looked at the text and felt a bit of dread bubble up in her stomach.

 **If I’m not interrupting, sure** Louis sent back, trying to sound brave. She got an **Come over then** response and Louis went to the bus stop. It took over an hour to get there, with late buses and such, but she made it, hoping that being this late wouldn’t be a problem. When walked up to Harry’s apartment, she heard a concerned voice talking. She took a deep breath and knocked.

“Yes?” The door opened and a beautiful woman who looked just like Harry opened the door. Louis made herself look straight at her and not down, and the woman looked a bit surprised, but let her in. “Harry, is this a friend of yours?” Harry came to the door then. 

“Yeah mum, this is Louis. I told you about Louis.” Harry’s mum looked at her again, this time more of an appraising look, then she moved out of the doorway. Louis wished she was wearing something a bit more respectable than a band t-shirt with no bra and a pair of skinny torn jeans. Not that it would do much good, probably. 

“Come in, I’m Anne. Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Always, thank you. No sugar, please.” Anne smiled at that, and Harry came over and took her arm and led her to the couch.

“I’m so glad you came,” Harry whispered while her mother put the kettle on. “She was lecturing me about how my life doesn’t have any direction.” Louis patted Harry on the shoulder, and she smiled. “Maybe now that you’re here, she’ll stop.”

“I don’t usually inspire parents to be more trusting of their children’s decisions,” Louis said, and Harry giggled. Then Anne was back in the room, and Louis steeled herself for a lot of questions. 

Instead, Anne asked her a lot of small talk type of things-about the weather, what she thought of the political situation, if she voted. Pretty basic stuff. Nothing like “so how long have you been sleeping with my daughter?” that she was expecting. Louis wound up having three cups of tea and talking to Anne about the Tories and how they needed to get out of office, Harry stuck to her side the entire time. 

It took Anne another hour to leave, and she kissed Harry goodbye (Harry squinched her face up and acted embarrassed, which amused the fuck out of Louis), and she shook Louis’ hand. Harry went back to the bathroom, and Anne leaned in. “Harry’s told me about you.”

“Oh,” Louis said, unable to think of a better answer.

“She said you were dating,” and Louis nodded. She might be fucked up when it came to relationships, but she wouldn’t deny Harry, not now. Anne smiled, quickly and warmly, and came in closer.

“I’ve been questioning a lot of her decisions lately,” and Louis got ready to defend Harry, because Anne might be her mum but she shouldn’t give her a hard time over things. “But I don’t think you’re a bad one. Take care of my girl when I’m not around.”

Louis was stunned, It took a minute before she could speak. Then she said “Oh. Okay. Thank you.” She heard Harry’s bare feet padding on the carpet towards them, and Anne gave her a quick hug, Louis’ arms hanging uselessly by her sides. Then Anne turned and hugged Harry, told her to call later, and then she was gone. 

“I can’t believe it. She liked me.” That was all Louis could say as she sat back on the couch. Harry got in her lap, snuggling her and kissing her face. “I didn’t see that one coming.”

“Mum doesn’t mind that I’m bi,” Harry told her between little kisses. “I had told her I was seeing you a couple of weeks ago, and she asked me a lot of questions. She wanted to be sure you were okay, and that you had a job, for some reason. I mean, lots of responsible people can’t find work.” 

“Right. Shouldn’t judge people by their jobs,” Louis said, still overwhelmed by the visit. “I just-your mum was really nice to me.”

Harry stopped, looking at her. “You’re always surprised when people don’t treat you like a plague,” she said. “Anyway, I should be worried now, because it’s only fair that I meet _your_ mum next.” Louis put a hand on Harry’s hip and squeezed gently.

“My mum’s in Doncaster,” Louis said. “I haven’t been to visit in a while, but we talk. I need to come down and see them. My sisters just keep getting bigger.” Louis put her other hand in Harry’s hair, stroking it. “Mum was upset when I left, guess she figured I should stay and help with the girls. Like because I was a dyke I’d just be the live-in maiden older sister. That wasn’t going to happen. But she’s over it now, I think. She just wishes I’d visit more.”

“Why don’t you?” Harry kissed her on the mouth, a soft one, and Louis shrugged. 

“Stepfather issues, mainly. Although those have gotten better as well. I was young, and I couldn’t handle things well, so I left. And I met Liam, who was the same, and we hit it off. I figured between the two of us we’d be fine. And we are.” 

“I like how much you love Liam. You’re each other’s family, aren’t you?” Louis nodded and Harry kissed the tip of her nose, making Louis laugh and fake-push her. “How are they doing, Liam and Zayn?” 

“Disgusting,” Louis said. “So happy. Always doing it. It’s gross.” She was glad, really. She’d never seen Liam like this before, his worry and insecurity gone, for now. “Liam’s like a new person.” Louis thought about telling Harry about Liam’s little secret, but she didn’t. She figured Liam needed a chance to tell her himself. “I felt like I knew him before, but this is something I didn’t expect to see.” 

“That’s good. That’s bloody brilliant, I should bake them a cake or something.” Louis nodded, because she wanted Harry to make all the cakes she wanted, if it made her happy. She didn’t say that, instead moving her hand to Harry’s arm, touching the soft skin there. 

“Make Liam those cream-filled buns, he loves those.” Harry grinned and pulled her shirt off, leaving her in a lacy bra and her jeans. Louis put a hand over her tit and squeezed gently. “You need something, love? Want to go back to your room?” 

“Yes, always,” Harry said, and she climbed out of Louis’ lap and walked down the hall, undoing her bra as Louis followed. “Come here, it’s been too long.” Harry opened the door to her room and started taking her clothes off, while Louis did the same. They both wound up only in their knickers, and Harry stared at Louis’ bare tits.

“Can I play with those?” 

“If you’re gentle, yes,” Louis said, and she sat on the bed. “Want me to get any toys out?” 

“Maybe later. Come here?” Harry climbed on the bed and lay down on her side, arms out. Louis moved so she was facing her, and Harry snuggled her in, one hand between them. “I might touch your nipples by accident, us facing this way,” she said, voice soft.

“Don’t tweak them, and it’ll be okay,” was Louis’ answer, and Harry softly touched her breasts, not being rough at all, and Louis closed her eyes. “Yes, like that. That’s nice.” 

“Good,” Harry said, and Louis got in gear, putting a hand on her ass and squeezing gently. “Oh, yes.” Harry purred and Louis squeezed a bit harder. She might not like rough touching, but Harry did, sometimes. 

Harry’s hand cupped one of her tits and then Harry bent down and kissed her there, not on the nipple but close. Louis put a hand in her hair, holding her there as Harry kissed softly. After a minute, Harry moved her face back up and kissed Louis on the mouth. “Am I doing okay, Lou?” 

“Doing good, keep going,” Louis answered, and Harry smirked at her before cupping her breast again Harry kissed her neck, touching her gently, and Louis liked it, it didn’t make her anxious. It made her feel good. 

They rolled over so Louis was on her back, and Harry moved on top of her, like she wanted to get off that way. “Wanna take your knickers off, darling?” Louis asked her, and Harry shook her head, tipping her head up a bit. Louis took Harry’s hips in her hands, helping her move herself. 

Harry seemed to be getting there quickly, she started to pant and get louder, it seemed, with every thrust against Lou’s thigh. Louis played with Harry’s tits now, tweaking her nipples, getting her to cry out. “You can come, love,” Louis said, and Harry shook her head, clearly about to lose it. “Why not?”

“I wanna make you come,” Harry said, and Louis went still. “I want that, I want to know I did that.” 

“You do, every time,” Louis said. “Every time I get myself off I think about you. You’re always a part of it.” She tried touching Harry’s nipple again, but she shook her head and Louis’ hand dropped. 

“I’d just like to do it myself, one time,” she said, and then she moved off of Louis, curling around her instead. “Maybe we can do more soon. Right now I want to hold you.” 

“Well, all right,” Louis said, and she held Harry while thinking about what had just happened, and if it meant anything. Eventually Harry fell asleep, and Louis kissed the top of her head. She had a good one, even if Harry didn’t really know that.

…

When she left Harry’s place later (Harry had an early shift the next day), Louis went by home, and then to work. When she got in late that night, she caught Liam alone. “Your boyfriend finally left?” She said, and Liam just ducked his head, blushing. “Hey, he is your boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah, Liam mumbled, and Louis put an arm around him, hugging him from the side. “He had to go home, he might be visiting his family for a couple of days. Do you think he’d tell them about me?”

“Doesn’t matter this soon into the relationship if he does or not, but it would be nice.” Liam nodded his agreement, and Louis let him go to sit on his bed. “I’m really happy for you Liam, even if I do now know the sounds you make when you’re fucking.” 

“Shut up, I’ve heard you dozens of times,” Liam said back, and sat next to her. “Harry’s loud.”

“Tell me about it,” she said, and Liam nudged her. “What?!”

“You should tell her,” Liam said, and Louis sighed. 

“Yes. Yes I should. The way she’s acting, she might need to know.” Liam looked at her, and Louis sighed. “She doesn’t like me being stone. She wants me to get off with her, and that might be love. I don’t know.” 

“It could be, but she should respect your boundaries. You can’t help how you’re made, Lou. I know that’s how you like to do things.” Louis nodded, waving one hand around. 

“Exactly. I mean, she touches me more than just about anyone else. I like it when she touches me up top sometimes, but I don’t really want her hand, you know, _there_. “ Liam shuddered with her, and she was glad that they had that in common. 

“Zayn wants to touch me more downstairs too. I might allow it someday, but right now it’s too much.” Louis squeezed his hand. “He’s so good about it though, calls it my dick and everything. But he still hasn’t seen it.” 

“It’s been a few days. If you get comfortable with it enough, you will. Don’t worry.’ Louis thought it was a bit ironic, that Liam was slightly more open to being touched than she was, and she wasn’t even trans. That was just her life, she guessed. “Hey, you going to tell the housemates? I know you’ve been thinking about it.” 

“Yeah. I might do it today, nearly everyone’s around, including Niall.” 

“I don’t know why he doesn’t just move in. Okay, let’s do it now if you’re up to it.” Liam nodded at her, squeezing her hand, and they got up. “I’ll be right with you,” Louis said, and then she yelled at the top of her lungs. “Oi! House meeting in the kitchen! Now!” There was a grumble upstairs, and Louis could hear their mates trudging down the stairs. “Okay Liam, let’s go.” 

“Okay, here it is,” he said, obviously nervous. They went into the kitchen as their housemates gathered around. Dizzy sat across from Louis and Liam, and the others stood.

“What’s the fuck, it’s almost midnight,” Stan said, and Dizzy nodded. 

“I just have something to say,” Liam said. “I haven’t been entirely honest about myself all these years-“

“We already know you’re gay,” Niall said. “You’ve been shagging Zayn nearly every night for a week.” 

“Um, yes.” Liam said, and Louis put a hand on his arm. “But that’s not what I wanted to say. I meant to say, um, I’m trans.” 

Stan looked a bit surprised. Niall took it in and nodded. Dizzy signed “So what?”

“That’s it?” Liam said. “Nobody minds?”

“No reason why we should,” Stan said. Niall and Dizzy nodded. “I don’t know how you kept it secret all this time, living in close quarters like this, but it’s all right now.”

“Do you want us to throw you a party?” Niall said. “That could be a lot of fun.” 

“Um no, no party, thank you,” Liam said, looking over at all of them and smiling. “Thanks.” 

“No problem. And you mean female to male, right? I don’t want to bring you a wig as a surprise present and find out I got it wrong.” Liam laughed then, in relief , and Niall grinned back at him.

“Yeah, that’s right Niall. Um, do you want to look at some of the songs me and Louis have been writing?” Niall looked interested, and the others drifted off. Louis stayed with Liam, happy that it had gone so well. She went over the songs with the boys, and tried not to worry about her and Harry.


	13. Interlude Two-Dizzy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday I was looking at this and wondering if it could be revived. So for an exercise I decided to see what Dizzy's perspective was like. So here he is.

Dizzy was out of bed by six. He’d always been an early riser, a habit he picked up back in the 80’s when he lived on a communal farm. He got up, and looked in the mirror. His hair was filthy-time for a shower. It was dirty blond and long with a lot of gray, more every year. His eyes were a bit bloodshot from the alcohol he’d had last night. He’d have to do a cleanse soon. 

He did his morning tai chi, to get his blood moving and help with his balance. The Accident (he thought of it that way) had really messed it up. The tai chi helped, just as good as physical therapy, or almost so. 

When he left his room and went downstairs, it was still quiet. Punks were almost all nocturnal, so that wasn’t a surprise. He had a quick shower, washing his hair and putting it up with a tie, and fixed himself some vegan sausages and grilled tomatoes with some nice organic quince he’d poached in a honey syrup a couple of days ago. He was an okay cook, but he was good with the stuff they used to grow, back in the day. 

He had a nice, silent breakfast. Before the Accident, he’d been more boisterous, louder. Losing his ability to speak made him value quiet much more. It was helped by the fact that most people didn’t want to bother to speak to him since it happened. Luckily his current housemates were good enough to try to at least understand sign. 

He’d been living here for three years, but Dizzy knew by now that things could change at any time. So he tried not to think of the situation as permanent. As he got up to wash his plate (and the ones that Louis left in the sink-she was a slob), he thought about what he would do today. 

He still had a little dole money. He’d paid his part of the rent, which was a bit less than his mates since he wasn’t able to work. He might go and try to hit the market early. It was summer, there were lots of nice veg available. He might go to the community center. 

Or he could go for a ride. He still loved his bike, even after everything that happened. A good ride always cheered him up. The last long one he took went through the countryside that he loved, and the little hippie towns and business. He washed dishes at a collective restaurant, for free food and some of the tip jar. He slept under the stars, careful to let the farmer know he was there, with a note. Nothing like having an angry farmer or cow chasing you.

Dizzy kept his motorbike safely in the basement. It was his pride and joy, and he often worked on it. He decided then, to get out of the house today, and go where the day took him.

Before he left, he smoked a little weed and listened to one of his old Hawkwind records. Louis would make terrible fun of him, but fuck her. She was a nice person, but very rigid in her thinking. Anything that wasn’t her kind of punk was shit. It was a bit depressing, really, especially considering how beautiful her natural voice was. She always sang outside her range, making it lower and raspier.

One day he’d have to tell her not to try to make beautiful things ugly. She probably wouldn’t understand. 

After some weed and the first side of _Church of Hawkwind_ , he was ready to head out. He went down to the basement to get his bike, and he carefully walked it up the outside steps, until he made it to the sidewalk. He saw a man on a bicycle, in a suit, give him a dirty look. Dizzy just shrugged and put on his helmet. 

(He’d learned his lesson about helmets.)

When he got a break in traffic, he headed through the horrible mess that was the London roads. London was a nightmare, he’d never truly taken to big city living. But he came here when he needed his therapy, and had never left. It was a tedious hour before he got anywhere that looked truly green. 

He rode for a while, letting the brisk breeze wake him up, make him feel alive. But he was restless, riding wasn’t going to do it for him today. He stopped for lunch at a posh vegetarian place that only let him in because he knew the owner. He got a bowl of soup, then headed out, giving Tracy a wave. 

He rode back toward London, the traffic not as bad this time. He got off at an exit just outside of town, and parked his bike outside of a small building, the outside painted in inviting colors. It was a relief from the punk look of their house, everything either plain or black. 

When he came in, he saw Betsy, an older woman who worked as a therapist. “John! It’s nice to see you, have you made a volunteer appointment?” Dizzy shook his head, grinning. “Well, we might have some room for you anyway. There’s a group of six to eight year olds who need some help with their signing. Would you like to assist the classroom?” 

Dizzy signed “Yes, thank you,” and she came over to hug him, then led him to the classroom. 

Dizzy spent the next two hours in a classroom of adorable kids, assisting the teacher. Most of the little ones were deaf, and some were confused when he said he was hearing. He signed for “No voice”, and they nodded, serious. He had a great time with the children, and got another hug from Betsy on his way out.

“You know, I heard there might be a new home for disabled adults, in the countryside,” she told him. “I know you prefer to live in a group setting. Would you consider it?” Dizzy thought about it.

“Maybe”, he signed. “Depends.” Some communal homes for the disabled were more like jails. Dizzy loved collective living, but he couldn’t get rid of his freedom. He needed it. Betsy seemed to understand, and she let him go, telling him to send an e-mail to let him know when he could be back. Dizzy didn’t tell her he didn’t have an e-mail address. 

The ride back was okay. He stopped for petrol and went to a small health food store for more vegan meats and some nice looking turnips that had been grown nearby. When he got home, he carefully put his bike up, and then went upstairs with his groceries.

“Dizzy! Been out all day!” That was Niall, who came in to give him a hug. Dizzy liked Niall, and hoped that one day he’d move in. He was a nice fellow and cleaned up after himself, which is more than he could say about some of the others. 

Dizzy grinned at him and signed “Good day for riding.” Niall grinned and helped him put his food up. See, Niall understood cooperation. In the kitchen, a moody Louis was drinking her tea, getting ready for her night shift at Tesco. 

She saw him and grunted. Louis was always moody, and seemed more so since she met that girl she was seeing. Dizzy would have hoped that regular sex would make her more agreeable, but it didn’t seem to be the case. 

“You left your Hawkwind record on the player,” she snapped. “I almost listened to it by accident.”

“You should have, it’s good,” he signed, and she stuck her tongue out. “How’s your girlfriend?” 

“We don’t use those terms,” Louis said. “But Harry is doing well, working hard at her jobs. She likes to stay busy.”

Dizzy just nodded. Personally, he thought work ethics were overrated, a sad part of the capitalism that ruled society. Being kind was better than being busy, why should he care about being useful to business owners? But try telling young people that, even those who thought they were counter culture. 

“Hey,” Louis said, focusing on him for the first time since they started talking. “I never see you with anyone. Did you ever date?”

Dizzy was still for a moment, thinking about a lovely woman with dark hair he’d known at the farm. Then he signed “I used to. Things change.” Louis looked sympathetic, then nodded. 

“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Dizzy grinned and squeezed her shoulder. She didn’t like a lot of touching, but she accepted that with a smile. Dizzy went into the living room, flipping Hawkwind over and putting his headphones back on.

His roomies didn’t really understand him, he thought. He wasn’t a punk rocker, never quite understood the music, but he liked some parts of the culture. He didn’t want to live alone in a tiny room, isolated, or in a home for the disabled. He was fine here, even though it wasn’t the farming commune. 

He wondered though, he it might be time to get out, to find a more rural place. The dole people were getting more insistent about job training, which he had less than zero interest in. London was a bloody nightmare, and getting worse all the time as rents skyrocketed and people got meaner. 

He was getting old-he’d be 60 next birthday. It might be time. 

He decided then, that he would do some research. Go to the library, get an e-mail address. See what was out there. He’d miss them, but he could see the writing on the wall. They might get thrown out within the next few months. Best to leave before it came to that.

He took off the headphones when Stan came in from his job. Stan waved, then went to the kitchen. “Man, wish I could just sit around all day,” he said. Dizzy just shook his head. 

His housemates really didn’t understand him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write a hippie character, I have them listening to Hawkwind. Not Cream, or Jimi Hendrix, Hawkwind. So I'm listening to Church of Hawkwind as I write this. Method writing!


	14. Honesty Is For Morons (And I'm Their Queen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis decides it's time to tell Harry how she feels. It doesn't go the way she planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I did it. I stopped writing this series because I didn't think anyone liked it, and it was kind of a mess. But here it is again. Funny, so much has happened in two years that the 2015 setting seems like a better time-Brexit and Trump haven't even happened yet.

After Liam’s successful coming out to the household, Louis started thinking about Harry. It seemed silly, loving her and not being able to say anything about it.Maybe telling her she was loved wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, she thought as she paced her room, smoking some weed to get her nerve up. If Harry didn’t love her, she could handle it. If she did love her-well, best not to think about that too much. 

She got dressed in her nice red shirt, wearing the jeans she liked best. Might as well try to make a good impression. She searched through the kitchen and thought about bringing her some nice wholemeal bread that Dizzy had brought home on one of his day trips. Harry could make this herself, but she figured she would appericate it better than most. 

“Hey Dizzy.” Dizzy took off his headphones. “I’m going to take some of this bread to Harry, okay? I’ll leave some, I promise.” Dizzy just nodded, serene. Zen bastard. 

She walked about half of the way. It was relaxing, cleared her head. When she finally took a bus the rest of the way, she was flushed and felt fairly upbeat. Harry had the day off today. She didn’t text ahead, but Harry had said last night that she would be home. So she didn’t think about it much, as she got off the bus, and went up to the apartment. 

She knocked a few times, and heard some muffled noise. Louis stared at the door, wondering if she had her key. She could go right in, but maybe Harry was busy. Should she come back? She was turning away when the door opened.

“Lou!”

There was Harry, flushed, smiling, and with another little skinny girl with different colored hair behind her. Harry was wearing a robe, and suddenly Louis felt a stab of adrenaline go into her veins, and then she was crumpled on Harry’s front step, trying to breathe. 

“Lou!” Harry’s voice was like it was coming from the end of a tunnel, and she felt Harry and the other girl drag her inside. She was too terrified and breathless to stop them, although she didn’t want to be touched. They got her in and Harry started talking. She couldn’t concentrate on most of it. 

“Louis. Louis. Breathe please. Are you having a panic attack?” Louis had to think, she didn’t have them often. Then she nodded, still gasping for air. “Delia, get the bottle of pills in my medicine cabinet. Louis, we’re going to get you one of my anxiety pills, okay?” 

“Delia?” Louis knew that name. Delia. Harry’s friend. “Delia...do...your cunt? Designs?” Suddenly, Louis realized she’d jumped to the wrong conclusion. She didn’t even know it.

“Yes baby. She was shaving it. That’s all. Oh. You thought…?” Louis closed her eyes just when Delia came in with a pill and a glass or water. “It’s okay Lou. Take the pill, it’ll help you.”

“’m sorry.” Louis took the pill, with the whole glass of water, feeling ashamed. Louis knew she was jealous, but this was humiliating. Harry put an arm around her. Louis noticed then they were on the floor. They didn’t even make it to the couch. Louis took several deep breathes as the placebo effect of the pill gave her a chance to get it together. 

She looked up at Delia, who looked terrified of her. “Sorry,” she said, and extended a hand. Delia took it, and gave her a crooked smile. She left after that though. Louis curled up on the carpet after she left. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t have to apologize any more,” Harry said. “Is that what happened in the in the park?” 

“Guess so. Not as bad.” Louis looked at her through wet eyes. Great, she was crying. “Came to talk to you, should’ve texted first.” She looked around, and didn’t see the bread. “Dropped the gift I got you.” 

“I think it’s all over the steps now,” Harry said, and Louis wiped her eyes. “What did you want to talk about?” 

“Wanted to tell you.” Louis figured this couldn’t get more embarrassing than it already was. “Wanted to tell you I love you.” Harry’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry. I’ve been too scared to say anything, I had to smoke a lot of weed just to come here. Maybe that’s why I had the attack. But yeah, I love you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I don’t expect anything.” She closed her eyes, wanting to not see it when Harry let her down. 

“Lou. Look at me.” Louis met her eyes. “It’s okay. I don’t know how I feel about you really, but I like you. But there’s some things about being with you...”

“Like what?” Louis straightened up, sitting cross-legged. Louis was relieved, in a way, that Harry didn’t say it back.“Tell me. If it’s something I can do, I want to know.”

“Just, you being jealous. Making fun of me. But now that I know there’s love behind it, I think I can work with that. I didn’t know, I guess I should have. I should’ve known when you took me to that bar to see the art.”

“I’ll take you to an art gallery again if you like, if you’d let me,” Louis said. “You like me?” 

“I do. I just...I’m not sure if it’s love? I’ve never been in love really. But...I like being with you. I don’t want us to break up. Just tell me more. You bottle up everything.” 

Louis picked at her jeans. “I do. You’re not going to kick me out, so that’s the best I could have hoped for.. But...I think you’re brilliant, you put so much care and effort into everything you do. You’re an amazing performer. I hated you so much for that, the first time I saw you. You’re much better than I’ll ever be.” 

Harry was silent a minute, looking at the carpet.“So that’s why you were so nasty. I couldn’t understand how you could be sweet one minute and cutting the next.” Harry moved in and kissed her. “Just, we’ll work it out, okay? I know how you feel now, and that’s a relief. You acting so strangely sometimes.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t want to be a burden to you. And I thought you don’t like how we fuck, me not wanting anything. I know a lot of dykes don’t do that as much anymore. But I just can’t handle it.” Louis wiped at her eyes again. “Let’s get off the floor.” 

“Come back to my room,” Harry said, standing up and holding out a hand. Louis let Harry help her up. She was bone tired now. They walked down the hall, holding hands. When they got to Harry’s bedroom, Louis stripped to knickers and an old sports bra, and got into bed. Harry hovered over her for a minute, looking worried.

“Do you want anything?” Harry said. “Like, a cuppa or something. I have some of those buns with the raisins.” 

Louis shook her head, smiling. “No, come in here with me. We’ll watch TV or something. Don’t have to mother me right now. It’ll be fine.” 

“Not mothering you,” Harry said, pouting. But she took off the robe. Delia hadn’t finished the job, and only about half of Harry’s pubic hair was shaved, only a couple of designs-hearts, this time. Louis reached for her as she climbed into bed, and buried her face in Harry’s soft neck. 

“Can’t believe you even answered the door like that,” Louis whispered. “Did you look through the window first?”

“Of course. Not stupid,” Harry said. “But I wish you’d texted me, you didn’t need to get that upset.” She moved so she could kiss Louis, and they kissed for several a while, Louis with a hand in her beautiful hair. 

“I was afraid I’d chicken out,” Louis said. “In a way, having that attack might’ve helped. I had nothing to lose.” Louis kissed her again. “You’re so pretty. I know you know it, but you are.”

Harry laughed then. “I don’t, actually. I just like to look outrageous. Put my best self forward. I mean, if you look at my face, I look like a squished frog. I’m bug-eyed. I got bullied for it in school. That’s why I liked punk so much, it was somewhere I could be myself in.” 

“You do not look like a squished frog. I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. I’m a mess. I need to start doing weight training with Liam. He says hello, by the way.” 

“Stop putting yourself down. And I’ll say hi to Liam in person. I need to visit him anyway. How is your house? Have you moved Niall in yet? I thought there was room.” 

“He’s hesitant. I think he has a girlfriend. He’s quiet about things like that. I never know who he’s shagging.” Louis kissed Harry’s shoulder. “It’s nice that you care about my house mates. I don’t know how you live alone, and I’m a privacy freak.” 

“It’s nice. I know I’m lucky because my parents help me. My stepfather has a lot of money.” Louis nodded. “Thanks for not taking the piss right now.” 

“I’m not going to take the piss right after you helped me out of a panic attack.” Louis kissed her again. “I knew you were posher than me. I suppose I don’t really care, it was just something to tease you about.” Louis rolled over on her back. “I can’t believe I’m being this calm. It must be the pill you gave me. I’ve been going mad for weeks now, about you.”

“Rest. Do you have to work tonight?” Louis shook her head. “Then you can sleep. Or we can watch movies if you like. And I was worried too, because I didn’t know if I was making you happy. I was thinking of breaking up with you.” 

That woke Louis up a bit. “Why? Because I was being weird?” She thought maybe now Harry was going to think better about dating her. 

“Because you didn’t seem happy. I thought I was making your life worse.” Harry chewed her lip. “I don’t want to do anything like that. You have a rougher life than me, in some ways.” 

“I guess.” Louis thought about it. No money, living in a shithole house, butch to the point that she got stared at and occasionally attacked. “I don’t like to think of it that way, but it’s true.” Louis brushed her fingers over Harry’s arm. “You know how I feel now. And maybe...I need to see my family. If you can get time off, will you come with me?”

“You want me to meet your mum?” Harry’s grin took over her face, and Louis tried not to smile back. “You’re sure?”

“If you want. You said you’re not sure you love me. But we are sure we’re dating now, right?” Harry nodded, her eyes big and wet. “Good lord, don’t cry. I already did. No need for more, Harold.” 

“Harold.” Harry giggled and wiped her eyes. “Even my mum calls me Harry, but nobody’s called me Harold before.” Louis grinned at her, feeling calm and warm. That pill was really something. “Guess what my real name is.”

“Harry, no games right now, if you want to tell me, go right ahead.”

There was a pause as Harry looked at her through her lashes. “Lilac.” 

“You’re kidding. Not even Lily? Lilac?” Suddenly the idea of poor Harry being bullied in school made more sense. “Reminds me of Almost Famous, Penny being called Lady.” 

“I know. I’ve changed names several times since I had anything to say about it. I didn’t pick Harry though. My sister Gemma started calling me Harry because I loved Harry Potter. She was trying to make fun, but it stuck.” 

“I like Harry. I know I took the piss, but it suits you. I suppose you want to know my name now.” Harry shrugged, but did look expectant. “Louisa. Mum really loves names, and I think she’s still upset that I changed it. I didn’t hate the name, I just wanted something else. And I was so butch, even in school. People called me Louis when I played football.” 

“I bet you were good at football.” Louis smiled up at her, and then yawned. “You want to sleep for a bit? I can putter around here, maybe fix us something to eat.” 

“Sure,” Louis said, and then curled on her side. She felt Harry kiss her forehead, and then get out of the bed. Louis snuggled in and started snoring. 

…

When she woke up, she could hear Harry puttering in the kitchen. Louis put her clothes back on, and walked down the hall to find Harry dressed and in an apron with her hair pulled back. She looked amazing, beautiful. “You should have your own shop,” Louis said, and Harry turned around, surprised. 

“Where would I get the money for that? That would be a lot to ask my parents for. And I’m not really that good anyway, you should see pastry chefs who’ve been around a while.” She was grinning though, blushing slightly, and Louis came up behind her, holding her back to front, looking over her shoulder. Harry had a big mass of dough cooking on the stove. “These are cream puffs.”

“They’re cooked on the stove?” Harry looked at her like she was mad, and Louis said “I mean, I knew that. Of course, who doesn’t know that.” Harry giggled. 

“Sure you did,” she drawled. Then Harry turned around and kissed her, one hand on her face, Louis kissed back, feeling strange and vulnerable again. The pill must have worn off. Harry must have sensed it, because she pulled back. “You okay?”

“Freaking out a little.” This new thing of telling Harry how she felt was weird. “I think I’m gonna sit down and watch you for a while.” 

“Want a cuppa?” Louis nodded, and sat down in a place where she could see the kitchen. Harry was clumsy in real life, but all grace in the kitchen, and on stage. It was strange. Harry put the kettle on and got back to shaping and putting the cream puffs into the oven. 

“Why do you cook them on the stove and then bake them?” She said. Harry stared at her. “Well? I don’t know.” Louis was getting a bit too interested in the cooking, it seemed. 

“You make the dough on the stove, but it’s not going to puff until you put it in a hot oven,” Harry said, and she poured the tea. “It can’t be cream puffs without it.” Harry brought the cup of tea to her, and kissed her cheek. “I’m going to clean up a bit and then sit with you while these bake.” 

Louis sipped her tea and nodded. Harry cleaned up quickly, then came back. They sat quietly for a while, which Louis liked. Today had been really dramatic. “So who are you making the cream puffs for?” She said eventually. “Going to sell them to a friend?”

“No,” Harry said, smiling. “I’m making them for you.” Louis knew she must have looked disbelieving, because Harry laughed. “Thought you could use a treat, after what you’ve been through. Which do you like better, whipped cream or ice cream as filling? I don’t think I can make a custard in time.” 

 

“I don’t really know. Whipped cream is nice I guess. Ice cream, that’s like for a posh dinner or something. Clotted cream maybe?” 

“I could mix clotted cream with a little whipped cream to make it lighter. I do have some. And I wouldn’t call ice cream that fancy, but there’s only two of us, so maybe not. But the clotted cream’s a good idea Louis.” Louis scoffed, but Harry just grinned “You hate that kind of stuff, yeah? Traditional feminine things?”

“I don’t hate them, I don’t think. I’m bad at them. I mean, I like the sweets your send me and the mates, don’t I? Don’t say it’s a waste of time when you give me bacon rolls? I just-me mum always wrapped those things up in having a family, which I don’t want. I’d get my tubes tied if I could. But cooking is just one of a list of things that I’m not good at.” 

“I could teach you, if you wanted to learn.” Louis shook her head. “Just keep it in mind. You’d save money, if you cooked at home more.”   
“I’d burn the house down,” she said. “Niall and Dizzy are the best cooks. Both Liam and Stan can do a good fry-up. I do nothing. Maybe I should just try to catch up to them, though.” 

“Maybe.” Then she went to check on the cream puffs. And puttered around while she was in there. Louis followed her into the kitchen just as she took them out. Louis watched as she put them aside, then got out the cream. Louis lost interest, and went poking around Harry’s apartment. She found Harry’s acoustic guitar, and started playing. 

“Come back in here,” Harry said after a while. Louis ignored her, trying to get the chords right. She wasn’t a great player, but she was good enough to write songs. “Louis. They’re almost ready,” Harry said, and she put the guitar down and came back. Harry was carefully cutting the tops off the puffs, and pulling the inside bits out. Louis stuffed one of them in her mouth and made a face.

“They’re not much on their own, sorry,” Harry said, and Louis crunched through the puff anyway. Harry stuffed the rest of them with some cream, and Louis ate one of those, so fast she barely tasted it. 

“Do you want some?” Harry smiled at her and took one. Louis grabbed another one, and put her finger in the filling, then booped Harry on the nose with it, making her laugh. “Let’s take these back to your room,” Louis said, and she got a plate. After they’d all been filled Harry placed them nicely on the plate, and they took it back. Louis thought about grabbing Harry’s bum, but she was holding the plate. Making her lose all the puffs wouldn’t be very nice. 

When they got back, Louis took her shirt off, and got into bed. “Come in with me,” she said, and Harry put the plate on the bed and started getting undressed. “We’re gonna get these crumbs everywhere,” Louis said, crunching through another puff.

“Don’t think we’ll mind,” Harry said, smiling at her. She had a wide grin, and it looked a bit devilish right now. “You’re going to let me have a few more, right?”

“Sure, until we get distracted. Come to bed, dragonfly.” Harry giggled and got into bed.

They did eat a couple more puffs, kissing between each one, until Harry made an impatient noise. Louis put the plate up, and one of the puffs hit the floor, leaving whipped cream on the carpet. “Shit, sorry.”

“I don’t care,” Harry said, and kissed her again. Harry was impatient, like she always was, wanting wanting wanting. Louis decided to indulge her and rolled her over on her back. 

“What do you want first love?” Harry grinned, looking perfect, and Louis’s stomach flipped. Harry really did a number on her. But she supposed she was all right with that. 

“Just, eat me out. I don’t want anything else right now. I like how you do it.” 

That made Louis wonder if she’d been seeing anyone else since they started. She dismissed the idea, with some difficulty. If Harry had, she would have told her, she was pretty sure. “Louis? Are you all right?”

“Sorry,” Louis said, looking her in the face. “I kind of had a bad thought. Might make me anxious again.” 

“Lou, don’t.” Harry reached up and caressed her face. “Is it about you thinking I’m fucking other people? I know that bothers you now. I haven’t, I promise.”

“I figure you’d have said something,” Louis said. “I hate that it makes me crazy, you shouldn’t have to worry about that.”

“Hey,” Harry said, a bit sharp. “We said we wouldn’t, so I’m not. So, just-I guess if you’re having those thoughts, try to remember that. Because you’re right, I wouldn’t go behind your back. And anyway, you love me. That changes everything.” Harry brushed her hand through Louis’s hair. “Now, if you want to?”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Louis moved down so she could kiss Harry’s nipples, then kept going. Going down on Harry was always a special time, but especially now.

Harry was vocal, louder than usual. She moaned and bucked and even pulled Louis’s hair. “Be nice,” Louis scolded, and she giggled. 

“Sorry.” 

“You want fingers now? Or a toy?” 

“Fingers are nice, you want to get some gloves?” Louis moved to the side of the bed to get Harry’s sex toy box. She put one on and slicked it up with lube, then got back to what she was doing. She played lightly with Harry’s clit, just enough pressure. Harry bucked up when Louis started using two fingers inside her, pushing upward. 

The squirting took Louis by surprise. She had never seen Harry do that before, but before she knew it Harry was spurting warm liquid over the sheets and her hand. “Holy shit,” she said as Harry bucked against her. “When did you start doing that?” She pulled her fingers out, looking up at Harry’s blissed-out face.

“Oh, not long ago. When my girlfriend told me she loved me.” Harry smiled up at her and Louis moved around, getting to where she could cuddle her. Louis felt a spark of dread when she said that, but wasn’t sure how to address it with words. “That’s okay, right?” Harry said. Damn her for reading her mind.

“I just...it was hard to say that,” Louis said slowly. “You don’t have to love me back. I honestly don’t expect you to. But I wanted you to know, because you should. You should know. You don’t deserve to go through life thinking nobody cares for you.” There. That was close enough.

Harry wriggled in her arms until she was face Louis. “You don’t deserve that either,” she said, and sucked in a breath when Louis shook her head. “No, don’t give me that. Do you think you don’t deserve it, is that it?”

“I know I don’t,” Louis said. “I can’t even fuck you the way you want, you don’t like me not being touched. It’s going to be a problem sooner or later.” 

Harry looked at her like she was daft. “Everyone deserves love. Don’t say that about yourself. Louis, you’ve got so much going for you. You’re so loyal, you feel so much-”

“It’s never enough,” Louis said, but Harry didn’t stop, telling her she wrote good lyrics and that she was a good friend. “Harry, you’ll see one day. You’ll see why no one wants me around.” Louis felt cold, like she was freezing inside. “Maybe I should go.”

“What? How does that even make sense? You tell me you love me and then you want to run away? Louis, stay here, okay?” Harry grabbed her arm and Louis tried to shake her off.

“Why? Maybe we need to be alone for a bit.” It made sense to her, leave, then come back later when the conversation wasn’t so uncomfortable. 

“Look why don’t you stay-stay fifteen more minutes, all right? And then you can go if you want, or stay longer. I’ll not talk about stuff that makes you upset if you don’t want, but stay.” Then Harry grabbed her phone and set an alarm. “There. Do you agree to stay?”

“Okay,” Louis said softly. Fifteen minutes, that was reasonable. “Let’s talk about something else. How good are you getting on that guitar?” 

That made Harry’s beautiful face light up, and she started talking about teaching herself to play. She was practicing an hour a day, or more, but making commitment to an hour no matter how much she worked. Louis nodded. She had never been that strict on herself, but she could see it for Harry. 

They talked for a while about music, and Louis started when the alarm went off. “That wasn’t long.”

“Do you want to go?” Harry asked, looking a bit anxious. Louis thought about it, and shook her head. “Okay then. Anything else you want to talk about?”

“Why do you have pills for anxiety?” Louis didn’t see Harry all the time, but she’d never seen any trace of panic attacks of anxiety. “You seem fine.”

Harry moved in closer, putting her head on Louis’s shoulder. “Started in school, had a tough time because of girls bullying me. I throwing up from nerves, skipping school. Mum found out and took me to the doctor. She wanted to put me in another school, but it was the best one where we live. I grew up in a small town, not a lot of choices.”

“So you move to a big city,” Louis said, playing with her hair. “But why do you still have them?”

“Mostly just for emergencies,” Harry said, voice far away. “Sometimes before shows. Sometimes when I have to be in a large crowd, things like that. I don’t take them every day.” 

“You have to take a pill to perform? I never would have guessed.” Louis began to wonder if she’d idealized Harry, because that seemed wrong, to the way she saw her. “I just drink.”

“I know, I’ve seen it. Are you nervous before shows too?” The way Harry asked it, it didn’t seem like she was judging.

“Yes, some. Because I know a lot of those cunts are judging me as a girl singer, and not just a singer. I don’t care for that at all. It pisses me off. If I have some shots I don’t think about it.” Louis kissed Harry’s forehead. “I still hate thinking about that. I was angry, that you seemed not to care.”

“I care, I just don’t think it should stop me.” Harry looked up at her. “You’re more calm now.”

“For now. I might try to disappear into my house for a few days after this.” Louis looked around Harry’s perfect room and thought about hers, where she didn’t even have a bed. “I’ll try to tell you things, but it doesn’t mean I can deal with them any better. That’s why I think you could do better.”

“But you love me,” Harry said. “You’ve not even tried to take it back, you said it and you mean it.”

“Lots of other people could love you,” Louis said softly. “But you seem to want me. So I’ll try to stay.”

“I do. Are you staying the night?” Louis nodded, and Harry turned on the TV she had in the corner. They watched movies until Harry fell asleep. 

Louis went to Harry’s bathroom and washed her face. She looked at herself and felt disgusted. _Ugly thing,_ she thought. _I should leave._

She walked out of the bathroom and looked back at Harry through the bedroom doorway. She turned over in her sleep, away from the bathroom light. Louis shut the light off, and got back in bed. 

She’d worry about it tomorrow.


End file.
